Forget Me Not
by Lady Aurelia Crawley
Summary: When Jane is mugged on the street for her bag, she is saved by a young woman, Jessica, who turns out to be a lot more to Jane than she first thought, which forces Jane to face her past. With a shock revelation, Jane tells Lovejoy everything about her sorrowful tale, which leaves him surprised about his friend.
1. Chapter 1

**Whilst writing my Elsie/Ella/Downton fic, I started thinking about them and what would have happened if things had been different for them, as in, what would have happened if Elsie had worked somewhere else and how would Ella have reacted. But as I was imagining the scenes in my head, Lady Jane kept floating into my mind, so, after some persuasion, I've decided to post a Lovejoy fic. It's similar in some respects to my DA fics, but explores a different relationship. I hope you all enjoy it =)**

Jane slammed the phone down on to its cradle and silently pinched the bridge of her nose, inhaling and exhaling furiously. Lovejoy was in some sort of difficulty, again, and needed her assistance, again; but there was no cash in the house on this occasion, which meant that Jane now had to travel into town, go to the bank and then bail him out. It wasn't that she minded helping him, because she didn't really, it's just that he had a way of always picking the worst moments.

Alexander was in Hong Kong on business, as per usual, for the fifth time in as many months. Jane appreciated that it was business and that he needed to travel, but he'd spent that long away from her, that she was beginning to forget she was married. So they'd had yet another row about it, during his phone call to her in the morning, after he had announced that he'd extended his trip; that's what had put her into such a bad mood in the first place and then Lovejoy had phoned her from the police station.

He'd spent the night there and was due in court that afternoon, on some jumped up charge apparently, but then again it always was. Jane was getting sick of the men in her life taking advantage of her.

She grabbed her bag from the counter in the kitchen, her keys from the key hook, slammed the door on her way out, and almost shattered the stained glass panels. The gravel crunched loudly under her feet as she marched towards her green land rover, where she tried stabbing the key into the ignition, but she missed each time and she huffed with frustration as she threw the keys onto the passenger seat. She glanced at her reflection in the mirror and thought about how tired she looked.

Her normally pale complexion was flushed red with anger and she had a blob of mascara on her brow bone from where she'd caught herself earlier, after trying to put it on too quickly. She closed her eyes and took a very deep, calming breath, then another and another after that. When she opened her eyes again, she felt a little better, but her knuckles had still gone white from clutching the steering wheel so hard. She loosened her grip gradually and then licked her middle finger, running it over the blackened mark above her eye until it vanished. Now she looked and felt much better and more human.

Once she was calm, the key slotted easily into the ignition and the engine turned over with that familiar rumbling hum. Putting her foot down on the accelerator, she slowly drove out of the driveway and began the drive through the country roads to town. She rolled down the window and allowed the breeze to whip through her short hair and it blew away the cobwebs, that and the twenty-minute drive.

Kinley was crammed with people as Jane drove into the centre. Finding a parking space was a nightmare, as usual on a Monday afternoon, so the little improvement in her mood soon dwindled. She felt rushed and under pressure, which she hated being; she thought it made her act in a very unladylike way which was particularly unbecoming to someone of her stature, but sometimes, it just couldn't be helped. When she eventually did find a parking space, she breathed a sigh of relief and walked swiftly towards the bank.

'I need to withdraw four thousand please.' She said smartly in her crisp, English accent to the bank cashier, who was clearly new to the branch as he felt astounded by such a large request and he began to make objections.

'I'm sorry miss…'

'Now look here; I need to withdraw four thousand pounds, I need it in cash and I need it now and finally I am not miss, I am…'

'Lady Felsham, how lovely it is to see you.' Derek Paterson, the bank-managing director said as he entered the bank floor from the elevator to Jane's right. 'I shall take over from here and look after Lady Felsham personally.' He said with distain to the young cashier whom Jane had been taking out her frustrations on, leaving her with this man, who was usually slimy and particularly obnoxious at the best of times. She couldn't stand him, but often had to endure his company at dinner parties held at the house by Alexander.

'Mr Paterson I am somewhat in a hurry and I urgently need four thousand from my account.' She said quickly, trying to prevent him from starting up any kind of conversation.

'Certainly your Ladyship, I will get that organised for you right away.' He said as he began to fill out some paperwork, whilst constantly glancing up at her and looking her up and down, which she noticed and it annoyed her even more, but she chose to ignore it, this time. 'How's that son of a gun husband of yours? Still teeing off on the old green is he?'

'Not for some time actually, he's currently in Hong Kong and won't be back for at least another three weeks.' She explained tersely.

'How interesting Lady Felsham. So how does the mouse intend to take advantage of the cat's absence?' He said rather suggestively, which made Jane flare her nostrils, a dangerous sign in its self, but his next comment really took the biscuit and every ounce of strength Jane had not to chin him. 'It must get terribly lonely up at that big house, all on your own.'

'Mr Paterson, please don't try my patience today of all days; like I said, I am in somewhat of a hurry and I need my money now.' She said slowly, but with a deep tone and with fire burning in her eyes, which certainly did the trick and had Mr Paterson running for the safe in next to no time. 'Goodbye Mr Paterson.' She said sharply as he eventually handed her the money she had requested and apologised for the inconvenient wait.

Finally, she stepped out on to the pavement outside, the sun shining on her face and the heat of early summer beating down on her. At least that seemed to brighten her mood a little bit and it made her walk to the courthouse far more enjoyable.

She quietly walked into the stone and marble building, which felt cool in comparison to the heat outside, and sat in the public viewing gallery once she found the appropriate courtroom. She peered round for sight of Lovejoy amongst the other men and women up on charges, most for drunk and disorderly behaviour, but he was in court charged with a much more serious charge.

'Next, Crown vs Lovejoy,' the court clerk shouted and Jane watched as Lovejoy was escorted to the dock.

'Mr Lovejoy, you have been charged with breaking and entering, trespassing and robbery. Mr Keenan, the owner of the garage in which you were found, has agreed to drop the first two charges, but Detective Sergeant Messer wants to pursue the charge of robbery on the basis of new evidence…'

'What new evidence? There isn't any evidence to begin with; I was banged on the head…'

'Mr Lovejoy you will remain quiet or else I will change my mind about granting you bail and I will have you remanded in custody,' the Justice of the Peace said sternly as he looked at the scruffy, unshaven form of Lovejoy, over his half rimmed glasses. 'I will grant you bail, set at three thousand, eight hundred and fifty pounds, that is, if you have a guarantor Mr Lovejoy.'

'I am his guarantor Your Honor,' Jane said as she stood up from the viewing gallery and walked up to the bench. 'I have the bail money here.'

'Very well Lady Felsham, I hereby bail Mr Lovejoy into your custody; he is to return to the station every morning this week at nine am.'

At the sound of the JPs words, Jane looked up at the dock towards Lovejoy and gave him a glare of disapproval, but inside she was smiling; at least Mr Paterson wouldn't have to worry about her being alone in that big house anymore.

'Ah, can you smell that Janey? It is the smell of freedom, of fresh air, of…'

'…of that's now five and a half thousand pounds that you owe me Lovejoy.'

They were standing on the steps to the courthouse and Lovejoy knew that he had upset her. He hadn't meant to, he could never hurt her deliberately, but he had sensed that there was something bothering his friend for a long time, but she never wanted to talk about it; perhaps today would be the day.

'I am sorry Janey, you will get your money back, I promise you and with interest too; but I get the feeling that that isn't what's really troubling you, is it?' He asked as he faced her, his hands resting on her shoulders, forcing her to look at him. She gazed up at him for a few moments and it looked like she was possibly about to tell him, when some young thug wearing a dark hooded top and ripped jeans, came running out of nowhere and snatched her bag from her shoulder and pulled her down the stairs in his haste to get away.

Lovejoy was torn between running after the little bastard or staying with his friend, but the decision was quickly taken out of his hands, as a young woman, who had been standing nearby, began to run after him. She was very quick on her feet and made it look effortless and graceful. As Lovejoy helped Jane up, they watched as the young woman caught up to the guy, about a couple of hundred yards or so from where they were standing, and she launched herself at him, dragging him to the ground. He tried to fight her off, giving a swift kick to her face as he tried to shake off her hold of his leg, but she was tough and wouldn't let that stop her. She quickly staggered up and grabbed the bag dangling from the arm of Jane's attacker, and then the mystery woman punched the bloke in the face, clearly breaking his nose and sending him flying.

The strap of the bag snapped, releasing it into her grasp and with nothing left to fight for or to hold him back, the man ran off with blood running down his face, staining his hoody and his white trainers. The young woman was tempted to pursue him again, but since she now had the bag, she had what she wanted and it was time to return it to its rightful owner.

'I believe this belongs to you,' the young woman said as she returned to where Lovejoy was with Jane, whom he had forced to sit down on the low wall outside the court. 'I'm sorry the strap broke and I'm sorry that he got away. Did he hurt you?'

'I'm quite alright, thank you; did he hurt you is more the point?' Jane asked as she shook slightly from the shock of what had happened. She rubbed at her arm from where she had hit the hard concrete of the steps; her tweed jacket had a small tear in it at the seam and her tights were ruined on the right leg with a massive ladder and a large patch of red staining where her knee below was bleeding.

'Oh don't worry about me; I'm tougher than I look.' The young woman said as she brushed back a dark brown curl from her face.

'I don't doubt it for a second,' Lovejoy commented with admiration. 'You put up quite a fight against that bloke, although it was a foolish thing to do. He could have had a knife or anything; you could have been seriously hurt.' He added with a greatful, but stern fatherly tone.

'A simple thank you would have been nice; honestly, I would have thought that you would have been most greatful that I got your wife's handbag back!' The young woman replied rather defensively.

'Oh, no, no, no, no, Lovejoy isn't…I mean we're not…my husband is away in Hong Kong on business; Lovejoy is a dear friend and my business partner.' Jane explained with a flustered tone, which amused Lovejoy immensely. 'I do apologise, I haven't even introduced myself; I'm Lady Jane Felsham and this,' she gave a disapproving jerk of her head in his direction, 'is Lovejoy.'

The young woman shook both of their hands with a lovely smile and for the first time Jane felt a small familiarity about the young woman, but couldn't quite place her.

'I'm Jessica Carter, but you can call me Jess.' She said, but as she spoke, she smacked her lips together and screwed her face up in disgust as she felt and tasted blood. The man had obviously broken the surface of her lip, which began to swell and bruise.

'Perhaps we should get you to the hospital and get that looked at.' Jane said as she passed Jess a tissue.

'There's no need for that, honestly; I'll be absolutely fine and it'll be gone within a few days.'

'Well at least let me take you back with us so that you can get cleaned up and let me say thank you properly.' Jane said kindly as Lovejoy helped her to stand.

'That's very kind of you Lady Felsham, but I wouldn't want to be an inconvenience to you.' Jess said and she did seem a little uncomfortable with the idea, but Jane wouldn't hear no as an answer.

'It is no inconvenience I can assure you; you did something kind and noble for me, so please, let me repay you.' She replied with kind determination.

'Alright then, it would be a pleasure.' Jess responded with a hesitant smile as they began to walk down the street towards Jane's car. 'My car is parked just up ahead, so I'll get it and follow you if that's alright?' She explained as they eventually came to a stop at an old 60s Morris Minor Traveller, complete with the traditional green paint and wooden panels.

'I'll tell you what might be easier; Lovejoy can take my car back to the house and then I can ride with you and then I can direct you, that is, if you don't mind?' Jane suggested.

'I don't mind at all your Ladyship as long as you don't.' Jess replied politely.

'Oh please, I would much prefer you to call me Jane and I don't mind coming with you in the slightest; the roads around here can seem like a real rabbits' warren if you don't know them.'

'Keys then please Janey,' Lovejoy said as he clapped his hands together and then held one out in anticipation.

Jane dropped her keys into his hand and watched as he trotted off in the direction that they had been walking originally, until he turned the corner and was out of sight. Jess then unlocked her car and looked awkwardly around it.

'I apologise for the state of my car,' she said once she was inside, as she moved some paint brushes and a couple of pallets from the passenger seat, whilst Jane waited patiently on the pavement. 'I would like to say that she is not usually like this, but that would be a lie. Unfortunately I am terribly messy.' She added with a laugh

'That's quite alright, you weren't exactly expecting guests. Are you a painter?' Jane replied politely once she was sat and had put on her safety belt.

'I'm an artist; landscapes mainly but I do paint the occasional abstract and I love to sculpt.' Jess explained proudly. 'So what made you think I wasn't local?'

'A lucky guess really; I pride myself on knowing most of the people around here and I certainly don't recall ever having the pleasure of meeting you prior to this afternoon. So what is it that brings you to Kinley?' Jane asked as the shops and houses of the town soon evaporated and gave way to the trees and green fields of the countryside that surrounded the village.

'Oh, well, I'm doing some family research and it brought me here.' Jessica answered, but she seemed a little flustered in her reply, so she was delighted when Jane eventually instructed her to slow down and make the right hand turn into Felsham Hall, where Lovejoy was already waiting for them.

Jessica had never seen a house as beautiful and she felt awe inspired as well as a little intimidated, staring up at the beautiful red-bricked house and its expansive grounds. Mrs Cameron, the housekeeper, was there to greet them on Jane's return, but she was very disapproving when she saw Lovejoy and most dismayed to see the state Jane was in. She feared that Lovejoy had dragged Jane into something dishonest, yet again, something that Lord Felsham wouldn't be best pleased about and when she saw the sight of the young woman, this seemed to confirm Mrs Cameron's concerns.

'Is everything alright Milady, what have you done to yourself?' She asked.

'Yes thank you Mrs Cameron; unfortunately I had a run in with some thug or other in the village. Miss Carter here helped me. Could you perhaps make us some tea and bring it into the parlour.' Jane asked smartly as she tried not to feed into the housekeeper's disapproval. She knew that Mrs Cameron didn't like Lovejoy and she knew that the housekeeper often spoke to Alexander about some of the incidences that they got into; she also knew that, despite Jess's good deed, Mrs Cameron wouldn't approve of her Ladyship associating with her, because of the young woman's unusual style of dress.

Jess loved to wear clothes with the most outrageous colours, so her tie-dyed dungarees, covered in old paint splashes and dried plaster, didn't exactly fit in with the splendour of Felsham, in Mrs Cameron's eyes at least. The housekeeper looked Jess up and down, pursed her lips together and then walked off in the direction of the kitchen, but Jess noticed her actions and disapproving look, which made her feel even more uncomfortable than she had already.

'I am terribly sorry Lady Felsham; I'm not really dressed appropriately.' Jess said quietly, which made Jane a little angry with the housekeeper.

'Please don't apologise; there is absolutely nothing wrong with the way you are dressed. If I stopped everyone from coming into the house who wasn't dressed to Mrs Cameron's standards, then Lovejoy would never be allowed near.' Jane joked which made Jess release a relaxed little smile.

'And what exactly is wrong with the way that I am dressed?' Lovejoy said indignantly, but Jane wasn't going to take him up on his challenge, so for the first time that day, she gave a genuine laugh and walked them all into the parlour room.

Of course, Lovejoy was very comfortable in his surroundings, having spent many years in Jane's company and in her home, but Jess wasn't used to any of this. Jane could see that the young woman, who she guessed was about twenty-one or twenty-two at the most, was very uncomfortable and she wished that she could say or do something that would make her rest at ease.

'Lovejoy, you may be interested to know that Jess is an artist, landscape and sculpture I think you said?' Jane said as she tried to get Jess to talk about a subject that she would feel familiar and comfortable with.

'That's right; I love to work with oils. I wish I had the skill to work in watercolours, but I don't I'm afraid. I can never get my work to look as delicate as some of the better known watercolour artists, believe me I have tried.' Jess explained to them both as they sat down together on the sofa, whilst she sat cross-legged on the floor in front of the fire, which received yet another disapproving glare from Mrs Cameron when she walked in with the tea tray.

'Is there anything else that I can get you Lady Felsham?'

'No thank you Mrs Cameron, that's everything for now.' Jane replied as she then proceeded to pour the tea into the three cups, once Mrs Cameron had excused herself from the room. 'You must excuse my housekeeper; she's a lovely woman really, but she's very old school and likes things done a certain way. She remembers the days when her mother had been in service here for the Felshams and I believe her grandmother had also been in service before that.'

'You get used to her disapproving glares and she hasn't yet turned me to stone.' Lovejoy laughed heartily.

'What is it that you do Mr Lovejoy?'

'Oh there's no Mr, just Lovejoy. I'm an antiques dealer, Lovejoy and associates, although my associates rather let me down last night.' He replied and added the latter half of his sentence with a clipped tone, which made Jane sigh loudly.

'Lovejoy you have to learn to take responsibility for your own actions. You were the one who went off without telling us exactly where you were going.' She argued.

'Without telling you where I was going? Without…? Janey, I was in the workshop one minute, next thing I know I've been clobbered from behind, stuffed in the back of some van and dumped on the floor of that lock up!' He protested loudly.

'So how exactly did your "associates" let you down then Lovejoy?'

'Because Tinker and Eric were supposed to meet me at the workshop, half an hour before I was attacked; instead, I bet they were in the bloody pub weren't they?' He shot back.

'That's quite enough of that; I don't think Miss Carter needs to hear about your adventures.' Jane replied with raised eyebrows, just as the telephone in the hall began to ring.

'Oh I don't know, it sounds like the antique business is far more exciting than I imagined.' Jess laughed, trying to ease the tension between the two friends, who were now glaring at each other.

'Milady there is a telephone call for Mr Lovejoy.' Mrs Cameron announced as she entered the room again.

'What's the betting that this is either Tink or Eric?' He asked rhetorically as he leapt from his seat, nearly knocking the cup from Jane's hand, and practically skipped into the hall.

'I'm terribly sorry about all of this; here was me trying to offer you my thanks and all I seem to have done is insult you and made you feel uncomfortable.' Jane said apologetically to Jess.

'Please don't apologise Lady Felsham; your thanks is truly welcomed. Most people probably wouldn't have bothered to have gone to this much trouble.'

'I wish you would call me Jane, I don't like to be as formal as some of my peers, especially not after what you did for me. You put yourself at great risk you know and I certainly don't know of many people who would have been so brave.' Jane replied with a wince of pain as she tried to stretch her legs out. The hole in her tights was now much bigger and revealed a rather nasty looking cut on her knee.

'Would you like me to take a look at that for you? My mother was a nurse, so I'm quite used to patching people up.' Jess said kindly, just as Lovejoy returned.

'Janey that was Tink; he says that he thinks he knows who it was that attacked me last night. I'm meeting them at the Felsham Arms just now to find out more.' He said as he grabbed his coat from where he'd dumped it on the back of the sofa, kissed Jane on the cheek and then ran off.

'Goodbye then,' Jane said with quiet annoyance at his rudeness, but she very quickly forgave him.

'Do you happen to have a first aid kit in the house?' Jess asked which brought Jane round from her thoughts.

Jane gave Jess instructions as to where to find the first aid box, so that she could avoid asking Mrs Cameron for it. The young woman then walked out of the parlour room and followed Jane's directions. Whilst she was gone Jane thought about how familiar Jess seemed to her, but she couldn't quite place her or fathom why it was the case. If she wasn't local to the area then she must have seen her somewhere before, but her thoughts were interrupted when Jess arrived back with the large green box in her hands, which she placed onto the coffee table.

She flicked the two catches up, which made a loud resounding snap and made the top of the box spring open, to reveal bandages, plasters, thermometers and a whole manner of other items. Jess rummaged around until she found some cotton wool and antibacterial spray.

'This is probably going to sting, I'm sorry.' She said as she gently began to clean the wound from the congealed blood that was starting to form and wiped away the fresh blood that was oozing from a slightly deeper cut. Jane watched her with fascination and appreciated how gentle she was being.

'I think you would make a very good nurse yourself Jess.' She said as she continued to watch her, which made Jess smile and give a small laugh.

'I think my mum always hoped that I would go into nursing rather than art, but it's my passion and I couldn't really imagine doing anything else.'

'You mentioned that she's no longer a nurse herself; what is it that she does now?'

Jess paused awkwardly for a few moments, trying to pluck up the courage to say the words that pained her so deeply.

'My mum died last month I'm afraid, cancer; she'd battled it for five years but it finally beat her I guess.' She replied quietly, focusing her attentions on Jane's knee rather than looking up at her.

'Oh I am so sorry, I didn't realise; that must be terribly hard for you.'

'Thank you for your condolences, but if I'm honest it's a relief now. I lost my mum a long time before she died, I no longer recognised her for the wonderful, kind, caring person that she was before she became ill, so at least I know she's at peace now.' Jess replied with the tiniest of smiles.

'What about your dad? How is he coping with it all?'

'Unfortunately my dad was killed in the Falklands War when I was six. He was a sergeant in the army.'

'I am so sorry, that must be terribly hard for you to deal with on your own and I fear I've rather put my foot in it.' Jane said as she cursed herself.

'Not at all, it's nice to be able to talk about them. Usually people just tell me that it gets easier or that I'll soon get over it, but that's sort of what brought me here, to Kinley I mean.' Jess replied as she stopped cleaning Jane's wound. 'The cut isn't as deep as I thought it was, thankfully. It'll need more than a plaster, but it at least doesn't need any stitches.' She explained as she returned her attentions to the first aid kit and Jane distinctly noticed that she was avoiding looking at her.

'Oh that is a relief.' Jane replied as she looked down at the angry looking cut, which at least looked better than it had done before. 'Were your parents from Kinley then?'

'Yes and no,' Jess said cryptically which confused Jane all the more and the comment was then followed by silence, as Jess concentrated on applying gauze wadding and a bandage to Jane's knee. Finally, once the bandage was in place and Jess was satisfied with her work, she began to open up and elaborate on her previous comment. 'I wasn't going to tell you any of this; then again, nothing that has happened today has been exactly as I planned it.'

'What do you mean? What weren't you going to tell me?' Jane asked with concern as Jess raised herself from the floor and sat next to her on the sofa.

'Well, when mum died I was going through some of her belongings, paperwork and that sort of thing and I came across some documents pertaining to me. My mum never told me, but I'm actually adopted and I only realised this when I discovered my adoption and original birth certificates.' She explained tearfully and Jane could see exactly where this was leading. For the first time in years, she was going to have to face the truth about something she had done a long time ago, something that she had forced herself not to think about for twenty years.

'I'm not entirely sure I want to hear the rest.' She whispered with her own eyes now brimming with painful tears.

'Well you must, because all of the paperwork details you as my biological mother.' Jess replied, her previous warm tone completely gone now, replaced by something that sounded much harsher.

Jane was speechless, as if the wind was knocked out of her and she felt worse now than she had done at any other point during her crappy day. She felt fear and shame rise from her stomach like bile and she suddenly couldn't cope with this, she wasn't ready to face it; not today and possibly not ever.

'I'm sorry but I can't do this, you need to leave.' She said in a harsh tone that matched Jess's and the change of attitude slightly shocked the young woman, making her hesitate, but she'd already been through so much heartache in the last month, that the pain of her birth mother's rejection didn't really make much of a difference. 'I have asked you to leave, now go please!' Jane repeated, this time a little stronger.

'Fine!' Jess shouted as she grabbed her bag and practically ran, in floods of tears, out to her car.

Jane watched her from the window as Jess fumbled with her keys, trying desperately to get them into the lock. When she was eventually able to wrench the door open, she threw herself inside and thumped the steering wheel a couple of times, angry, upset and defeated. Jane watched as the car drove away from the house and away from her. She placed her hands to the back of her neck, threw her head back with her eyes closed and cried silent tears. How had her day gone so badly wrong?

'Is everything alrig…' Mrs Cameron began to say as she entered the room, curious as to what had gone on between Lady Felsham and the young woman to cause her to run off in such a hurry.

'Why is it Mrs Cameron, that I always feel that I have to answer to you, every time something happens in my life?!' She said with a raised voice. 'What has gone on this afternoon is not the concern of you or anyone else for that matter! I will be upstairs in my room, if anyone phones then tell them I am unavailable and take a message.' She added as she then stormed out of the room and marched up the stairs, leaving Mrs Cameron to feel thoroughly chastised.

Jane flung open her bedroom door and then slammed it angrily behind her, allowing her tears to flow freely down her cheeks as she sank pitifully onto the edge of her bed. She covered her mouth as she tried to soften her wails of grief, but she didn't really care if anyone heard her.

She allowed herself to sob uncontrollably for a long time until she began to feel sick. All of the pain that she'd supressed for twenty years resurfaced and felt about ten times worse than it ever had done before.

When her sobs eventually began to slow, she pulled her feet up onto the bed and laid back against the cool pillows. She stared up at the high ceiling and traced the couple of cracks, which snaked their way out from the base of the chandelier. She felt so very alone and empty; she hated herself for the way she had dismissed poor Jessica, her own child. Her thoughts of the afternoon's events made her sob again and she just wanted someone to come and hold her, tell her that everything was going to be alright and then decide what they were going to do. There was only ever one person who made her feel like that and she needed him, now, more than ever.

She picked up the receiver of the phone on her beside cabinet and pulled the ring round to dial Lovejoy's number, but as it rung out, she suddenly remembered that he wasn't there; he'd probably still be in the pub. She pressed the buttons at the top of the phone to cancel the call, waited to hear the dialling tone again and then dialled the number for The Felsham Arms.

When the landlord answered it sounded like there was a riot going on in the background and he could barely hear Jane for the shouting going on.

'I need to speak to Lovejoy,'

'Who?'

'LOVEJOY!'

'Oh, he's right here, hold on.' He said. 'Lovejoy, it's for you.'

There was a pause for a few minutes as Lovejoy pushed his way through the crowd of people, grabbed the handset from Gregory, who he nearly garrotted with the cord, before he could eventually put it to his ear.

'Yeah, Lovejoy?'

'Lovejoy, please come, I need you.' Jane said weakly as she began to cry again.

'Janey? Janey, what's happened?' He said with dread as he heard her distress, but she hung up before she answered him.

Jane was his dearest, sweetest friend and love of his life if he was truly honest; she didn't really need to give him any more of an indication that she needed his help. He grabbed his things from the table he'd been sat at with Tink and Eric and left as quickly as he could, completely ignoring his friends' objections.

'Where do you suppose he's off to in such a hurry?' Tinker asked.

'Bet he's got a booty call,' Eric replied coyly.

'No it can't be, no one would know that he was here; well, no one except for Lady Jane…'

'Well that's it then isn't it? He and Lady Jane must be…you know…' Eric suggested excitedly, much to the doubt of Tinker.

'Eric, do us both a favour, shut up and get another drink in.' Tinker replied drunkenly.

As Tinker and Eric were getting more pissed at the pub, Lovejoy drove as quickly as he could to Jane's place, although Miriam was proving to be a little uncooperative. It had taken her several attempts to get started and then she had stalled several times on the way. He didn't care what she did after he arrived at Felsham Hall, she could conk out altogether and never start again for all he cared, just as long as she got him there to see to Jane.

He was very worried about her, as he had never heard her so distressed before. She'd seemed fine when he'd left her earlier; pissed off at him perhaps, but there was nothing new or unusual there, that was how their relationship worked, but for her to sound so hurt, that wasn't like his Janey at all. As he thought about the call in more detail, he slammed his foot down further on the accelerator and forced Miriam to fly round the bends of the quiet roads.

When he eventually arrived at Felsham Hall, he didn't bother to ring the bell or knock on the door; he barged in and shouted her name.

'Janey?!' He shouted. 'Janey are you here?' He shouted again and then listened for a response, but was dismayed when Mrs Cameron came shuffling towards him looking outraged.

'That's enough of that Mr Lovejoy. How dare you come barging in here, shouting the odds; her Ladyship is upstairs and isn't feeling well and has asked not to be disturbed. I'll be damned if I will let you ruin her peace and quiet!' She said.

'Upstairs you say? Thanks.' Lovejoy replied as he then began to rush up the staircase, which outraged Mrs Cameron even more.

'Mr Lovejoy this is very inappropriate!'

'It's hardly inappropriate when I've been invited by Lady Jane herself, is it?' He responded as he then disappeared. No doubt Alexander would be hearing about this late night rendez vous though, but Lovejoy didn't really care. If the man was fool enough to leave a gorgeous wife behind like Jane all of the time, he had to expect someone else to come and help her when she needed it.

As he arrived on the landing outside Jane's bedroom, his footsteps began to slow. He could hear her crying and his heart broke when he heard her distress. He knocked lightly on the door, but he didn't wait for an answer, he just pushed the door open slightly and walked quietly in. He sat down beside her on the bed, as she sat up and forcibly cried. At this stage, he didn't need her to tell him what was wrong, he just needed to be there for her, as her obvious form of comfort until she was ready.

He put his arm around her and she instantly placed her head against his shoulder. He rested his head against hers and her sobbing grew even stronger as he held her tightly to him. They must have sat in that position for ten minutes or more as he tried to comfort her and tried to make sense of what had happened to distress her so much, but, eventually, her cries did become less as she exhausted herself. Once she had stopped crying altogether he sat and waited for her to give her explanation.

'Oh Lovejoy, I've done something so terribly stupid; it's so awful that I fear you will despise me for it when I tell you.' She said quietly as she lifted her head to look at him.

He gazed into her reddened, puffy eyes and wiped the tears from her face with his thumb. He gave a very gentle kiss to the tip of her nose and then to her forehead, before pulling her head back down to his shoulder.

'Whatever it is that has happened Janey, I'm sure it's not as bad as you think, or nothing that we can't fix and you are most certainly wrong about one thing; I could never despise you, no matter what you have done, I could never despise you.'

'Well you might not, but Jessica certainly does.'

'Jessica? You mean the girl from this afternoon; but what has she got to do with all of this?' He asked with astonishment.

Jane lifted her head from Lovejoy's shoulder again and adjusted herself so that she was facing him more comfortably, all the while trying to find the words to begin her sorrowful tale.


	2. Chapter 2

It all started twenty years earlier.

Jane stared in astonishment as she laced the stunning diamond necklace through her fingers, which dazzled brightly in the morning light from the late spring sun shining through the large bedroom windows. Alexander had always been generous with his gifts before they were married, but he had never bought her anything as exquisite as this.

'Oh Alexander it's absolutely divine!' She exclaimed as she put it up against her neck and examined her reflection in the mirror.

'Well I should hope so. A divine gift for a divine wife; happy anniversary darling.' He whispered as he kissed her gently.

'Our first anniversary together, can you believe it? The time has gone so quickly I can't imagine where it has gone to.' She said as he retreated onto their bed and then encouraged her over to him.

'Quite, my darling, but it has been a lovely first year of marriage, well for me at least.' He said as he pulled her onto his knee and nuzzled into her neck, making her squeal girlishly.

'Alexander that's quite enough of that!' She exclaimed as she playfully tried to bat him off her, but she didn't try very hard.

He chased her further up the bed, both laughing flirtatiously, until he was eventually looming over her and gazing lovingly into her startling blue eyes. She trailed her finger along his jaw line and felt the rough stubble of his unshaven chin, which made her smile. She knew that he looked smarter and more presentable when he was clean-shaven, but she thought the stubble made him look more devilishly handsome and roguish.

'We should probably go downstairs to breakfast.' Jane said as Alexander then kissed her passionately.

'Uh huh,' he commented as he kissed her.

'Mrs Cameron will probably have it ready for us.'

'You're probably right dear,' he replied in between kisses.

'You're not going to let anything I say stop you, are you?'

'Nope,' he said and began to kiss her again and this time she gave no further comments or objections.

Eventually they did make it down the stairs, where Mrs Cameron had indeed made their breakfast for them and where Alexander's parents, Lord Edward and Lady Mary Felsham, were sat waiting for their son and daughter-in-law. Mary gave her son a loving smile when he arrived, but Jane still caught her glaring at her when they sat down together. No matter what she tried, Jane couldn't get Mary to approve of her at all.

Jane didn't hunt, she wasn't very good at tennis or badminton and her career wasn't exactly what Mary thought was suitable for a Lady to be involved in. But Jane loved art, she loved designing and she loved decorating and she wasn't going to let anyone stop her from pursuing that, even if it meant getting on her mother-in-law's bad side from time to time. Her only redeeming quality was the fact that she could ride, a little, and that she came from the well-respected Hamilton family.

Her own mother and father held the title of Lord and Lady Derbyshire and she herself held an honourable title. However, now that she was married to Alexander, she would one day become Lady Jane Felsham of Felsham Hall, a much older title than the one even her parents' held; but she had a lot to prove before she would ever hold that title.

'Good morning Alexander, I hope you slept well.' Mary said as her son greeted her with a kiss to the cheek.

'Good morning Mother; yes I did rather, although I am now running a little late for the office, so I'm afraid I will just have to grab a slice of toast or something.' He said as he quickly glanced towards Jane, who was trying not to pay him the slightest bit of attention as she poured some orange juice into a glass, feigning innocence as to what it was that had caused him to be late in the first place.

He buttered himself a couple of slices of toast, took a few sips of coffee and then ran out of the door, only returning for a brief moment to kiss Jane goodbye.

'And what are you doing today?' Mary asked Jane disapprovingly once her son was out of earshot.

'Well I'm visiting the house of one of our clients, Mr Drake. He's just bought the old Tetbury Manor House and he wants it to be refurbished and furnished. I'm very lucky that Mr Draper has trusted me with this project, it's a massive account and if I do a good job then it could lead to a promotion and further my career.' Jane said, with the hope that this information might please Mary in some way, but of course, she was wrong; Mary just sniffed loudly and snootily and mumbled something that sounded like "I see". 'I best be off myself. I don't want to be late for my meeting.'

Jane grabbed her portfolio folder from the front door and her black high-heeled shoes. She preferred to drive in flat shoes, but Mr Draper believed that shoes with heels looked smarter and more professional. She'd only been working for him for six months and knew that, one day, she wanted to run her own business and work for herself; but Hawkes and Draper Interiors was a good company to work for and she was grateful of the experience she was getting.

She placed the folder onto Miriam's backseat, that was the name she had given her blue Morris Minor convertible, and flung her shoes onto the passenger seat beside her. She put the top down, wanting to feel the thrill of the cool morning air whip through her long auburn hair.

The drive to Tetbury Manor House was quiet, as there weren't many houses or villages for miles. The newly growing hedges were starting to look wild with colour and the flowers at the roadside were starting to bloom. They were covered in light dew, which made them glisten in the sunlight and highlighted the spiders' webs.

As Jane directed her car this way and that along every twist and turn in the road, she started to feel rather nauseous and after a few minutes, she had to pull Miriam into a gate at the entrance to a farmer's field. She soon lost the contents of her breakfast, which hadn't been an awful lot to begin with, but as she retched again, she felt her forehead flush and her head began to swim.

She clutched on to Miriam tightly as she steadied herself, afraid to take a step in case she started the sickness again. She hoped that, with such a big account depending on her, that she wasn't coming down with something, she couldn't afford to be ill at a time like this and she didn't know what to do for the best.

Once her head stopped spinning, she found that she could start to put one foot in front of the other and she carefully made her way back into the driver's seat. She sat still for a few minutes as the nausea began to subside as quickly as it had started and it gave her a few moments to think. She'd been feeling a little out of sorts for a few days and had thought that she was just a little run down, but this was the first time she'd been physically sick.

 _Perhaps I was driving a little too fast,_ she thought as she tried to rationalise what had just happened. She shook her head gently and slowly turned the key in the ignition, making Miriam's engine burst into life, and back her onto the road. This time she drove at a much slower pace and found that she didn't feel as bad as she had earlier, but she still felt rather odd.

The slower journey gave her the opportunity to think about her sickness in more detail and suddenly it began to dawn on her what the problem could be. Now that she thought about it clearly, she realised that she was nearly two weeks late, but she had put that down to office stress; however, that, combined with her sickness, well surely it had to mean only one thing. And suddenly Jane grinned a large toothy smile with her happy, delighted thoughts and it made her feel relieved.

She planned what she would do next in her mind and remembered that there was a chemist shop in Felsham, where she wasn't as well-known as she was in Kinley. She could go there and buy one of the new home testing kits; but where could she go to use it? She didn't want to wait until she got home, she was far too excited and she didn't want Alexander to find out until she knew for certain.

 _I can't wait to tell him; he's going to be so thrilled!_ She thought with excitement as she pulled Miriam into the driveway of Tetbury Manor, a rather shabby, run-down place that needed a lot of work doing to it. But Jane didn't see the ugly façade, the dirty window panes and the guttering that was falling apart; she saw possibilities and opportunities and this just added to her excitement.

'Good morning Mr Drake; I'm Jane Felsham. It's a pleasure to meet you.' She said cheerfully as she got out of the car and shook the gentleman's hand.

He was a tall, thin man, with peppered, thinning hair. His face was expressionless to Jane's greeting, which unnerved her a little; perhaps her jovial approach was too strong, so she made the conscious effort to tone it down and attempted again.

'I do hope you haven't been waiting long.' She said in a much calmer tone.

'I've been here a half hour; you are late!' He replied sternly.

'Yes, I do apologise Mr Drake; there was an incident on the road whilst I was driving through and it rather delayed me. It won't happen again.' She said apologetically.

'Make sure it doesn't young lady. Draper said that you were the best woman for the job, which remains to be seen, since I haven't been impressed by your approach so far.' Mr Drake replied snootily, especially when he said "woman", which really irked Jane. He was clearly a misogynistic, middle-aged man, but his attitude certainly didn't win him any favours with her.

'Well Mr Drake; how do you expect to be impressed by my approach, when you have neither seen nor heard any of my plans?' She replied quickly and perhaps a little more sharp than she had intended.

'Well then, show me.' He said as he then turned and led her into the house.

She walked him through the each room and talked, in detail about her plans. She was so enthusiastic about her work that she quite forgot about her earlier opinion of her client. She talked animatedly and excitably about light fittings, décor, furniture and everything else that she could think of. Mr Drake felt silently impressed by her thoughts and opinions, but he gave her no indications of this; he didn't want her to become complacent.

'And, finally, I thought that this room could be your bar area. It's one of the best rooms in the house because of the bay window. If we replace the window to allow in more light and redecorate with light colours, it will really open the place up. I was thinking of these,' she said as she took out one of the colour charts from her neatly organised folder. 'Magnolia is a traditional choice and would certainly give the impression of more space, but I do feel that it is rather a cold colour. For a bar area you want it to be bright, yet warm, so I thought a light orange would prove to be both spacious and warming.'

'Hmm…I'm not a great lover of orange.' Mr Drake grunted, the only piece of real input he had given Jane all morning.

'Well you wouldn't really notice it, since there will be large paintings on the walls and a large mirror on the opposite side, which will also open the room out further.' Jane explained, but Mr Drake still looked doubtful. 'I'll tell you what I will do. I will go ahead with my colour scheme and if you don't like it once you have seen it, then I will repaint it.' She added impatiently.

'Very well, but I want this room doing first; that way I can decide if I really do like your style before you ruin the rest of the house.' He replied as he led her out.

She sighed heavily as she watched him lock the front door and then drive off in his brand new Mercedes, her morning hadn't exactly gone to plan, but she was determined to show him exactly what she was made off. Anyway, now that that ordeal was over and done with, for the time being, she had far more exciting matters to deal with.

She quickly made her way back to Miriam and once again flung her folders and belongings onto the backseat. She wasn't going to let her bad morning taint the joy that was about to come, so she allowed herself to smile with blissful delight as she began the forty-five minute drive to Felsham, but this time she took her time going round the corners, for she still felt a little nauseous.

The bell above the door to the chemist shop dinged loudly as Jane pushed open it open, which dragged slightly against the new carpet. There was also a smell of fresh paint, which made the old-fashioned shop look new and revived, but it brought on another wave of sickness for Jane. She only just about managed to prevent herself from vomiting as she approached the aging pharmacist at the back of the store.

'Can I help you?' She asked Jane grumpily. What was it with everyone this morning? It seemed that they were all determined to spoil her good mood.

'I'd like to buy a pregnancy testing kit please.' Jane asked and noticed how the woman glanced at the wedding ring on her finger.

'Awfully young to be married aren't you?' She said doubtfully with a raised eyebrow. She was clearly old fashioned in her beliefs.

'Perhaps; but I don't see what my age or my marital status has to do with you.' Jane replied.

The pharmacist didn't reply or make further comment. She disappeared from view into the back of the shop behind a blue curtain, which had seen better days, before reappearing with a large box. Jane handed over her money, took the change and thanked, somewhat sarcastically, the pharmacist for her kind assistance, before retreating excitedly from the store.

With her purchase held tightly in her hand, she quickly made her way to the Royal Hotel, a four star hotel and the finest establishment for miles. She just hoped that no one she knew would see her, but thankfully, no one did. She made her way to the bathrooms, quickly closed a cubicle door and pulled out the kit instructions. It looked rather complicated and it unnerved her a little, especially since there were many test tubes, but she carefully did each step as instructed and waited for the allotted time anxiously.

As she waited, she thought about the prospect of becoming a mother and it filled her with both excitement and fear. She loved the idea of becoming a mum, although she and Alexander had never actually talked about having children. They had only been married for a year and she was only nineteen, but the excitement she felt outweighed any nerves and suddenly it was time for the results.

As she stared at the tube, she blinked back several tears and was glad that she was sat as her heart sank through her stomach. The test was negative. She was devastated. She had felt so certain that it was going to be positive, but it must be a stomach bug after all.

Jane slowly unlocked the door and threw the kit into the bin. As she washed her hands, she looked into the mirror opposite her and she tried to persuade herself to look happy, but she felt so disappointed that she just couldn't bring a smile to her face. She hadn't realised just how much she wanted that test to be positive until now.

She couldn't bear the thought of going into the office, not now, so she decided to work from home instead. She was delighted, when she eventually got home, to find that her in-laws had gone out, so it gave her the chance to think. She lay down on her bed for the whole afternoon and wished that Alexander was home already. She knew now what she wanted, today's disappointment had shown her that, but she also wanted him home, so that they could share the disappointment together.

As the time neared nine o'clock, with still no sign of her husband, Jane decided that she was going to get ready for bed. Her day of raw emotion had exhausted her and she couldn't wait up for him any longer. She dressed into her long nightdress and sat in front of the mirror on her dressing table. She carefully removed her makeup and then took the brush to her long auburn hair, when, at last, the door to her bedroom finally opened.

'Where have you been?' She asked him with a hint of annoyance.

'I'm sorry darling, but I had a lot of work to catch up on. I know it's our anniversary, but I promise I will make it up to you at the weekend.' Alexander said as he placed a quick kiss to her cheek and then began to undress. She continued to brush her hair and watched his reflection in the mirror as he got into bed. 'How has your day been?' He asked.

'Alright thanks.' She replied quietly, but he could sense that she wasn't in a very good mood.

'I know that I've upset you Jane and I have said that I'm sorry.' He replied grumpily.

'No it's not that darling, I promise; I understand that it was a busy day for you and I know that we'll have a lovely weekend together,' she said as she put her brush down onto the table and made her way over to the bed. 'It's just that, well I've been feeling a little out of sorts for a few days and I thought I might have been pregnant.'

'But you're not, are you?' Alexander asked quickly, a tone of dread in his voice, which took Jane quite by surprise.

'No I'm not; I did the test this afternoon and it was negative.' She replied indignantly and her brow furrowed when she saw his relieved sigh. 'You're not happy that I'm not pregnant are you?' She asked, astounded that he could feel anything but disappointment.

'Well, I wouldn't say that I'm happy exactly, but I am certainly relieved about it. You're far too young to be a mother Jane and we've both got our careers to think about.' Alexander said.

'Well I admit that we both might be a little young, but we are married. Don't you want a family with me Alexander?' She asked with her eyes brimming with tears.

'To be quite perfectly honest Jane, no, I don't. I do love you, very much, but children just aren't something that I have ever seen in my future, I thought that you knew that.' Alexander replied callously.

'No, no I didn't know that because we have never discussed it!' Jane said as she leapt out of the bed and he groaned loudly at her as he also stood up. 'You should have told me before you married me Alex!' She shouted angrily.

'There is no point getting angry at me Jane. You're not pregnant, so what difference does it make now?!' He replied angrily.

'The difference is Alex, that I want a baby. I was so excited today when I thought that I might have been carrying your child and I thought that you would have been too.' She spat as she thrust her arms through the sleeves of her dressing gown. 'I want a family with you; perhaps, not now, but one day, in the not too distant future, I want to be a mother.' She sobbed as she stormed towards the bedroom door.

'Where are you going?' Alexander asked as he grabbed her wrist to stop her, which she quickly snatched back.

'To one of the spare rooms; I don't want to talk to you Alex and I don't want you near me. Goodnight!' She said as she then hastily left the room.

She sobbed the whole night and paced around the bedroom, shivering and crying in the dark, wondering how it was that she could have misjudged her husband so much. She knew that he would have been a fantastic father if he'd given himself the chance, but now he probably wouldn't give her the chance of ever finding out.

The next day she phoned into her office sick and two words barely passed between her and her husband. He left early for work since he was travelling down to London for a few days and she'd given him a quick, chaste kiss as he left. A very different parting to the one they had shared the day before.

He was worried that he'd hurt her and hoped that his revelation hadn't cost him his marriage, but it was much better that she knew where he stood on the child front now, rather than later down the line. Having children just wasn't something that he had ever planned on and he never intended on changing his mind. He was on his way to being the next CEO of his bank. At twenty-five, he was the youngest executive in his firm and he was good at his job. It had taken him a very long time to build the level of respect that he deserved from his colleagues and he didn't want to ruin that by becoming a family man; his brother had always been, but not him.

Alexander was away for a full week and with each day that past, Jane's longing for him grew, along with her sickness. By the third day of his trip, Jane could barely keep out of the bathroom and she felt tired and weak; something was definitely wrong and it was time she sought medical help. Having ruled out the possibility of being pregnant, she feared that she might be seriously ill, so she was very grateful that the doctor could see her almost immediately after she'd made the call to the surgery.

She sat patiently in the waiting room until the female doctor called her name and led her into her examination room.

'So what can I do for you today Mrs Felsham?' Doctor Reynolds asked her kindly.

'Well, I've been experiencing a lot of sickness and nausea over the last few days and it's getting worse and it's making me exceptionally tired.' Jane explained nervously.

'Alright, when exactly did the sickness start?'

'Well the sickness itself started on Monday, but I'd been feeling run down for a few days before that.' She explained a little calmer. 'At first I thought I might have been pregnant, but the test I did proved negative.' She added with great sadness.

'Have you and your husband been trying to get pregnant?'

'No we aren't trying.'

'So when was your last period?'

'Well, I am three weeks late as it happens, but I have been exceptionally stressed and run down as I said.'

'I see; well I'm going to do another pregnancy test, just to be sure and I will take some blood samples too. Do you think you could give me a urine sample just now?' Doctor Reynolds asked kindly as she took out a small plastic cup.

The truth was, Jane was dying to use the toilet, so she was delighted that she could excuse herself to go to the bathroom, but when it came to it, she got stage fright. What if the test was negative again? What if she was seriously ill? She really wished that Alexander was there with her to hold her hand and so that she could tell him how sorry she was that she had hurt him.

Eventually, she managed to produce a sample of the doctor to test and she watched nervously as Doctor Reynolds mixed the sample with some solutions, similar to the way Jane had done almost a week earlier. Whilst they waited for the results, the doctor took some samples of blood and checked Jane's blood pressure too.

'Hmm…your pressure is a little on the low side; have you been feeling dizzy at all in the last couple of days?'

'I have a little, particularly if I stand up quickly.'

'Well, we'll need to keep an eye on that over the next few weeks and there's a possibility that you may be anaemic.' Doctor Reynolds began to explain, but quickly added, 'it's nothing to worry about if you are, as we can provide you with some iron tablets which will rectify that, but the test will let us know for sure,' when she saw Jane's worried expression. 'Will you be at home this afternoon?'

'Yes, I shall be there all day.' Jane replied.

'Great; well, I'll give you a call in a couple of hours once I have the results of your pregnancy test and then, whatever the result, I'll let you know what our next course of action is.'

'Thank you very much Doctor Reynolds.' Jane replied as she grabbed her bag from the floor, threw it over her shoulder and left for her car.

It was the longest two hours of Jane's life, as she sat impatiently by the telephone in her bedroom. There was still a small part of her that hoped that she was pregnant, but this time she wasn't going to be too hopeful, especially not after what Alexander had said.

The phone had barely rung once, when the call eventually came through, before Jane had snatched up the receiver and she could feel her heart racing as she answered.

'Jane Felsham speaking,' she said nervously.

'Mrs Felsham it's Doctor Reynolds. I've got the results of your pregnancy test and it's positive.' The doctor said but she received no reply. 'Mrs Felsham are you still there? Did you hear me? You're pregnant.' She repeated.

'Yes…yes, I heard you; sorry doctor, I'm, I'm just so surprised. You're absolutely certain that I'm pregnant?' She stammered.

'Yes, quite sure; the confirmation with the test and your other symptoms are all clarification that you are pregnant. Judging, from the information you gave me this morning, I would estimate that you are six to eight weeks pregnant, so our next step is to get you booked in for an ultra sound scan.'

'Thank you Doctor Reynolds.' Jane said as she then listened to further instructions before hanging up.

Jane was astonished and she didn't know how she should feel. Part of her was screaming and cheering with absolute maternal joy, but another part of her, the part that loved Alexander, was filled with dread. After everything that he had said about not wanting children, how would he react now that she was pregnant? How could she tell him?

She sat at the edge of the bed for hours contemplating her dilemma and hoped that, perhaps, he might change his mind when he discovered the truth. She'd wait until after her scan before she told him, that way she might have something to show him and it might persuade him about becoming a father.


	3. Chapter 3

'So how did Alexander react when you told him?' Lovejoy asked as he sat and listened to Jane's story. Despite her fear of him judging her, she was truly open and honest with him, the only person she had ever shared her story with and he felt so terribly sorry for her as he held her in his arms.

'Badly I'm afraid. When I went for my scan, I was excited and nervous all at the same time. There I was, about to see my baby for the first time and I should have had my husband there beside me, holding my hand in nervous anticipation. Instead I was completely alone, whilst he was in France or Germany or wherever the bloody hell it was at the time.' Jane spat angrily and Lovejoy felt taken aback, he had never heard Jane curse about Alexander before now.

'It's a shame that we didn't know each other back then Janey; I would gone with you and taken care of you.'

'I know you would have Lovejoy, but the point is it should have been my husband. He's not a bad man and I don't want you thinking that he is; having children was just something that he had never factored into his life and we should have discussed it before it happened….before she happened…before she was conceived I mean.' Jane explained and she huffed and sighed as she tried to find the words to defend her husband, which astonished Lovejoy more than any other part of her revelation so far. 'I know that you don't particularly like Alexander…'

'It's not that I don't like him, I don't really know him; he's never exactly given me a chance has he Janey?' Lovejoy retorted.

Jane didn't know how to reply to him, but she felt a fresh wave of grief and shame as she began to sob once more and Lovejoy pulled her into him as he began to comfort her again.

'I've made such a mess of things,' she said with a muffled tone as she sobbed into his leather jacket. 'I've probably now ruined any chance I might have had with my daughter.'

'So she is your daughter then? Jess I mean.'

'I have no reason to believe otherwise. She was so hurt when she left here and I didn't mean to, it was just a shock and…'

'What exactly happened after I left Janey?' Lovejoy said calmly as he stopped her from rambling further, so that he could get an understanding of what had actually transpired that afternoon. Jane took a few moments to compose her thoughts before she went on with her explanation.

'After you left, Jessica was dressing my knee and we were just chatting about what it was that brought her to Kinley; I shouldn't have kept pressing her for information. From the little she did give me, I know that both of her parents, her adoptive parents, have passed away; her father died when she was a little girl and her mother died last month. That's why she came looking for me now. Apparently, she didn't know that she was adopted until she found her papers after her mother had passed away.' Jane explained in a much calmer and more rational tone, much more like the Jane that Lovejoy knew.

'That must have been awful for her, poor kid.' Lovejoy commented, voicing his thoughts aloud and he received a glare from Jane in return.

'Don't Lovejoy; I feel guilty enough about what I did to her, today as well as back then.' She replied as she gently threw her head back and choked back another sob.

Neither of them had realised how long they had been sitting there talking, until Lovejoy glanced out of the window and saw that the light evening had turned to darkest night. The house was silent, perhaps Mrs Cameron had left for the night; God only knows what she thought Lady Jane and Lovejoy had been up to for nearly two hours if she was still around; but Lovejoy didn't care about what Mrs Cameron or anyone else thought, all he cared about was his Janey.

He gave her a few moments to recollect her thoughts, before he gently prompted her for further information.

'So, after she revealed to you that she was your daughter, did you argue about it?'

'No, I didn't give her the chance to. I'm not a cruel or heartless person Lovejoy. I love my child and she is the last person on this earth that I ever wanted to hurt, but she doesn't understand what I have had to deny myself to try to deal with losing her. I never thought I would see her again, I probably never will now, not after what I did.'

'Which was?'

'Well I demanded that she left at once and when she didn't move on my first request, I raised my voice to her. I as good as threw her out Lovejoy, my own daughter; she was reaching out to me and I threw her out. I don't deserve a second chance, well, third chance now do I?' Jane explained as she continued to sob silent tears.

'Jane, don't blame yourself. It's a difficult situation and I think you both could have handled it differently and perhaps saved causing pain to each other; but what's done is done and the most important thing is, what we do next.' Lovejoy said.

'What do you mean by "what we do next"? She left this house in a right state, at my own hands and as much as I want to go to her now and tell her that I am sorry, I can't. I don't know, where she is or where was staying, I don't even know where it is that she lives and I can't imagine that she will stick around, not after my stupid, awful actions!' Jane replied angrily and she began to become a little hysterical again, but Lovejoy gently stroked her hair to calm her down and she relaxed into his touch. He was the only person who could ever make her feel like that, safe and secure. He was her voice of reason sometimes, which surprised her as much as him, but she was so glad to have his support, love and friendship.

He gently lifted her chin with his finger, so that she was looking at him and he softly brushed away some of her tears with his thumb. Under different circumstances he would have given anything to have this level of intimacy with her and it took him all of his self-control not to kiss her there and then and show her true love and devotion. So far, he only knew some of her story, and he could see that she wanted to tell him more, but she had neither the energy nor the strength to continue. He could also see that her tears were now turning into something else; worry.

'I hope she's alright; she was so upset when she left here, what if she had an accident? What if she's sat at the side of a road somewhere, distraught and angry? Lovejoy, you have to find her.' She fretted.

'I will do my level best, for you and for her, Janey, I promise you that; but you need to get some rest. I don't really want to leave you on your own though, not when you're in this condition.' He replied with his own concerns and his brow creased with worry.

'If you promise me that you will go now and search for her, I promise you that I will be alright; but you need to find her Lovejoy.' Jane replied softly and this time there were no tears, just maternal determination.

'Alright, I will go now; I'll search the hotels in the area, see if I can track her down, that's if she's still here.' He said. 'Can I take your car? Miriam is playing up and I don't want to get stuck in the middle of nowhere.'

'Of course you can, you know where the keys are.' Jane said with a real enthusiasm in her voice, she was certain that he would find her and she was desperate for him to start looking.

Lovejoy kissed Jane, first on the forehead and then on the nose and in that few seconds, as their eyes locked again, their lips millimetres apart, they very nearly gave in to their longing for each other; but Lovejoy was not going to take advantage of her vulnerability. So, reluctantly, he turned away from her and quickly made his way to the door.

'Lovejoy, call me, as soon as you have any news, any at all, call me.' She asked meekly and she watched him nod his head as he then disappeared from her view.

He practically ran through the house and down into the kitchen, where Jane kept her keys to her land rover. All the lights were switched off, which meant that Mrs Cameron was long gone, thank God. Lovejoy was relieved, as it meant that she wasn't around to subtly question Jane, which he knew the housekeeper would do. She seemed like a nice woman, but she was more of a spy for Alexander these days than staff to Jane and Lovejoy didn't trust her; especially not in Jane's delicate state of mind.

Lovejoy skilfully made his way to the kitchen, in the dark. He didn't need the lights on to know his way, he'd spent so many hours in this house, that it was his second home. As it always was, the key was hanging on its hook in the pantry, which he deftly swept up into the air and swung around his finger as he jogged back through the hall. When he got outside, the security lights came on, which illuminated the driveway to Felsham Hall, and nearly blinded Lovejoy as he climbed into the driver's seat, which was facing the house.

As he turned on the ignition, he caught sight of Jane's shadow in her bedroom window, she was watching him as he left and he just prayed that he could help her. He began to reverse the car out of its position and the tyres skidded slightly in the gravel. The car drove easily then on to the main road towards Kinley; Lovejoy figured that, since that was where he met her, Jessica was most likely staying there, which was good news for him. It meant that there were only five hotels in which she could be staying.

In the twenty minutes that it took him to drive into town, he had planned in which order he was going to check the hotels. Although his approach to life could sometimes be quite chaotic, for something like this, he was very methodical; but before he checked any hotel, he was going to check the car park for Jessica's car; if he could find that, then he at least knew she was still in Kinley, if not exactly where in Kinley she was.

The town square was deserted, with only a few of the locals left spilling out of the bars. His search was made easier by the fact that most vehicles were gone, leaving only a few in their wake, but as Lovejoy neared the first hotel, there was no sign of Jess's car. He contemplated moving on to the next car park, but thought he should at least try the night porter first; even if Jess wasn't staying there, he may have seen her.

He pushed open the narrow, old wooden door, which creaked ever so slightly on its hinges. The lights in the foyer were dimmed down low, with only a few switched on near the guard. The security guard was a man much older than Lovejoy was, but he was keen and alert; although what for Lovejoy was unsure, as very little usually happened in Kinley and especially not on a Monday night.

'Excuse me, I need to ask a favour; have you by any chance seen a young woman, early twenties, dressed all in tie-dyes?' He asked the elderly security guard on night duty.

'No, sorry, not seen anyone around here like that.' He replied.

'Well, thanks anyway.' Lovejoy said with dismay, although he wasn't particularly surprised. It would have been too much luck to have found her on the first try.

He walked up Kinley high street, where all the shops were shrouded in darkness and it gave the place a very different feel. He very much hoped that Jess was in one of the hotel rooms and not wandering around a place she didn't know, upset and grieving. As he made his way up the street, he approached The Admiral's Arms pub and he suddenly had a thought, which, in a way, rather complicated his search further. If he was Jess, he wouldn't have upped and left immediately, especially not if she was in the state that Jane described; no, if he was her he'd have gone to the nearest bar.

As soon as he had thought it, he quickly doubled back and ducked into the pub, just as the last few stragglers made their way out, staggering into the street and banging into him as he entered the now deserted bar.

'We're closed mate!' The barman said with firm exasperation.

'No I'm not looking for a drink, I'm looking for a girl, I'm wondering if you've seen her. She's not very tall, about five four, if that, and she's wearing brightly coloured tie-dyes.' Lovejoy explained.

'Early twenties, long dark hair?'

'Yeah, that's her!' Lovejoy exclaimed with hope. 'Have you seen her?'

'She was in here earlier; but she left about an hour ago.' The barman replied.

'Great, I don't suppose you know where she went do you?'

'Look, I'm not her bloody keeper mate. Now, will you please leave so that I can lock up; some of us have got home's to go to!' The barman said grumpily and Lovejoy held up his hands in defeat. The last thing that he wanted was to get into an argument.

As he left through the bar doors, which were swiftly slammed shut behind him, he began walking up the street again, when he finally caught sight, of a 1960s, Morris Minor Traveller. Since no one had owned one of those in or around Kinley in decades, it could only belong to one person; one person, who was clearly packing to leave in a hurry.

As he got to the side of the car, the boot doors were flung open and there were already a couple of bags inside. He rested his back against the side of the car and waited patiently for Jessica to return and he didn't have long to wait. Jessica soon came flying out of the hotel door in a rage, a final rucksack of belongings thrust on to her back and she was about to throw it in, alongside her other things, when she suddenly caught sight of Lovejoy.

'And where exactly do you think you are running off to young lady?' He said softly, relieved to find her still there.

'Has she sent you? What does she want you to do, run me out of town? Well you can tell her Ladyship that she needn't worry, I'm going and she won't need to deal with me again.' Jessica said angrily as she struggled with her bag.

'You're wrong; she has sent me, but not to run you out of town. I've just left her and she's in a pretty bad way; she's really distraught about what she has done to you.' Lovejoy said as he tried to reason with her.

'Well then, she should have bloody well thought about that before she abandoned me and then threw me out!' Jessica retorted and Lovejoy could see that she was consumed with anger and bitterness.

'I don't know Janey's entire story and neither do you, why don't you give her the chance to explain what actually went on and then make your decision?'

'I gave her a chance; I was prepared to sit there and listen to her and she didn't want to know! I'm not the one who turned my back on her, she did that to me, TWICE! Now, if you don't mind, I'm going home.' Jess said sharply as she tried to push past him.

'You're in no fit state to drive anywhere; you look exhausted, you're stressed, upset and angry. You're not thinking rationally.'

'Look, Mr Lovejoy...'

'Just Lovejoy, no Mr,' Lovejoy interrupted and Jessica gave him a flare of her nostrils, just like Jane when she was angry.

'I appreciate your concern, but Lady Felsham made it very clear where she stood when she ordered me out. I have done what I came to do, which was to meet my biological parents and now I'm going home.' She said with a raised and agitated tone.

'Jessica, it's now almost midnight, I really don't think you should be driving anywhere. I'll tell you what, why don't you come back to my place? You can sleep on it and then, if you still want to leave in the morning, I will do nothing to stop you.'

'Thank you Lovejoy, for the offer, but no thank you. I know that you're friend is either waiting there for us or you'll call her as soon as we get there, and like I said, she's burnt any bridge I might have been willing to build.' Jess huffed as she closed the back doors of the car, trying to indicate to him that the conversation was at an end.

'Well you won't be going anywhere with your tyres in that state.' Lovejoy said smugly, nodding his head towards the two tyres that they could see.

'You let down my tyres!' She raged and indeed he had. He had done it just before she had come out, a sure way to stop someone from getting anywhere anytime fast. 'Well, you can bloody well help me blow them up again!' She added with a raised voice.

'I will, in the morning, when you have slept. Come on, with me.' He said as he opened the back door again and grabbed Jessica's rucksack, which he slung over his back.

Jessica gave a tired, audible sigh as she locked her car and began to follow Lovejoy, but she kept glancing awkwardly behind her.

'Will Betty be alright left there over night?' She asked and her comment resulted in a very confused look from Lovejoy.

'Betty? Who the hell's Betty?' He asked.

'My car of course!' She replied, with a tone that was very different to the one she had been using before. She was much softer now and she looked at Lovejoy in a way that said that her response should be the most obvious thing in the world and it made him smile. 'What are you smiling about? Naming your car isn't that weird!' She said.

'No, it's not that; actually, I drive in a Morris Minor convertible named Miriam, named so by Janey. Miriam was hers originally.' He explained, but he daren't tell her that the reason he was smiling, was due to the fact that he thought she was a lot like Jane. He didn't want to undo all of his hard work by frightening her off now.

'So where is it that you live?'

'I rent a place from Jane, a little cottage not too far away.' He said, but he suddenly realised that Jessica had stopped walking beside him.

'Is it on the Felsham estate? Near the house?' She asked with that familiar look of anger mixed with frustration.

'It is, but Jessica, I promise you, if you come back to mine, I won't contact Jane,' he replied as he tried to reassure her, but she still looked dubiously at him. However, despite her doubts, she did continue to follow him to Jane's land rover.

On the journey to his he tried to talk a little more to her, hoping that, perhaps, he could get her to open up to him, that way, he might be able to fight Jane's corner.

'I'm sorry to hear about your mother; that must have been a terrible shock for you.' He said with genuine sincerity.

'Not exactly, I mean, it was expected. She had cancer and I nursed her the best that I could whilst she was alive, though it is a shock to be without her; from the day that I was born, we've never been separated or apart. Even when she went back to work, once I started school, she took a job in a GPs surgery as a nurse, so that she could get holidays and evenings off.' Jessica explained with fond sadness and it was very apparent to Lovejoy, from the way that she was speaking, that she had been exceptionally close to her mother. This worried him a little, as this could mean that the bond that Jane was hoping for might never be built between her and her daughter.

'And your father, Jane said that he died when you were little.'

'That's right, he was killed in Falkland; he was in the army. I don't have many memories of him though, he was away most of the time before he died and then, when he did, it was just mum and me. She never remarried or had another relationship that I know of.' Jess explained with great pain and she hid her face from Lovejoy; even in the dark, he could tell that she was shedding a few tears.

After that, Jess became very silent, which made Lovejoy worry about her; he feared that he may have pushed her a little too hard and the last thing that he wanted to do, was to make her feel uncomfortable. He wanted her to talk to him. He had a plan that if he could understand her motives for wanting to speak to Jane in the first place, he could perhaps make her realise that there was still unfinished business between them.

He pulled the land rover alongside his cottage and took the keys from his pocket. Jess sleepily unclipped her seatbelt and dragged herself from her seat into the cool night air. She shivered as she looked up at the sky, which was lit up by millions of bright, shining stars. She found her favourite constellations and smiled up at the brightest star she could see. As she watched it she saw several shooting stars and she remembered what her mum had always said about them; that if you made a wish on a shooting star, it would surly come true. So she closed her eyes tightly and made a sincere wish with every fibre of her being. When she opened them again, she found herself staring face to face with Lovejoy, who was looking at her with a furrowed brow and her rucksack on his back.

'Are you alright?' He asked her.

'Yes thank you; I was just making a wish on a shooting star.' She replied.

'What did you wish for?'

'I can't tell you, otherwise it won't come true if I do.' She said with a mischievous grin and it was the first time that she'd smiled since her disagreement with Jane.

'Well, we can't have that now can we?' Lovejoy replied with a smile. 'Shall we go inside where it's warm; I'll stick the kettle on.' He added as he led her inside.

She looked around his kitchen as he led her through the back door and she loved the quirkiness of it. It was old fashioned, yet it had an element of modern day in it. As Lovejoy pottered about putting water in the kettle, he turned to see her standing behind him, looking dead on her feet.

'Don't stand on ceremony; there's no such thing as a guest in my house. You've to make yourself right at home. So why don't you go through into the sitting room and make yourself comfortable?' He said to her and she silently nodded her head before disappearing in the direction he indicated.

He quickly made the tea, not wanting her to get too comfortable and falling asleep before he could talk to her properly. He did want to help her, as he could tell that she was hurting as much as Jane was, but he also wanted to help his friend and couldn't believe that she had never shared this with him before. To an extent, he understood why she'd never shared it, but what he refused to understand, was how she could possibly defend Alexander.

'How do you take your tea Jessica?' He asked as he poked his head through the kitchen door.

'Moo and two please.' She said back and this made Lovejoy laugh.

'Moo and two eh? Never heard it described like that before.' He said with a chuckle before he ducked back out of the room again, appearing moments later with two steaming mugs.

'Thank you,' Jess said as he handed one to her and then sat down in the armchair opposite.

They sat in complete silence for a few moments as they both enjoyed the warming sensation from their drinks, whilst Lovejoy contemplated how he was going to approach the situation. Too strong and he would anger her and make her dig her heels in more, but not strong enough and she would allow things to slide; either way it would ruin any chance Jessica and Jane had together.

'How do you feel now?' He asked with a caring and compassionate tone.

'Tired, actually I'm exhausted. I should never have come here, to Kinley I mean; I should have just left it alone, pretended that I had never found those damn papers; I wish I hadn't now.' She whispered, but she was quite calm. Very different to how she had been earlier.

'I know that it's not really any of my business, but what exactly did you hope to achieve by coming here?'

She paused for a moment as she tried to form an answer, but the truth was that she didn't even know herself why she had come or what she had hoped to gain from meeting Jane.

'I didn't mean to hurt her you know, Lady Felsham; I never intended for any of this to happen. I don't know what it was that I wanted when I came here, an explanation perhaps, because I sure as hell never got one from my mum. She never once told me that I was adopted; it was never mentioned or talked about. Even on her deathbed, she didn't tell me.' Jess explained, slowly and quietly at first, but then, it seemed, that she found her voice. She was finally given the opportunity to voice thoughts that, so far, no one had given her the chance to and once she started to open up, she found it very hard to stop. 'Have you any idea what it was like for me, to have buried her one day and then, literally, the next day discover that the woman I loved and whom adored me wasn't biologically my mother? I had no one to give me any answers.' She added bitterly.

'So you came here in search for answers, to what exactly?'

'I wanted to know who it is that I actually am and why my life has been a complete lie; but when it came to it, I just couldn't pluck up the courage to talk to her, Jane I mean. I've been here a couple of weeks and I've seen her so many times, but I could never find a way to introduce myself.' She explained with great sadness. 'I know she thinks I must hate her, but believe it or not, I actually don't, I just don't want to cause her or me any more pain; I've been through enough of that lately and I can't take any more.'

'I don't think that you hate her, but I do think that you believe that she doesn't love you and I know that that isn't true. Truth is, I've often wondered why Janey doesn't have any children, but she's never brought it up and I've never asked her; but she does love you.' He explained and she seemed to be taking his words well, meaning that she might be easier to persuade than he first thought.

'Well she has a funny way of showing it.' She replied bitterly, but without the same fire that she'd had earlier, but her eyes were full of tears.

'She deeply regrets the way that she reacted when you told her who you were, deeply. But you did spring it on her, so you can't expect to her to welcome you with open arms when you announce it like that.' He said defensively.

Her nostrils flared angrily at him and it brought another smile to his face, which angered her even more.

'Why do you keep smiling at me like that? It's very unnerving you know!' She said angrily.

'I'm sorry, I'm not trying to make you feel uncomfortable, it's just that, every now and then you do these little things that make you look so very much like Jane.' He replied softly.

'Really? I'm not sure how I feel about that.' She replied in a similar tone. 'I always thought that I was like my mum, I guess that's not true though.' She added as she shed a couple of tears, so he passed her a couple of tissues and waited for her to dry her tears before replying.

'I didn't know your mum, but I'm sure that she loved you very much and I'm sure that there's plenty of reasons as to why she didn't tell you about your parentage.' He said as he moved from his seat opposite her to join her on the sofa. He placed a comforting hand on her back and tried his best to comfort her. 'But you should give Janey a chance to explain.'

'And why should I? Why can't I just go back to my old life and pretend none of this ever happened?' She sobbed as her anger gave way to her distress.

'Can you honestly tell me, that after all of this, you could just ignore it?' He replied sceptically and after a few, reluctant, moments, Jess slowly shook her head and then rested it on his shoulder.

'Do you really think that I'm like Jane?' She asked him after a while and it brought a smile to his face.

'You certainly have her temper; she has certain warning signs before she really blows her top, a side of her I have crossed often,' he laughed. 'When you get irritated, you flare your nostrils, which exactly what Janey does.'

'She's really very pretty.' She replied. 'Are you two, you know…' She asked as she looked at him a little awkwardly.

'No, we're not having an affair, although I think plenty of people think that we are. I think her husband, who is your biological father by the way, suspects that something is going on, but Jane and I have only ever behaved respectably.' He explained calmly.

'You would make a cute couple; I thought so when I saw you together outside the courthouse.'

'Oh yes; this afternoon seems an infinite lifetime ago now. What were you doing there this afternoon then?'

'Ah, well, it probably sounds really weird, but I've spent the last couple of weeks sort of following her. I swear I wasn't stalking her, it's just that, since I wasn't brave enough to go and talk to her to find out what she was like, I thought I could find out her routines, her likes and her dislikes. I hoped that, one day, perhaps, the opportunity would present itself so that I could meet her. I never actually intended to tell her the truth about who I was, but today, everything went wrong and I know that I really hurt her.' Jess explained and now, her anger and sadness was replaced by guilt.

'Well you can repair the hurt that you caused her and she caused you, by speaking with her tomorrow.'

'I don't think that I could; I'm just not ready to face it, not yet.'

'Sleep on it and see how you feel in the morning.' He said as he stood up. 'I'll get you some pillows and a duvet just now, hold on a moment.' He added as he then walked upstairs.

By the time he had found her some pillows and a warm enough duvet, she was already hard and fast asleep on the sofa. He smiled as he walked down the stairs and saw her sleeping peacefully. At long last he could now phone Janey as promised.

He placed Jess's head on one of the pillows and placed the duvet carefully over her, before vanishing into the kitchen to his phone on the wall. Without having to think of the number, he dialled Jane's number and the phone had barely rung once before it was snatched up; reminiscent of the call from the doctor on the day she found out that she was pregnant. Clearly she had been sat all night beside the phone, waiting for him to call.

'I'm sorry to call you so late Janey,' he said as he suppressed a yawn and glanced at his watch. It was just leaving twenty past two in the morning.

'That's alright Lovejoy as long as you can tell me that you've found Jess and that she's well.' Jane replied with panic.

'She's here with me now.' He whispered as he glanced round the door to check that she was still asleep.

'Right I'm coming round now.' Jane replied, but before he could reply, she'd already hung up.

He replaced the phone handset onto the wall before he disappeared upstairs again. He didn't think she would want to, but he decided to make up the bed in his spare room, just in case Jane wanted to sleep; but he realised that she would probably be too worked up. Once that was done, he then put a few logs into the old log fire and lit it, which started to emanate a warm, comforting glow.

It had been almost an hour since Lovejoy had phoned Jane and she still hadn't yet arrived and he was getting really worried about her. After another ten minutes of silent pacing in his kitchen, she finally arrived dressed in a pair of jeans and a jumper, with a long coat over the top and wellies on her feet.

'Where the hell have you been? I've been worried sick Janey!' He said as she walked inside.

'Well I had to walk, since you had my car. I could have taken Alexander's, but I needed to plan what it was that I was going to say to her. She is still here isn't she?' She whispered and then peered round the kitchen door into the living room.

'She's fast asleep, poor kid; it took a lot of persuading to get her hear, I can tell you. That reminds me actually; she doesn't know that I've called you. I told her that I wouldn't call you…it was the only way that I could get her to come here, so please don't snap at me Janey.' He replied as he interjected her before she could rant at him. 'We got here around one, perhaps a little bit before it and it's taken me until the time I phoned you to calm her down.'

'Was she in a terrible state?'

'She was angry more than upset; it wasn't until we got here that I got the tears and then she fell asleep. You can go through and see her if you like.' He said encouragingly as he guided her into the living room.

Jane allowed herself to be guided by him into the living room, where she came face to face with her sleeping baby and she hadn't expected to feel such a flood of love and emotion as she did now.

'Oh Lovejoy, I see her now, my beautiful baby girl. Why didn't I see it before?' She sobbed softly as she looked down at Jessica's sleeping form and she felt comforted by Lovejoy as he wrapped his arms around her waist and placed his chin on her shoulder.

'I've made up the bed in the spare room for you.' He whispered after a few moments.

'Thank you, but I want to stay down here with her; I want to be here with her when she wakes.' Jane whispered back, which is exactly what Lovejoy thought she would say.

'Alright, I'll bring you down a blanket. I'm just sorry that the chair isn't going to be very comfortable.' He said with a smile. 'I'll be back in a second.' He added as he then turned and walked as quietly as he could up the stairs.

Whilst he was gone Jane took a few moments to sit and watch her child and she could hardly believe it. If it wasn't for the fact that Jessica was there in front of her, she would never have believed in a million years, that her daughter was somehow back in her life.

She examined all of Jessica's features and she smiled when she realised that Jess was the spitting image of her, with a light dusting of freckles on her face, the same nose that she remembered and the very same pale complexion, especially when she was that age. In fact, Jess was now nineteen, the very age that she was when she had her and the realisation really surprised Jane; but her train of thought was suddenly interrupted when Lovejoy returned with the blankets for her and to save him coming all the way down, she met him near the bottom.

'Are you sure that you'll be alright?' He asked her with concern.

'Quite sure; I don't ever want to be separated from her again.' Jane whispered back as she glanced over her shoulder towards Jess, but her words really worried Lovejoy. He didn't want her to get her hopes up that Jess would want to be a permanent fixture in her life; he hoped that, for both of their sakes, that Jess would be willing to give it a try, but after their conversation, he wasn't certain that she would.

'If you need anything, anything at all Janey, come and get me, alright?' He said as he gave her a gentle peck on the cheek, although he did linger, ever so slightly and breathed in the faint remnants of her perfume.

He then turned and walked slowly up the stairs whilst Jane walked back into the sitting room and sat in the armchair by the fire. At first she just sat and watched as Jessica slept, not wanting to fall asleep herself out of fear that Jess might run off; but her exhaustion and the warmth from the fire soon had her drifting off. That was until she felt someone gently taking hold of her hand some hours later.

Jess had woken with a gasping start, just before eight o'clock. The sun was streaming through the living room window behind her and shone directly into her eyes. She sat bolt upright on the sofa in shear sleepy panic, forgetting, for a few moments, where on earth she was or how she'd arrived there. It took her a few moments to wake up fully and to come to terms with her surroundings. She'd spent so many nights recently in different beds and locations that it was really starting to unnerve her and her already fragile mental state, was really taking a bashing.

She swung her legs from underneath the duvet cover and then looked over to Jane's sleeping form in the corner, next to the smouldering ashes of the fire. At first Jess was angry, as Lovejoy had promised that Jane would not be involved. She thought about just grabbing her stuff and walking out, it wasn't a bad morning and it wouldn't take her long to walk to Kinley; but something was keeping her rooted to the spot.

As she looked at Jane as she slept, she studied Jane's face and spotted one or two familiar features from her own form. She also noticed how Jane tucked her thumbs in between her index and middle fingers, just like she did. This made Jess smile. After many minutes of staring at her biological mother and thinking over her situation, she came to the conclusion that Lovejoy was right; the least that she could do, for herself, was to listen to what Jane had to say. Once she had the answers she wanted, she didn't have to stay in touch with Jane if she didn't want to.

She disappeared into the kitchen, lifted the kettle from its stand, flicked open the lid and stuck it under the cold-water tap. She was trying to do everything as quietly as she could, so that she didn't disturb Jane before she was ready, but it was a little difficult. She found two clean mugs, tea bags, sugar and fresh milk in the fridge.

A few minutes later, Jessica was standing beside Jane again, wondering how she could possibly have slept in the position that she was in. It certainly wasn't going to be very comfortable once she was awake. With a cup of tea in one hand, Jess knelt down next to Jane and with her other, she gently took a hold of Jane's hand. She rubbed gentle little circles on to the back and watched as Jane's eyes slowly began to flutter open.

Jane blinked a few times as she tried to clear her sleep induced fog and she felt sure that her eyes were playing tricks on her. The last person in the world that she expected to see kneeling in front of her, was Jessica. She was still holding onto her hand when she spoke softly to her.

'I didn't know how you liked your tea, so I made it with a splash of milk and just one sugar.' Jess said kindly to her as Jane came to and realised where she was and what had happened. Suddenly the previous day's events all came flooding back to her, but as she moved she realised that she had a crick in her neck and that her back was killing her. However, she didn't care; for Jess had made her a cup of tea and had spoken to her with affection. Surly that was a step in the right direction?

'Thank you,' she said as Jess let go of her hand and passed the mug to her. She then made her way back to the sofa, where she threw the duvet round her to keep her warm, and picked up her own mug from the floor.

An awkward silence then settled between them, neither daring to speak first, not knowing what to say or how to approach the subject. Jane didn't want to rush things, as much as she wanted to tell Jess just how much she loved her, she knew that it could scare her off; so she waited.

In the end, Jess broke the silence.

'I'm sorry for the way I handled things yesterday. I should never have told you who I really was.' She said quietly as her eyes began to fill with tears.

'You have nothing to apologise for Jessica; I should never have reacted the way that I did and I know that my actions hurt you a great deal and for that I will never be able to forgive myself; but I hope that, in time, you might be able to.' Jane replied with sincerity.

'I do forgive you, now, but you have Lovejoy to thank for talking me round. If it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be here at all.' Jess replied, with a slightly bitter undertone to the softness of her voice. 'I never came here with the intentions of hurting you; I just wanted to get some answers. Only three people can tell me the truth and two of them are dead, so that leaves you I'm afraid. You're the only person who knows anything about who I really am and why it was that you didn't want me.'

'Jessica, it wasn't a case of me not wanting you; you were wanted, very much, it's just that…I don't know, the timing wasn't right maybe or, I don't know, maybe I should have fought him harder.' Jane explained as her eyes started to sparkle too.

'What do you mean? Who should you have fought harder?'

'Your father, my husband, Alexander,' Jane said sadly. 'I will tell you everything that happened and all that I ask is that you listen. If you choose, once I have told you, to cut all contact with me, then I will have to live by your decision; but please, at least give me the chance to explain.'

'Alright Lady Felsham, I will listen to you. All that I ask of you is that you answer all of my questions and don't hold anything back.' Jess replied as she prepared herself for the story she was about to receive. Her story.


	4. Chapter 4

Jane sat at the kitchen table and tightly clutched her twelve-week scan in her hand. She still hadn't told Alexander that she was pregnant, even though she'd found out just over a month ago. There never seemed to be the right moment when he was at home, which in the past month amounted to a mere five days, and then the rest of the time he was in Germany. This wasn't the kind of thing that she wanted to tell him over the phone.

She was now thirteen weeks pregnant and, even though she wasn't exactly showing, she was starting to feel pregnant. Her normally flat and toned stomach was starting to look a little less so and her morning sickness had finally stopped; but she was enjoying every second of being pregnant, even her odd craving for pickled onions couldn't put her off.

Her favourite moment so far, was when she went to her twelve-week scan. She'd been so nervous beforehand, in case something was wrong with the baby, but loved seeing it on the screen and watched with amusement as the obstetrician struggled to capture the wriggling baby.

'Well it's certainly stubborn and a little camera shy.' He said as he moved the paddle across Jane's stomach, pressing uncomfortably on her rather full bladder.

Eventually though, he did manage to capture a great shot, just as the baby was about to put its tiny thumb into its mouth. That's what she was looking at now; her beautiful baby happy and content and she wondered what it was doing in there now, with a large smile spread across her face.

As she took a sip from her lukewarm tea, the phone on the wall began to ring loudly. She quickly gulped down the last of her drink as she dashed to pick up the receiver.

'Hello, Jane Felsham speaking.'

'Hello darling,' Alexander answered and Jane smiled broadly at the sound of his voice. 'I'm coming home early. Schubert and Whelm signed on the dotted line, it's a done deal. I'll be on the five o'clock flight home.' He added, which delighted Jane further.

'That's wonderful news.' She exclaimed. 'Your parents are away for the weekend, it's Lord and Lady Newton's golden wedding anniversary, they've gone to the party.'

'That's great darling. Well I'll see you when I get home.' He replied as he then rung off.

Jane was so very excited, although a little apprehensive. Even though Alexander had said that he didn't want children, now that it had happened, she was sure that he would change his mind and she was going to tell him this weekend.

Since they had the house all to themselves, which was a rare occurrence, she wanted to do something very special for her husband to welcome him home. They had a lot to celebrate and that's when she would tell him, the perfect moment.

Once she replaced the handset of the telephone back onto the wall, she made her way back to the kitchen table, proudly tucked the ultrasound picture back into her handbag and went in search of Mrs Cameron, who was cleaning in the small library.

'Mrs Cameron, Mr Felsham is returning home early, he'll be arriving late tonight; will you make him some supper for when he comes in?' Jane asked.

'Certainly, Mrs Felsham. Should I prepare him anything in particular?'

'No Mrs Cameron, just something light, as I'm certain that he won't feel up to much. Then I'd like to give you the rest of the weekend off.'

With that, Jane then said goodbye to the housekeeper and grabbed her car keys. She drove into town with a quickly scribbled shopping list, with an exact idea of what she was going to buy. She was going to cook, a skill that she was actually very good at, the most romantic meal possible; she would have candles and wine, well, not for her obviously, but she would still buy a special bottle for Alexander.

It wasn't often the case that she was required to cook at Felsham Hall, but if she ever did, she preferred to buy local. At least she knew where it came from and that it was of exceptional quality. It also meant that she could build a good relationship with the local people, which would be important in the future, for when she became Lady Felsham.

She first went into the butchers, Catchpole and son, to buy some steak. It was an old family run shop, who only did business with local farmers. Their meat was of the highest quality for miles and simply perfect for what she had in mind; but what she hadn't intended on, was her reaction when she went inside.

As soon as she walked in the smell hit her hard and she struggled not to throw up. She became very pale and clammy and the deeper she inhaled to stop herself from being sick, the more she felt like she was going to vomit.

'Are you alright Miss?' The young lad behind the counter asked with concern, just as Jane gripped the counter.

'Yes thank you, I'm just a bit tired,' she replied as she tried to compose herself. 'I'll have two of the tenderloin steaks please.' She added quickly, but had to turn away when the smell grew stronger, as he slapped the pieces of meat onto the paper and wrapped them up into a bag.

She sharply made payment and left the shop as swiftly as she could, breathing a sigh of relief when she reached fresh air, and left the young butcher's assistant utterly bewildered. She enjoyed being pregnant, but certain aspects of it, really sucked!

Thankfully, the rest of the shopping trip was less eventful and she made it home again in one piece, but she was very tired, which was happening a lot lately. So, it was a case of feet up and rest, although she hadn't intended to fall asleep and certainly not for as long as she had done.

One minute she was laid on her bed in the early evening, reading her book and the next it was late into the night and she was woken by Alexander arriving home.

'Sorry darling, I didn't mean to wake you.' He said softly.

'That's alright. I didn't realise how long I'd been asleep for.' Jane replied sleepily.

She shuffled over slightly in the bed to let Alex sit next to her and smiled as he wrapped her into his arms. He kissed her sweetly and it made her even more excited about telling him their news; surely, a man who can greet her like that would be happy to become a father? She was glad to have her husband back and just knew that a baby would complete their lives. She just really hoped that he took the news well.

The next morning they stayed in bed and enjoyed not having to be somewhere by a certain time. For once, neither of them had a timetable to stick to or meetings to attend. They could do what they wanted and when they wanted, which was fairly liberating for them both.

'Would you like to go for a walk later? It looks like it's going be another glorious day.' Jane said brightly as Alexander laced his fingers through hers. 'Or we could go for a bike ride.' She added, but neither seemed to really appeal to Alexander.

'Perhaps we'll go for a walk; I'll see how we feel later.' He replied.

Nevertheless, Jane was unperturbed; she felt determined that today was going to be very special and nothing was going to spoil it. She was going to treat her husband and enjoy every waking second that she spent with him; then she'd start on their dinner. She'd make him set up the dinner table for them and then she would tell him between the main course and the pudding. She felt so very excited.

So was so lost in her happy ponderings that she hadn't listened to a word that Alexander had just said, but, slowly, his words started to filter through to her and brought her back to the here and now.

'Actually, I have something that I want to give to you.' He said as he got out of the bed and walked towards his suitcases, abandoned from the night before.

He pulled out a beautifully wrapped box and handed it to her, which she took with a large smile as she began to rip the paper off and opened the box lid. Inside there was a Faberge Egg, beautifully decorated and hand painted.

'Alexander it's beautiful! Where on earth did you get it from?' She exclaimed.

'From a little antiques place in Hamburg. I saw it in the shop window and remembered how you had admired the one that the Barret's owned, so I knew I just had to get it for you.' He said as he kissed her temple.

When they eventually did get up and out of bed, they went for a walk in the afternoon, down the country lanes, through the wooded area at the back of the house and then, eventually, back home. They had taken their two spaniels, Jasper and Monty, with them and they had both laughed at their antics. It was a perfect afternoon, but Jane had constantly been distracted. All the while, she kept thinking that there was something missing from their picture and how, in a few months, that picture would be completed.

'Darling, why don't you sit and relax for a few hours whilst I make a start on dinner?' She suggested once they had returned to the house.

She was going to make steak au poivre, which she knew was one of his favourites. She just hoped that the smell of the meat wouldn't make her feel sick again, but it wasn't as overpowering this time round. She ground the peppercorns in a pestle and mortar and prepared the steaks with it, making sure that she got thorough coverage on the meat. She hated it when the coating wasn't sufficient. Whilst the steaks were then cooking, she prepared the cognac sauce and the vegetables.

She was quite delighted with the result and it smelt delicious. She was just about to taste the sauce when she felt two hands on her shoulders and a gentle kiss placed at the nape of her neck. Alexander's breath tickled her and she gave a happy, contented giggle.

'Mmm, something smells delicious.' He commented as he looked into the pans in front of his wife.

'Steak au poivre, your favourite.' She replied.

'You know darling, if the interior design thing doesn't work out, perhaps you should take up cooking.'

I somehow doubt that your mother would approve of that.' She laughed. 'It's just about ready, if you wouldn't mind going through and setting up the table.'

She served the meal on their finest china plates, using her artistic skills to present the food in a way that the finest chef in London would be proud of, before taking it out into the dining room. Alexander had set the table with silver cutlery and crystal wine glasses and was just lighting the candles when Jane walked in. He had poured her a glass of red wine, which she didn't object to right away, as she wanted something to at least offer a toast with.

As they sat down together, they both raised their glasses and gently clinked the tops, the sound of which echoed round the room. Jane smiled brightly at her husband, with a soft twinkle in her eyes.

'Jane, this is simply wonderful. I am a very lucky man to have you for my wife; not only are you stunningly beautiful, but this meal looks and smells divine.' He said. 'And it's so very lovely to have the house all to ourselves, just the two of us.' He added and Jane couldn't hold it in any longer, she just had to tell him.

'It is wonderful to have this time together, but it isn't exactly just the two of us.' She started slowly.

'How do you mean darling?'

'Well, it isn't going to be just the two of us for much longer; I'm pregnant, the first test I did a few weeks ago was a false negative.' She explained with excitement, but she was disappointed by the response that she got from her husband.

'Oh, well isn't that marvellous,' he said with an unenthusiastic, almost sarcastic, tone, as he put his glass down roughly onto the table.

'Well you could sound happier about it Alexander; in fact, you could sound a lot happier about it. We're going to have a baby!' She said with a furrowed brow, trying not to get herself too upset.

'Well how can I sound happy about something when I'm not? You know exactly where I stand on this Jane!' He said with frustration, trying not to raise his voice.

'Yes, you made that quite clear, but it's happened now and I'm absolutely delighted about it, so the least that you could do is try to be happy for us too!' She replied, but she wasn't trying to keep her voice down.

'And how exactly do you propose that I do that? Jump around? Wave flags in the air? Hmm? I can't pretend to be something that I am not Jane!' He shouted as he stood up from his seat, their dinner quite forgotten. 'A child will be the ruin of our lives Jane, not the making of it!' And with that as his final parting comment, he stormed out of the room and slammed the dining room door shut, leaving Jane sobbing and bereft.

There were many more arguments like this in the days and weeks that followed, with accusations and insults flying between them, tears and tantrums too. By the time Jane was seventeen weeks pregnant, she was emotionally wrecked.

'Look Jane, this has nothing to do with not loving you; I adore you and you should know that, but we are far too young at this stage in our lives, we have long, fruitful careers ahead of us and having a child would ruin that for us.' Alexander said one evening after yet another day of arguments. 'It's not even born yet and it's already causing issues for my career; I'm supposed to be going to Hong Kong tomorrow on a business trip, but I've had to cancel it to stay here with you!'

'Oh ho, well if staying here with me is such a terrible loss to you, why don't you just go?!' Jane spat angrily at him and much to her surprise she meant it.

'I cannot go through another night like this Jane.' He said in angry frustration. 'I'm tired of your irrational behaviour. I'm going to London; I'll stay at the club.' He added as he grabbed a bag of things and left her. She had no idea whether or not he would be back and in that second, she didn't care.

She sat in window seat of her bedroom, with her hand rubbing her growing baby bump. She was getting to a nice size now, where her clothes were starting to pinch and she was showing clear signs of being pregnant. Not that anyone else had noticed.

To avoid his parents getting caught in their crossfire, Alexander had paid for a cruise for them, so they would be gone for several more weeks and the staff were too busy with their work to notice. Each time Jane wore something that was a little tight around her growing baby, Alexander would chastise her, making comments that she was inappropriately dressed and telling her to change.

As she sat and looked out into the grounds, she smiled at the thought of her baby playing outside in the garden. She imagined her playing with her child, the dogs running around making them giggle; she imagined the birthday parties they could have and saw herself sat with her baby on her knee, helping to blow out candles or showing off her well-mannered child at barbeques and at social dinners. She smiled as she allowed her imagination to run wild, but there was a massive problem with each scene that played; Alex never featured in a single one.

She allowed several tears to trickle down her cheeks and the first time that she felt it, she thought that it had been her imagination, but then she felt it again. It was a very strange sensation, like bubbles popping in her stomach or butterflies perhaps. She rushed over to her bedside cabinet, knelt down and found the book that she'd hidden behind it, away from Alexander's prying eyes. She quickly flipped through the pages until she came across a passage about baby movement. It described exactly what it was that she was feeling inside her and she let out an excited giggle as she realised that she had just felt her baby moving.

Her excitement was met with the feeling of sadness, as she realised that, yet again, there was no one there with her to share in her excitement; she was so very alone and as she continued to read down the passage about her baby's development, she read that her baby was now at the stage where it could hear things going on in the outside world, which turned her sadness to guilt.

'I'm sorry little one; you must think me a terrible mother already, with all this stress and shouting going on.' She whispered as she once again rubbed her baby and once again, she felt the ripples of it moving.

She feared that Alexander wouldn't come back after he went to London, but he did return, almost a week later, with an apologetic look, more jewellery for her and her favourite perfume.

'I'm sorry darling for the way we left things when I left.' He whispered as he held her tightly.

'Does that mean that you've changed your mind?' She whispered as he held her tightly and she felt frustrated when he hesitated.

'No, I haven't; but I don't want to fight about it anymore. However, I believe that you need to think things through more clearly than you are doing. I'm worried about what you will do once the baby is born. I've just received a promotion at work, which means there will be a lot more money coming in for us, but it will also mean that I will be away more than I already am. You'll be needed by my side more often, not to mention your own career. What will you do if Hawkes and Draper don't let you come back to work? They're an old fashioned company and their opinions on women in the workplace are particularly so.' He explained as they sat on the edge of the bed, his arm draped round her shoulders.

'Well that's great about your promotion, I'm very happy for you and of course I will be delighted to support you, but I've already thought about my own future, which should really be mine to decide, don't you think? I think it's time that I left Hawkes and Draper and started my own business, which is what I wanted to do from the start anyway. I've built up a good portfolio and got a list of great clients already and with your contacts at the bank, there'll be no question of me getting a business loan, should I need it. I could set my office up here at the house, which would mean that I would be on hand to look after our child, but your mother could help should I need it, or I could hire a nanny.' She explained hopefully.

For now, Alexander was defeated and couldn't come up with a response or objection to her, which she took to mean that he agreed. As far as she was concerned that was the end of his objections.

By the time she was twenty weeks pregnant, Alexander was working away more than ever, but his parents had returned home from their cruise and Jane was shocked and astounded to discover, that Mary thought Alexander's treatment of his wife was appalling.

'How can he possibly say that he doesn't want children? Who would take over Felsham from him?' Mary said one day as she and Jane sat together in the garden, one sunny afternoon.

'Well I don't quite know what it is that he expects me to do Lady Felsham,' even now, she was still on very formal terms with her mother-in-law. 'In the early days he didn't actually say it, but he hinted that he thought I should have a termination; now though, well I'm not too sure. He doesn't seem interested in anything other than his work.' She huffed.

'Well, I can understand why. He has worked exceptionally hard to get to where he is and he doesn't want to give that up; but that does not give him the right to turn his back on his child, unless it isn't his of course?' Mary said with a raised brow and even in supporting her daughter-in-law's cause, she still couldn't think well of Jane.

'Of course it's his, it would never be anyone else's would it?!' Jane snapped. 'He has decided that he doesn't want children, which he should have talked to me about before we were married; but he didn't and now I am pregnant and I want my baby to be loved by its father.' She said with frustration, her voice raising an octave.

'And I'm not disagreeing with you Jane.'

This conversation of course led to more arguments between Jane, Alexander and now his mother too and, eventually, Alexander stopped saying anything about the situation. He was still adamant that he wanted nothing to do with the baby, but he was really losing the war and was starting to feel like there was no way out for him.

'Right I'm heading into town; is there anything that you need?' Jane asked him as she stood up from the side of the bed and grabbed her bag.

'Not for me, but what are you going in for?' He replied tersely, as he had done every day in the past week.

'Well none of my clothes are fitting me, so I am in desperate need of some maternity clothes. You should come with me; we really need to start thinking about the nursery.' She said happily.

'No thanks, shopping really isn't my thing, especially not for baby things; I wouldn't know the first thing to buy.' Alexander replied with a disapproving tone.

Not taking him on his challenge, she kissed him on the cheek and set off for Norwich. It was further afield than she would normally go, but there was a baby boutique that she had heard about that she was desperate to try and it was just as amazing as she had hoped for.

There were racks upon racks of maternity clothes, as well as baby clothes and other paraphernalia. Once she was amongst it all, she felt quite dizzy with excitement as she chose some items of clothing to try on.

'Can I help you?' The kind middle-aged lady behind the counter asked, as Jane approached her with an armful of clothes.

'Yes, do you have anywhere that I can try these on?' Jane asked.

'Certainly; follow me.'

Jane followed the woman towards the back of the shop to two cubicles that had dark green velvet curtains.

'If you want to leave the bulk of your outfits here with me, I'll pass them through the curtain to you; there isn't much room in there once you're inside.' The woman said with a smile at Jane's bump as she took the clothes from Jane.

Jane gave her an excited smile back as she did as she was instructed and they chatted happily as she tried on outfit after outfit.

'So how far along are you?' The lady, named Cathy, asked her.

'twenty-five weeks; I can scarcely believe it, the weeks are just flying in since I found out.' Jane replied as she pulled off a rather hideous red and yellow stripped dress.

'Oh it'll will; your baby will be here before you know it.' Came the reply as she handed Jane another outfit.

This went on for nearly an hour, as Jane chose outfits she liked and gave back the ones she didn't, until she came across her favourite one. She admired her reflection in the mirror, as she tried on a blue, tartan-esque jumpsuit, which hugged her baby bump beautifully. It was perfectly practical for her work and felt very comfortable too.

'Hopefully we will see you and your baby in again soon.' The shop owner said as she handed Jane several bags of maternity wear.

'I'm most certain that you will and thank you ever so much for your help.' Jane replied with a broad smile, which she carried all the way back to her car.

Even though she had already adjusted her seat before coming out, so that she could accommodate her bump, she felt that she needed to readjust it, as she still wasn't comfortable. The heat from the summer sun was beating down on her, which was making her feel extra uncomfortable and she couldn't wait to get home to put her feet up. She was exhausted and her feet started to swell, but as she felt her baby kicking, it made her laugh happily. However, her happiness didn't seem to last for long.

When she arrived back at Felsham Hall, she put her shopping bags down onto the floor in the hall way and she shouted out to her husband.

'Alexander? Are you here? Come have a look at what I've bought. You should have seen the shop I was in; literally crammed with stuff; I swear if I'd been a little bigger I would never have made my way round without knocking things over.' She laughed, but she got no reply. 'Alexander are you actually here?' She asked with concern before she heard a saddened reply, as he appeared at the doorway to the parlour.

'I'm here.' He replied with great pained sadness, causing Jane's worry to intensify.

'Darling what is it?' She asked, her previous happy tone completely gone as she went to his side and took a hold of his hand.

'Mother has had a heart attack Jane, a massive one; she died about an hour ago.' He explained

'Oh Alexander, I am so sorry.' She said softly as she held him tightly around the waist, but he seemed to get frustrated with her when he couldn't fit his arms around her, since her baby bump kept getting in the way, so he gently removed himself from her and went into the parlour, where he poured himself a large whisky. 'Is there anything that I can do?'

'No, thank you. Father's on his way home from the hospital now.' Alexander explained.

'I don't understand; when I spoke to her this morning she looked absolutely fine!'

'She thought that she had indigestion and went to get her tablets; father heard a loud crash as she hit the floor and I called the ambulance. She was taken to hospital, but it was too late. She died on her way there.' He explained as he took a long sip from his glass, practically downing its contents in one gulp. 'I think I'm going to lie down for a while.' He said suddenly as he went to brush past her.

'Of course; is there anything I can get for you?' Jane replied with genuine tears in her eyes, unsure what she could do to help her husband.

'No, I just want to be left alone for a while.' He replied as he walked off, but as Jane watched him start to climb the stairs, he suddenly stopped and looked at her. 'So much for your idea about getting her to look after it.' He said resentfully and he nodded his head at her stomach. At the sound of his harsh words, Jane instinctively placed her hands over her stomach and glared at him as he marched away. However, he was right; she had lost her only argument and ally, which made her feel like she was losing the battle.

Whilst the funeral was being arranged, the baby wasn't mentioned by either of them, but their troubles only intensified and their marriage came under more pressure, as Edward didn't recover from the shock of losing his wife and within a month of losing his mother, Alexander also lost his father. It was a stroke that killed him.

Now at thirty weeks pregnant, Jane was very big. She hadn't told any of her family yet, under Alexander's instructions. Her own parents were away travelling in Australia and New Zealand, visiting family and friends and they were very difficult to get hold of and her sister Prue was currently in America. They very rarely spoke as she was busy with her own business and family and there never seemed to be a right moment, Alexander made sure of that.

He returned to his work as soon as his father's funeral was over, travelling to deals in, Brussels, Paris, Hong Kong and Rome. He was constantly busy and barely said two words to Jane about the baby, until Jane approached him about the kind of birth that she wanted.

'I've been talking about the birth with our midwife and I have decided that I want to have the baby here, at Felsham Hall.' She said one morning over breakfast. Having a home birth made her nervous, but she hoped that it would allow Alexander to bond with his child quicker if it were born at the house.

'I think that's an excellent idea darling, it will make it less public.' He said harshly as he looked up at his wife over his paper.

'It'll make what less public? My happiness at the birth of our only child!' Jane replied, fed up of the constant arguments.

'No Jane, not that; I've been consulting with an adoption agency and social services. I think it's time that you stopped kidding yourself about this baby and started living in the real world. I don't want it, I've made that clear from the very start and I feel railroaded into this. You are not even twenty yet and if you go through with keeping it, I will force you out; you will be a single mother, out on your ear and this might be the seventies, but being a single mother is still very frowned upon.' He shouted and for the first time, he really scared Jane with his temper. He shot up from his seat at the dining table and marched out of the room, leaving Jane in stunned silence.

This carried on for nearly a week, with him shouting at her and wearing her down. The baby was making her tired as well, which made it even harder to battle with him. When he wasn't shouting at her he was away in London, but Jane was emotionally beaten.

The final week before her baby was born, Jane did nothing but rest. Her feet and ankles were constantly swollen, her back was aching and all she wanted to do was sleep, but it gave her lots of time to think. Alexander was right about one or two things, he was never going to love his baby or want to be a part of its life, she realised that now and she would never survive as a single mother. Her parents, although they loved her and were good to her, they were old fashioned and would not approve of Jane getting divorced or becoming a single mother.

'I want you to have a mother and a father who love you,' she whispered as she rubbed her protruding belly and watched as the baby shifted its position, causing her a great deal of discomfort, but she smiled just the same. She knew that these were the final days she had to enjoy her baby; Alexander had won. She wanted her baby to be happy and to feel loved and it was never going to get that from Alexander and it deserved a much better mother than she was.

On the day that the baby was born, the midwife was called in the early hours of the morning on the 14th of October. Jane had experienced Braxton hicks on and off over a period of a few days, but then she woke up with the pains far more intense than she had experienced before.

'You are two centimetres dilated already.' The midwife said after examining Jane. 'Your baby will be here soon.' She added with a smile.

'What? But it can't arrive now, it's too early!' Jane exclaimed in shear panic.

'It's a little early, but only by four weeks, so I have no reason to believe that it won't be healthy.' The midwife reassured her as she gently caressed Jane's hand. 'Would you like me to bring Lord Felsham in now?'

'Yes please,' Jane said nervously as she shuffled uncomfortably in her bed and waited for Alexander to appear. He looked worried when he did come in, but not excited and she wasn't certain if the worry was for her wellbeing or from concern she might change her mind.

He sat by her side and held her hand tightly, he even fluffed up her pillows for her and seemed exceptionally attentive to her needs. He did love her, even if he didn't want to have a baby, his love for her was very real; however, his treatment of her over the last few months, had damaged his relationship with his wife forever. Things between them never would be the same again.

'Are you alright? Do you need me to get you anything?' He asked as he rubbed a cool cloth over her sweaty forehead.

'No, I think I'm alright thank you.' She said as she gripped his hand tightly and grimaced against the pain of another contraction. She was now seven centimetres dilated and the pains were worse than ever. 'Remind me why I wanted a home birth again?' She said with a small laugh.

Before long her waters had broken and the baby was ready to be born; she pushed every time the midwife told her to and cried out as she held on to Alexander's hand. It was a long labour and almost took the whole day for Jane to give birth to her baby girl, born at five to ten at night and weighing only five pound fifteen ounces. She was dainty, but perfectly healthy.

Once the midwife had done everything that she needed to and had checked the baby over, she handed her to Jane, who was exhausted and ached, but had never felt happier than she did in that moment. It was a moment and a feeling that she never forgot, as her baby fell asleep in her arms, with her tiny little hand wrapped around her finger.

'I think I'm going to call you Jessica,' she whispered as she enjoyed those bittersweet few hours with her daughter, with Alexander nowhere to be found.


	5. Chapter 5

Jane sat in her bed and cradled her one-day-old baby, who had fallen asleep peacefully in her mother's arms. She had persuaded Alexander to let her have one day with their daughter, something that he was very reluctant to agree to.

'Jane, it will only make things harder for you when they come to take her; in fact, you should let them come first thing in the morning.' He said softly to her as he placed his arm around her shoulders. 'I thought that I could take you away for a couple of weeks once it's all over; Italy perhaps, Rome, Venice, Tuscany, I know you've always wanted to go there. Just the two of us.' He added, but Jane could barely say two words to her husband, let alone look at him.

'Alexander, I don't want to think about what we will do next; you are forcing me to give up our daughter, our beautiful daughter and…'

'Jane, I'm not forcing you into anything! You don't want a baby either, ruining our lives and our careers; it's much better that we give it up to a family who perhaps can't have children, it'll have a much happier life and we can get on with ours.' He said with a frustrated tone that they were yet again having this argument.

'She Alexander; she is not an it, she's a girl…'

'Oh for heaven's sake Jane!' Alexander exclaimed as he shot from the bed. 'If you don't want to go to Italy, then I'll let you choose somewhere else, but we will be going somewhere.' Alexander then left the room.

Although the midwife had told Jane to rest and get some sleep, she didn't. She didn't want to waste what precious time she had left with her baby, who was completely oblivious to the pain that her mother was in.

'I don't want to lose you; I can't bear the thought of us never being together again, but you need to be with two people who love and adore you and want you more than anything else in the world, the way that I do.' She sobbed as she looked at her baby and stroked her little face and tiny hands.

When the time finally came for the social worker to arrive, Jessica was placed into a carrier, whilst her parents signed all of the legal documents and the social worker explained all of the processes and their rights. Jane then withdrew from their company retreated to the sanctuary of her bedroom.

As she closed the door behind her, she collapsed onto the floor, her hand still gripping the door handle and she cried out as her body became wracked with guilt and grief, which only intensified as she heard her daughter cry. Her heart was breaking and there was nothing that anyone could do to help her. When she heard the front door opening, she ran to her bedroom window, where she got one final glimpse of her baby, before she was placed with care into the car.

Jane rested her head and her hands against the cool glass of the window, which steamed up with her breath as she cried and screamed for hours until she was sick.

oOo

Half way through her explanation, Jane had moved from her seat by the fire to the sofa next to Jessica and now, as she finally reached the most painful part of her story, Jessica was surprised to find herself holding on tightly to a sobbing Jane, completely bereft by the painful, heart breaking memories.

Jess was stunned by Jane's explanation; she hadn't yet met Alexander, but from what Jane had described, she believed he was a manipulative bastard, but it was clear that, after everything he had put her through, Jane still didn't see it, which hurt Jess all the more.

'Let me get you a glass of water,' Jess said softly as she then disappeared into the kitchen and she appreciated the few moments to herself.

She hadn't anticipated Jane becoming so upset, especially after her reaction the day before and, if she was really honest, she was feeling rather overwhelmed. She wasn't sure how to deal with the situation, as her heart was breaking for Jane, but at the same time she was angry and upset. She still felt that, even after everything Alexander had put her through, Jane had turned her back on her child and had chosen him over her. Jessica really wished that Lovejoy was downstairs, as he would have known exactly what to say and what to do.

After composing herself, she took the glass through to Jane, who was still sobbing, although not quite as intensely. Her eyes were reddened and sore with tears and exhaustion; her back was aching, and her head was starting to throb. She was as far removed from the glamourous Lady Felsham as she could possibly be.

They sat in silence for a few moments, whilst Jane sipped at her water and then they both heard a couple of squeaks of the floorboards and a very sheepish Lovejoy peering down at them.

'I'm sorry to interrupt you, I didn't want to disturb you before, when I heard you talking, but then everything went quiet so I thought that I'd better check that you were alright,' he said, still dressed in the t-shirt and jogging bottoms that he'd slept in.

'That's alright Lovejoy,' Jane said with a weak smile.

Lovejoy walked down another couple of steps, but still hovered a little as he asked, 'why don't I make us all some coffee?'

'That would be lovely, thank you,' Jess said as she then watched him excuse himself and disappear into the kitchen, silently cursing himself for interrupting them.

He silently watched them together through the gap in the serving hatch and prayed that Jessica would say something soon. At the moment she was sat in complete, stunned silence and she felt unable to respond.

'Jessica, I'm sorry, I'm so, so sorry,' Jane said with a much calmer voice. 'Please believe me when I say that I only did what I thought was best for you…'

'Best for me or best for you?' Jess spat angrily. 'I mean, it's ironic that you say that you gave me up so that I wasn't raised by a single mother, when that's exactly what ended up happening,' she added as she tried harder to keep her tone neutral and hide her anger, but both Jane and Lovejoy still detected the bitter edge in her voice.

'Jessica, I never wanted to hurt you; but you deserved a lot more than what Alexander and I could give you,' Jane said defensively.

'Is that right? Well, did you at least make an attempt to find me or ask where I was?'

'Once I had signed the papers I wasn't allowed to know anything; the only request I could make was that your name wasn't changed. I named you after my grandmother.' Jane explained with an exhausted, yet slightly irate, tone.

'Well they kept to your request then didn't they,' Jess said with a raised brow and pursed lips. She really was trying to hide her anger and her true feelings, which was blatantly obvious to Jane and to Lovejoy too and he wasn't happy with the way the conversation was going.

He understood how Jessica felt and he understood how painful all of this must be for her, but he could also see the pain that Jane was in and he wanted, desperately, to protect her from any more hurt.

'Jessica, there's obviously something that you want to say, so just say it,' Jane said sharply, although she was a little afraid of the answer that she would get.

'Alright, I will,' Jess said slowly, trying to keep a lid on her anger and frustration. 'I think you should have tried harder to keep me; I think you let Alexander manipulate you and you took the easy route out. It's not as if your life has been a complete devastation without me, has it Lady Felsham!' Jess said with her voice growing louder and angrier with every word she spoke; she was visibly upset but trying to remain strong and not let it show.

'And what would you have me do for twenty years? Lock myself away from the world and have a nervous breakdown?' Jane said angrily. 'Once I knew that you were happy that's all I cared about; but there hasn't been a day when I haven't thought about you.'

Lovejoy watched the exchange of heated words and was in two minds about staying or leaving them to their privacy, but neither seemed bothered by his presence.

'Lovejoy, pass me my bag please,' Jane asked after a moment of anger and bitter silence and he did as he was asked, although he was a little reluctant; he believed that Jane was about to leave and regardless of what happened next between her and Jess, he didn't want them to part on angry words.

'Jane I don't think…'

'It's alright Lovejoy, I just want to take something from it to show to Jessica,' Jane replied quietly and calmly, realising why he had such a concerned look on his face.

He handed the bag to her and both he and Jessica watched as she flicked the catch on the front, flipped open the cover and unzipped an inside compartment. She pulled out a black and white photograph, which had been lovingly cared for, for twenty years and she handed it calmly to Jessica, before taking her place beside her again. This time though, she sat a little closer to her daughter as she showed her the picture.

'I had this picture taken of us just after you were born; Alexander doesn't know that it exists and I have kept it with me every second of every day since you were taken from me,' Jane explained as she showed Jess the picture of them together. Even though a few, short hours after it was captured they were separated from each other, Jane still looked so delighted to be a mother. She was barely looking at the midwife, who had taken the photograph, but was merely glancing in her direction; for her attention was completely taken up with the baby held in her arms.

Jess stared intently at the picture and felt her eyes begin to prickle and her heart began to ache even more. She finally released a couple of choked sobs and allowed every ounce of grief that she felt to be freed; her grief at her mother's death, her grief at discovering she was adopted and the grief that she felt now after hearing Jane's story. It all came flooding out and Jane felt the overwhelming need to comfort her baby. She wrapped her arms around Jess's shoulders and pulled her into her and she felt a mix of emotions as Jess relaxed into her hold. She clung tightly on to her natural mother, who began to sob with her daughter.

Lovejoy quietly left the room and went out into the morning sunlight, taking a few deep breaths of fresh air. It had been a very emotional couple of days and he felt exhausted and drained. He pinched the bridge of his nose as he leaned against Jane's car and closed his eyes, which rapidly flew open after a few seconds, when he heard the familiar sound of someone singing.

They were some distance down the lane to begin with, but, after a few seconds, the singing grew louder as the person drew closer. Lovejoy knew exactly who it was; it was a sound that he had often heard, although usually much earlier in the morning than this, or much later at night depending on your view. He walked towards the lane where, sure enough, Tinker was cycling his bike in a not so very straight line.

'I'm a Gnu, I'm a Gnu, The g-nicest work of g-nature in the zoo, I'm a Gnu, How do you do, You really ought to k-now w-ho's w-ho, I'm a Gnu, Spelt G-N-U, I'm g-not a Camel or a Kangaroo, So let me introduce, I'm g-neither man or moose, Oh g-no g-no g-no I'm a Gnu,' Tinker sang merrily as he nearly steered his bicycle into a hedge.

'Tinker what are you playing at now?!' Lovejoy said with exhausted frustration.

'Lovejoy old bean, got some news for you that might cheer you up,' Tinker hiccupped as he got to Lovejoy's gate. 'Eric and I know who set you up and we know why they did it.'

Lovejoy had clean forgotten about the charges against him, his attack and kidnapping and, if he was honest, he didn't much care anymore. All he cared about now, was how he could help his Janey.

'Tink, now really isn't a good time,' Lovejoy replied as he tried to help Tinker off his bike, who was struggling to get his leg over the seat and as he straightened himself up, Tink finally noticed Jane's car.

'Eric said that he thought you'd had a booty call from Lady Jane last night,' He said as he inclined his head at the range rover, with a disapproving look. 'Be careful there Lovejoy.'

'Nothing happened Tinker; I mean, yes she stayed the night here, but it's a lot more complicated than that. I can't go into it though and I can't invite you in either.'

'Lovejoy, if the county were to find out about this, that poor girl's reputation, not to mention her marriage, would be over.'

'To be quite perfectly honest Tinker, after what's happened, I don't think she would care about any of that,' Lovejoy said as he glanced sadly into his house through the open back door.

'What do you mean Lovejoy; what's happened?' Tinker asked with great concern.

'Something that I can't discuss with you or anyone else for that matter,' Lovejoy replied with great sadness. 'Honest Tink, nothing happened between us; but I really need to get back in to her.'

'Alright Lovejoy, I'll go; but just remember what I said,' Tinker said as he turned his bike round and pushed it out of the yard.

Lovejoy braced himself as he went inside and expected to see the two women sat side by side on the sofa still, but Jane was quite alone.

'Where's Jessica gone to?' He asked with concern as he sat beside her with his arm around her.

'She said that she wanted to be alone for a little while, so I told her to lie down in your spare room; I hope you don't mind,' Jane sniffed as she wiped away her tears.

'Of course I don't mind,' he replied as he placed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

They sat in silence for a very long time, just holding onto each other and Lovejoy offering her what comfort he could. Jane was an emotional wreck after reliving those memories, as she played them over and over in her mind. She wished that things had been different; she wished that she'd been stronger and she feared that her lack of strength back then, may have cost her, her future with her daughter now.

Jessica had gone upstairs, but she hadn't intended to fall asleep. However, when she did wake up she felt a lot better for it. She rolled onto her back and stared up at the ceiling and noticed how dark the room had become in the couple of hours she'd been there. When she looked out of the window, the sky was a very dark, cloudy grey and she distinctly heard a rumble of thunder far away in the distance. She loved a good thunderstorm.

As she watched shadows dancing above her, she allowed a few silent tears to trickle down her face. She thought about everything that Jane had told her that morning and it affected her more than she thought it would, but not in the way that she expected. It made her pine for her mum and the thought made her sob even more.

The thought of being alone in the world made her miss home; she missed her friends and her art studio, she missed the ability to work until the small hours of the morning, until her mum walked in to scold her for not getting sleep. She liked the countryside here, but she yearned for the busy, traffic jammed streets of London, with buildings everywhere and very little green. She missed her life of ignorance, where she had grown up believing that she was the wanted child of Harry and Kay Carter, not the unwanted child of Lord and Lady Felsham. It just didn't fit with who she was.

It's time I returned home, she thought with determined conviction, but she couldn't bear the thought of facing Jane again. She didn't want to hurt her, but she'd got the answer that she had come for. She didn't want to build up Jane's hopes that there could be anything between them.

She grabbed a piece of paper and a pen that were sitting on the chest of drawers and wrote her letter.

 _Dear Jane_

 _I want you to know, that I'm not angry with you, but I just couldn't face telling you this. I'm not very good at goodbyes._

 _Thank you for telling me the truth about who I am, or rather, who I was, it is a relief to know that you did love me; but being here has made me realise that I miss my home and I miss my mum. I know that she's never coming back and I need to find a way to deal with that now and to move on with my life._

 _She really was a fantastic mother and I was very lucky to have been adopted by her; I'm not saying that to hurt you or to have a go, I just wanted you to know that, yes, I was very happy and very loved, so you did get your wish about that. However, it is time that I tried to deal with her death, rather than run away from it, which is what I have done in the last month, is run away and hide._

 _I know that you hoped that there might be something between us, now that I've come back into your life, but that isn't what I want and I am sorry. I really don't want to hurt you, but perhaps, now that you have seen me and know what has become of me, you might be able to move on as well._

 _Please tell Lovejoy thanks for everything; you really do have a good friend in him and I hope that he will help you through this and help you to move on._

 _Jessica_

Jane read the letter several times after Lovejoy had handed it to her. She had gone upstairs for a lie down after Jess had. It felt rather odd to be in Lovejoy's bed and she knew that he would normally have made some quip about it, but he didn't, not this time, under the severity of everything that had happened. He had been out the back in his workshop, working on an old cabinet that he'd won at an auction, when Jessica had left. He hadn't heard her leave, he would have tried to stop her had he known, but when he went back inside the house, the letter had been waiting on the table for Jane.

He sat at the table for ages with the letter in his hand. He hadn't wanted to open it, but he needed to know that its contents wouldn't be too distressing to Jane, but he thought that Jess's letter was beautifully written and she had obviously taken a lot of time to find the right words.

'Lovejoy, you've got to go after her,' Jane sobbed as she buried her head into his shoulder, but Lovejoy knew that, this time, it wasn't a good idea.

They stood together in his kitchen, with her wrapped into his arms and he felt tears springing to his own eyes as she cried so helplessly. That really was it for her now, she really was never going to see her baby ever again and she knew there was nothing she could do to stop it. If Jess wanted no contact with her, she was going to have to find a way to accept it, like she had said she would do.

Jess was just as heavy hearted and as upset though and felt guilty for the pain she had caused Jane. In a way she was angry with Jane, as she felt that her biological mother had chosen her husband over her daughter, but she wasn't leaving because of her anger.

After she had made her decision to leave, she had walked down the stairs feeling relieved that the living room was completely empty. She'd grabbed her bag from its place beside the sofa and placed the letter onto the kitchen table, before jogging as quickly as she could out of the house so that no one could stop her.

The stormy sky above her made her walk faster along the country roads and a few cracks of thunder made her look up. She felt a few drops of rain on her face before the heavens opened completely and the rain was soon lashing down upon her and soaked her to the skin. She shivered as she tried to shelter in an old wooden bus stop, although she might as well have been outside as it had more holes in the roof that a colander. After a few moments she decided to brave the storm again and started walking, but she soon heard more rumbles of thunder in the distance; no, that wasn't thunder, it was a motorbike and it was growing nearer.

As she turned round she saw a motorbike and sidecar approach her, which slowed down to a stop beside her and the young man driving lifted up his visor on his helmet.

'Can I give you a lift somewhere?' He asked kindly.

'I'm trying to get to Kinley,' Jess replied, feeling embarrassed that she looked like a drowned rat.

'Get in and I'll take you; I'm going there myself and it will be much quicker,' he said as he pulled the cover back on the sidecar.

Jess was very grateful to him for his help, even though she was already soaked to the skin, it would be a lot quicker than walking. As she climbed into the sidecar, she thought about how disapproving her mother would be if she could see her daughter now and the thought brought a smile to her lips, with a hint of sadness.

She hoped, now that she knew the truth about her real parentage that she might be able to move on with her life. She knew that she had to get used to being alone in the world, since she had no siblings, aunts or uncles; only her maternal grandfather was still alive, but he didn't live in London. Perhaps, in a few weeks, she could plan a trip up to Scotland to see him.

As Eric reached Kinley, Jess directed him to her car. Thankfully the rain had stopped, which would make blowing up her tyres a lot easier.

'Thank you for the ride,' she said as she climbed out of the sidecar with a hop, just as the young man pulled off his helmet.

'You're welcome; anything for a pretty girl,' he said with a cheesy smile. 'I'm Eric, by the way, Eric Catchpole.'

'Nice to meet you Eric, I'm Jess,' she replied as they shook hands.

'Would you like a hand with that?' He asked as he inclined his head towards Jess's flat tyres.

Jess thought about it for a moment; she was more than capable of blowing up a few tyres herself, but if Eric helped, then she would be done a lot quicker and then she could get home.

'There's some right hooligans around here; deflating people's tyres, burglaries, muggings, you name it,' Eric said as he took the air pump from the back of the car. 'Only yesterday there was a mugging, on the steps outside of the courthouse no less. I tell you, I wouldn't like to be that fella when he's caught.'

'Oh, why is that then?' Jess said as she feigned innocence.

'Well the woman they mugged was Lord Felsham's wife and he not only owns half of Suffolk, but he's a JP here at the court.' Eric replied casually.

'Let's hope they catch the guy then. I hope Lady Felsham wasn't injured,' Jess replied.

'A bit shaken up I think, no serious harm done. From what I've heard the guy who mugged her got more than he bargained for. Apparently, this girl came out of nowhere, karate kicked him and he legged it,' Eric sounded impressed.

'Well, hopefully he won't come back for anymore in that case,' Jess joked with a nervous laugh, just as he completed blowing up the second tyre.

'There you go Jess; they shouldn't go down again now,' he replied as he stood up and dusted his hands, wiping some of the grimier dirt on his jeans.

'Thank you so much for your help Eric,' she replied as she quickly got in and said goodbye to the young man who had helped her and that, was that, or so everyone thought.

Over the next four weeks Jess threw herself into her artwork; she painted more than she ever had before and found that they were her best pieces. They were more expressive than she'd previously done and weren't her usual landscapes. Even her sculptures had more feeling in them. Lovejoy also threw himself into his antiques and Jane avoided everyone whilst she dealt with her feelings, but she was working more than she did normally and even took more work on when Alexander eventually returned home. Jess's name was never mentioned after she had left, as Jane found it too painful to acknowledge. She'd lost her precious daughter for good this time and she had no idea how to come to terms with that and Lovejoy wished that he knew how to help her.

That was until Lovejoy received a shock in the post, on another sunny morning. He was working in his workshop when the postman knocked at the door with a parcel and several letters, bills mainly, so nothing unusual there.

'I need you to sign for this Lovejoy,' the postman said as he annoyingly smacked his mouth together whilst chewing gum.

'That I will gladly accept, but the rest you can take away,' Lovejoy joked as he pointed to the parcel and then the bills.

'Ah sorry Lovejoy, no can do I'm afraid, you'll just have to pay 'em,' the postman laughed before saying his goodbyes and cycled off again.

Lovejoy slapped the letters down onto the counter and was going to ignore them completely, until he saw a handwritten envelope poking out. He recognised the handwriting, but couldn't quite place it at first. Instinct though told him to open it and he was glad that he had.

 _Dear Lovejoy_

 _How are you? I hope you are well, Jane too._

 _I'm sure this letter will come as a huge surprise to you, I was surprised when I realised that I wanted to write it, but I'm unsure how you will take what I have to say; I guess that's why I'm writing to you first._

 _See, I've spent the last month thinking about nothing else except Jane and I feel awful about how I left things. I think it's taken me until now to come to terms with it all, I hope that makes sense and that you understand._

 _You're probably going to tell me that I'm too late or it's a bad idea, but I've realised that Jane is the only family that I have left in this world and I don't want to cut her out of my life. She quite probably won't want me back after running away like that and I wouldn't blame her, but I've realised that I do want her in my life._

 _If you want to give me a ring then my number is at the top; if I don't hear from you then I'll know that you didn't think it a good idea, but if you do get in touch, I have a job for you too._

 _Love Jessica_

As he read the words he felt his own heart skip a few beats with excitement for Jane. He was so excited that he abandoned everything and ran to the house to get his keys.

'Lovejoy, where are you going to in such a hurry?' Eric asked with confusion as Lovejoy ran passed him.

'Out Eric. I'm leaving you in charge of the workshop; don't touch anything, don't break anything,' Lovejoy replied loudly as he jumped into Miriam and drove off at speed, with gravel and dust flying up.

His foot barely came up from the floor as he tore round the roads to Felsham Hall, the trees and shrubs passing in a blur. He wanted to reunite Jane with her daughter as quickly as he could, but he was in two minds what to say to Jane. In a way, he wanted to keep it a surprise, but he did also want to prepare her for what was to come; how though, he didn't know.

He sped his way up the Felsham driveway, totally missing the fact that Jane had watched him from her bedroom window, and ran inside.

'Janey? Janey?' He shouted as he made his way into the hall, only for Alexander to appear.

'I should have known that it'd be you Lovejoy,' he said impatiently.

'Alexander I thought you were flying out to Germany this week,' Lovejoy replied casually, a completely different tone to the one he had just had.

'My trip was delayed, unfortunately, but I'll be heading off in a couple of days,'

Lovejoy was about to reply, to pass polite conversation, when he heard a more welcome sound.

'Lovejoy, I thought it was you tearing up my driveway like a boy racer,' Jane said with a teasing smile.

Alexander rolled his eyes; he didn't have time for them today and their antics. He may not have been going to Germany, but he still had work to do.

'Darling I'll see you later,' he said as he placed a kiss to Jane's lips, mainly for Lovejoy's benefit, to remind him who it was that Jane was married to. 'I have a meeting with the board of directors tonight, so I won't be home for dinner.'

'Alright darling,' Jane replied as she waved him off, but there was a hint of atmosphere between them, a distinct dissatisfaction in her tone. 'So what is it that you need me for this time?' She asked with a little irritation.

'Well I want you to come to London with me,' he said with a smile, his playful tone returning.

'London?! But what on earth for?!'

'I can't tell you, it's a surprise, but you'll like it when you get there.'

'I don't know Lovejoy; I haven't really got time to go gallivanting with you. I've still got to finish the designs for the Gilbert account and I've got to source some materials for Merick; can't we do it some other time?'

'No Janey we can't, but trust me when I tell you that you will be really glad that you abandoned your work for this.'

There was something in Lovejoy's tone that made Jane willing to abandon everything; it wasn't his usual playful tone or mischievous twinkle, it was said with complete seriousness and sincerity. So, she had gone upstairs to grab her bag and her coat and soon found herself in her range rover, being driven to London, with only faith in her friend for confidence.

'So where are we going exactly?' She asked him after a while.

'You'll have to wait and see,' he said coyly.

He had Jessica's address memorised, quite a talent that Lovejoy had, and roughly knew the area in which she lived. There was an antique shop near her address and the occasional auction that he frequented, so he didn't have to tell Jane anything until they were on the street, outside Jessica's place.

'Lovejoy I really wish you would tell me where it is that we are going or at least why all the cloak and dagger,' Jane said as they drove into the outskirts of Tottenham.

'I'll tell you soon Janey, I promise you,' he replied.

Within another half hour they were on the correct street for Jessica's address, he just had to find the right house number. It seemed like a really nice area, with several rows of terracotta coloured houses and tiny front gardens, but with a vast playing field at the back. Some of the houses had drives beside them and, as Lovejoy rounded the corner, both he and Jane saw the unmissable Morris Minor Traveller.

'Lovejoy why on earth have you brought me here?!' Jane exclaimed with a panicked tone and feeling slightly angry.

He turned off the ignition and turned to his friend, who had tears running down her cheeks already and he spoke to her softly.

'Janey, I received this letter this morning, I want you to read it.' He handed the letter to her, which she accepted shakily and soon her tears of sadness changed to choked sobs of delight.

'Lovejoy, is this letter real? Does she really want me?' She coughed.

Lovejoy pulled Jane close to him and placed a loving kiss to her cheek, 'only if that's what you want Jane. Perhaps I should have consulted you first before bringing you,' he whispered.

'No Lovejoy, I'm so glad that you brought me here,' she replied as she stared at Jessica's house over his shoulder. 'Look, there she is!'

Sure enough, Jessica had come outside with a very large box in her arms, which she proceeded to load into her car with some difficulty.

'Shall we go and say hi then?' He asked as he grabbed at the door handle, about to open the door when Jane pulled him back.

'Wait a minute Lovejoy; I need to prepare myself. What if she changes her mind and decides that she doesn't want me after all?' Jane asked with fear.

'I don't think she'll do that Janey, she wouldn't build your hopes up like that, not again. I think she's given this a lot of thought and she wouldn't have contacted you if she didn't want you to play a part in her life. However, she may only want to be friends Jane, that is something that may never change, she may never want you as her mother,' Lovejoy explained caringly as he clasped her hand. 'I'm not trying to upset you Janey...'

'I'm know you're not Lovejoy and I am so very grateful to you for everything that you have done for me. I appreciate that she may never see me as her mother, but I will take anything that I can get just to be with her,' Jane replied softly as he ran his fingers tenderly across her cheek.

As Jessica disappeared back into her house and reappeared with another box, Lovejoy opened the door and got out, closely followed by Jane. They approached the back of Jessica's car, just as she was battling with another box and the car door.

'Do you need a hand with that?' Lovejoy asked cheekily just as she got the box inside and stood up.

'Lovejoy!' Jessica exclaimed as she instantly threw her arms around his neck in a warm embrace, which he reciprocated.

As Jessica then released him, Jane, who had been hanging back slightly, soon stepped forward.

'Do I get one of those too?' She asked shyly, still a little uncertain of the reception she would get.

Jess brimmed with a happy and delighted smile as she said, 'of course you can Lady Jane!' And even though her words were formal, the hug Jane got certainly wasn't.

Jessica threw her arms around Jane and hugged her tightly, relieved and delighted to see her. There was nothing false or forced in the way that she hugged her, but it was a hug filled with so much emotion and that said so much.

'I am so very sorry for leaving you like that,' Jess whispered tearfully.

'I know Jessica; I'm sorry that you felt the need to, well, I'm sorry for everything really,' Jane replied so that only Jessica could hear.

After several minutes, they did release each other, but still clung on tightly to each other's hands. They were so delighted and happy to see each other, but there was a slightly awkward atmosphere between them, with neither quite knowing what to say to the other.

'What are you both doing here?' Jessica asked with genuine delight after a few moments.

'Well I got your letter this morning and as soon as I read it I grabbed Janey and came straight here.' Lovejoy explained.

'Oh well then, you'd better come in,' Jess said.

She led them into the back of the house through a very narrow hallway, which opened into a large open plan kitchen and dining area. Her French windows were thrown wide open into the summer breeze to reveal a small, well kept, private garden, in which a small border terrier was playing. There was also a rabbit's hutch at the bottom, with a large white and black rabbit staring out at them. Inside, the house was a lot less tidy, with boxes and newspaper everywhere and furniture in a state of disarray.

'I'm so sorry about the mess,' Jess apologised as she moved some of the empty boxes from the table and chairs.

'You're not moving are you?' Jane asked as she took a seat.

'No, I'm not going anywhere; well I hope not. I just finally decided that it was time that I cleared mum's things; not all of them of course, just the things that I don't need or want,' Jess explained as she then filled the kettle.

Jane looked around the room and saw a lovely Welsh dresser with several large plates on the shelves, but then she noticed the photographs in the silver frames and on the walls all around her. They were all of Jessica. There were some that Jane recognised, her baby girl; she must have only been a few months old, smiling and giggling away, in the garden, on her mum's knee, with her dad at Christmas. Then there were other pictures of her with her parents, taking her first steps, playing in a swing with a mucky foot; there was one photograph, with a flower entwined into the frame, of Jess aged about five with her dad holding her up proudly.

Jane could tell by his stance that he was a soldier, with his straight back and square shoulders, but he looked at Jess with such adoration, that it broke Jane's heart when she realised that it must have been his last photograph with his daughter before he died.

Jess saw Jane looking at the photographs and picked one up of her and her mum. Jess was fifteen in the photograph, standing behind her mum, who sat in a deck chair, out in the garden, with her arms wrapped around her neck. Her mum had been very pretty, quite a bit older than Jane, more similar in age to Alexander, but she still looked stunning.

'That was mum, just before we got her diagnoses. To be honest, it was the last photograph we ever took of her, she didn't like having it taken when she was ill,' Jess explained as she handed Jane the picture. 'She used to hate her curly hair and complain that it never sat right; but I used to love it. I was ever so jealous because mine has always been poker straight,' she added with a smile.

Jessica then continued to make them all a cup of tea, as Jane continued to look at pictures of Jessica, her baby girl. She smiled at each one, spotting the one taken on her first morning of school and then she picked up another one that made her laugh.

'That was dad trying to teach me to ride my bike without stabilisers, must have been about a year before he died I think,' Jess said as she spotted the picture in her hand, which showed little Jessica aged five, sat on a red bike with her dad wheeling her around the playing field. 'I remember that I had real problems keeping my balance, I just couldn't get to grips with it; dad was getting impatient with me, but I was determined to get it. Anyway, one day he took me up the top of the park and shoved me as hard as he could, but I ended up steering myself down the hill and into the bushes at the bottom. I was scratched to buggery and Mum was furious with him, but I didn't mind because I never lost my balance again.' She explained with great fondness and with a gentle laugh as she handed Jane a steaming, hot mug of tea. 'I apologise that I only have mugs.'

'That's quite alright Jessica, I am perfectly capable of drinking from a mug you know,' Jane replied with a laugh, which eased the tension slightly. She didn't want Jess to feel awkward about the way that she was raised, in comparison to where she was born.

'You can call me Jess, everyone else does. Mum only ever used to call me Jessica if I was in trouble,' Jess replied with a laugh, but she became a little teary, as she joined Lovejoy, who sat silently listening to them, and Jane at the table. 'I'm sorry, Lady Jane, it seems awfully unfair to you, to keep going on about my parents,' she apologised as she tried to force herself not to get upset.

'But I do want to hear about them Jess, on the condition that you start calling me Jane,' Jane replied softly as she took a hold of Jess's hand across the table, trying to comfort her, the best that she could.

'Yes I'm sorry about that; I've probably not been as friendly as I should have been towards you,' Jess said apologetically as she looked down into her mug, ashamed of her own actions.

'I'm going to…pretend that I've got something better to do,' Lovejoy said awkwardly, which made Jess and Jane laugh.

'Actually Lovejoy, I was wondering if you wouldn't mind having a look at a few things in the house, see if there's anything that's worth some money; feel free to have a look around,' Jess said with a smile as Lovejoy then disappeared and she turned her attentions back to Jane.

There was an awkward silence between them, neither knowing what to say to the other, yet wanting to say so much. Jane didn't want to rush her relationship with Jessica, but she had held back so much for so long, that she feared that it would all just come gushing out at once if she spoke.

'So how have you been, since we last met, in all honesty?' Jane asked slowly.

'Alright, thanks; it was strange coming back here without mum, I'm still not used to it and it's taken me until now to pluck up the courage to start going through her belongings, although there are some days when I can't face it,' Jess replied quietly.

'Don't be too hard on yourself Jess; it takes time to get over the loss of a parent,' Jane explained as she clasped Jess's hand.

'Are both your parents still alive?'

'My father died a couple of years ago, but my mother is still alive,' Jane said as she took a sip of tea.

'It's strange, to think that she's my grandmother,' Jess said, being the first one to make comment to their situation and Jane wasn't certain how she should reply.

'Yes, I suppose she is,' she smiled awkwardly. 'What about your mum and dad's parents, are they still alive?'

'My mum's dad is still alive, although I don't get to see him too often. He lives in Scotland these days, although he tried to come down as much as possible when she was ill. Both my grannies and my other granddad died a long time ago. He died before I was born and my granny died shortly after Mum got her diagnoses five years ago,' Jess explained as she started to open up more.

'Is that you with your grandmother?' Jane said as she picked up one of the photographs. 'You were an adorable child.'

'It is indeed; that's Mum's mum, Rosie. I think that was my fourth birthday party, if I remember correctly. I had been upset because Dad couldn't make it home in time; I think he'd been posted to Ireland, but Granny came, gave me a massive cuddle and told me that Dad wouldn't be happy that he missed my birthday either.'

'You look like you were a very close family,' Jane said as she fought her tears. In a way, it was lovely to see how loved her baby had been, that her wish for a good family for her child had been granted, but she also felt saddened that it hadn't been her.

'We were, exceptionally close. I have so few memories of my dad though, I wish I had more; but Mum used to tell me stories about him coming home to us when I was very small. He used to dump all of his bags in the hallway and come looking for me, even before saying hello to his wife. The first she would be aware of his arrival would be hearing me laughing,' Jess said with a heart breaking, saddened smile.

'I am, really, so very glad that you were close to your parents Jess; that's all I ever wanted for you, but I'm so sorry that you had to experience their loss so young.'

'Thank you; I appreciate that it must be very hard for you to hear about them, but I want you to know, they gave me a really good life and I was so very happy.' Jess began to sob, unable to repress her tears anymore and Jane found herself holding her in her arms, without even thinking about it.

She softly stroked Jess's long hair and kissed the top of her head, as Jess shook and clung to Jane tightly. Jane soon found herself sobbing too, for all sorts of reasons; before long, neither of them were sure why it was that they were crying.

'I'm so sorry Jane for running away from you and I'm so sorry that I caused you pain,' Jess sobbed out of the blue and took Jane by surprise.

'It's alright Jess; we're here now, that's the main thing,' she soothed and she squeezed her daughter just that little bit tighter.

'I meant what I said earlier, I do want you in my life; but I'm not ready to replace my mum,' Jess choked and was clearly quite distressed, as she sat back a little from Jane, but tightly clasped her hands.

'Sweetheart, I don't want to replace your mum; but I really would love it if we could be friends. I want so much to be a part of your life, but I understand that you have a family and I don't want to take that away from you,' Jane whispered tearfully. Really, she would have liked nothing more than to be Jessica's mother again, but she realised that the likelihood of that happening, wasn't very high.

'Do you really want to be a part of my life? I was afraid that you would be too worried about what Alexander would think, or that I had hurt you too much the last time that we had met.'

'Alexander doesn't need to know anything; I doubt that his stance on the situation has changed in twenty years, so I'm afraid that he might never want to be part of your life, but I do,' Jane explained softly and she finally felt that there was some sort of connection between her and her daughter as they smiled at each other.

Jess was just about to reply when, all of a sudden, Jane let out a small scream as the, now rather muddy, border terrier jumped on her knee, wagging his tail and panting excitedly.

'Toby get down!' Jess commanded authoritively, but the mischievous dog just cocked his head at her and then looked at Jane, who started to laugh and stroked his head. 'I'm sorry Jane, he's normally not quite as friendly as that to strangers,' she added awkwardly.

'Oh he's a dear little thing; I have two dogs of my own at home. A cocker spaniel, Ruthie, and a black Labrador named Monty.'

'I love dogs, well, all animals actually; I did consider becoming a vet if I wasn't an artist, but I would have been permanently in tears,' Jess said with a small laugh as she wiped her reddened face.

There was silence between them for a few moments, as Jane concentrated on the happy little dog on her lap, until Jess broke the silence. She seemed to stutter slightly, as she struggled to find the words to say.

'Jane, I'm really glad that you want me to be part of your life; I really want to get to know you, properly, but I'm not sure that we can do that being so far away from each other,' she said as she broached the subject.

'That had crossed my mind as well actually,' Jane replied as Toby jumped from her knee and she dusted herself off.

'Well, I had a suggestion, but I'm not sure what you would think about it.'

'Go on,'

'I thought I might come and stay in Kinley for a little while,' Jess said quietly, without looking Jane in the eye, fearing her suggestion might be taken badly.

'Would you really like to come and stay?' Jane exclaimed with excitement.

'I'd love to, for lots of reasons; I really enjoyed the countryside when I was there, which would be great for my art and I'd be much closer to you, so we could spend time together and Toby would love the wide open spaces. I think he's rather bored of the field,' Jess laughed.

'I think it would be lovely to have you, but I insist that you come and stay at Felsham Hall. Hotels around there can be really expensive.'

'But what will you say to Alexander?'

'Well he's away most of the time, so we wouldn't really need to worry about that; but when he is home, how would you feel about staying with Lovejoy? He has a spare room.'

'Won't he mind?'

'Certainly not! Not if he knows what's good for him anyway; I am his landlady after all,' Jane teased with a smile.

'Do you really mean it? And Toby too?'

'Toby would be more than welcome as well.'

'Do you hear that boy? We're going on an adventure,' Jess said as she playfully ruffled Toby's hair.

'What about your rabbit?' Jane asked as she spotted the bunny still staring out at them.

'That's Ellie, she's a mischievous little monkey too, but she can go to my friend Allison's for a while, they love each other, so Ellie will be well looked after,' Jess replied, just as they heard Lovejoy walking down the stairs, but so did Toby, who ran full pelt out of the kitchen. Jane and Jess heard the dog bark loudly and growl and then they heard Lovejoy's shouts.

'Ah, get off me you stupid animal!' He shouted, which made them both laugh loudly.


	6. Chapter 6

Late that evening, Lovejoy drove Jane home, who felt emotionally exhausted but exceptionally happy. He was delighted by the development between his friend and her daughter; he'd even managed to make a few purchases from Jess, which made him extra happy. There was a sleepy silence between them, as he drove down the dark lanes back towards Felsham Hall. He could see that Jane was in a happy daze as she stared out if the window, with a hint of a smile playing on her lips.

'I'm really glad that she wants to be a part of your life Janey,' he said after a while. 'She seems like a really great kid.'

'She really is; I know that she was worried about how I would react after our last meeting, but I don't hold her any ill feeling for what happened; I just count myself lucky that she's made the decision to be with me, regardless of what capacity that is in.'

'It must have been hard for you though, to hear her talking about her parents like that and to see her with them,' he added, broaching the subject carefully, always wanting to protect her in any way that he could. He had so many concerns about the fragility of the situation, but he hoped that he was wrong about every one of them and that he was just being over protective.

'In a way it was, but, perhaps, not in the way you would expect. It was lovely to see how much her parents loved her; I think it is very safe to say that they absolutely adored her and I know that she had a very good childhood with her mother.'

'So what part was it that pained you?'

'Their tragedies; as she said herself, it is ironic that I wanted her to be raised with a father who loved her, but she ended up growing up without one anyway and then she was only fifteen when her mother was diagnosed with cancer. I really wish things could have been different for them, that's all,' Jane replied with sadness.

'Don't blame yourself Janey, you weren't to know,' he replied as he stifled a yawn.

'Who said anything about blame?!' She objected.

'Because I know you Janey, I can hear it in your voice; you feel guilty.'

'Alright, perhaps I do feel guilty, but at the same time, I stand by my reasoning. Alexander didn't want to be a father, so I couldn't give her what she deserved; had she stayed with me she would have been shipped off to a boarding school somewhere, with no family or a mother to hold her and tell her she loved her. At least she grew up with the love of a mother and knowing that her father loved her, because Alexander certainly wouldn't have done,' she said angrily, her voice raised and very bitter.

'Speaking of Alexander, what are you going to tell him about all this?' Lovejoy replied his tone a little angry too. He wasn't angry at her though, just the way that she always found an excuse with which to defend her husband and she couldn't seem to see the manipulation and mind games that he had played with her.

'Nothing, absolutely nothing,' Jane explained tersely, her eyes narrowing with a look of warning. 'If he, or anyone else, asks, they will be told that Jess is your niece and that she has come to live with you. When Alexander is at home, that's where she is going to stay, with you and when he is away again, she's to move back into Felsham Hall with me.'

Lovejoy stayed quiet for a few moments; he hadn't meant to upset Jane, he just really hated that all of this hurt and turmoil was caused by one man, who wasn't worthy of having such a beautiful, loving, kind wife like Jane. He didn't cherish her the way Lovejoy felt that she should be and now Alexander had a lovely daughter, who was just like her mother and he never wanted anything to do with her. It all just seemed so very unfair.

'I'm sorry Janey, I didn't mean to hurt you; I just worry about you and about Jess too. You both deserve so much more than this,' he said as he took hold of her hand, before turning the car into his driveway.

Jane sighed deeply, 'I'm sorry too Lovejoy; I don't mean to be so defensive and snappy with you, you really have been such a great help to Jess and me. I don't know what's wrong with me.'

'Well, it has been a strange couple of months for you Janey, don't be too hard on yourself.'

They sat in silence for a few seconds as they looked at each other's silhouettes in the darkness; Jane's eyes watered slightly with exhaustion, happiness and sadness. Her emotions were all over the place lately, so no wonder she was ill tempered, but as she sat and looked into Lovejoy's eyes, perhaps she was about to let her emotions get the better of her.

She could feel herself drawing closer to him and he too was struggling to fight his feelings for her, but, all of a sudden, just as she expected to feel his lips against hers, she felt nothing. Her eyes fluttered slowly open and she saw his face just millimetres from hers.

'What is it Lovejoy?' She whispered.

'This isn't a good idea Jane; I won't take advantage of you when you are vulnerable like this. Besides, you're married, remember, and I suspect pissed off at Alex. I don't want to be someone's marital pawn to get back at their husband,' he replied reluctantly.

The spell between them was broken, but Jane didn't reply to him. She came to her senses and shook her head, as she got out of the car, followed by Lovejoy. The gravel crunched under their feet in the darkness until they came face to face on the driver's side of the range rover. Neither of them could see much in the darkness, but Jane didn't need to.

As they stood in silence, Lovejoy felt shocked and bemused to feel Jane's lips against his, albeit, in a very brief, chaste kiss, before she stood back ever so slightly and whispered, 'I would never use you to get back at Alexander Lovejoy, I couldn't do something like that, not to you.'

He watched in awe as Jane then got into her car and swiftly drove away, feeling quite perplexed as to what had just transpired between them. That kiss; it had only been brief, but he could have sworn that it had meant so much more than just an act of kindness. He knew that he longed to hold her in his arms and tell her that he loved her; he'd fallen head over heels for her on their first meeting, which he remembered with such fondness, but she would never be his and that was something that pained him greatly.

During the course of his career, he had worked with all sorts of people, but most were toffs and aristos, loaded with money and family heirlooms that held very little personal value or appreciation; all they ever saw was the monetary value. He had expected Lady Jane Felsham to be of similar ilk, especially when she had opened the door to him, dressed in that long purple number with the frills, but his heart soon melted for her, when he realised that she was nothing of the sort.

Her voice may have indicated her type of upbringing, with her crisp pronunciation and high-pitched tone, but it didn't truly convey the wonderful, down to earth person that she was. He had gotten to know her so well over the decade that he'd known her, although she always managed to spring surprises on him, like the fact that she had a daughter.

Even though he'd known for about a month about Jess, he sometimes still couldn't believe that it was true. Given half the chance, he knew that Jane would make a fantastic mother and he hated Alexander even more for robbing her of that. He just hoped now, that Jane and Jess would be able to bond well and make up for lost time.

He walked into his house and looked around at the mess surrounding him, _I'm going to have a lot of tidying to do before Jess arrives_ , he thought with a small smile. If he was honest, he was very much looking forward to having Jane's daughter staying with him.

When Jane finally got home everything was in darkness, but the place was locked up like Fort Knox. She let herself in with her key and quickly re-armed the alarm system, before making her way up the stairs. It was pitch black in the house and she didn't want to switch any of the lights on, so she quietly shuffled her way up the staircase, gripping tightly onto the handrail.

She expected Alexander to have been asleep for hours by the time she finally got to their bedroom, but she was quite wrong. He was in bed, but far from asleep. He was sat up, with the lamp on, pretending to be reading the financial times, which he looked up from as soon as their bedroom door opened.

'Where the hell have you been Jane?! I've been worried sick about you!' He said with a slightly raised and very annoyed voice.

'I'm sorry darling; I didn't mean to worry you…'

'Well you could have fooled me Jane. You swan off somewhere with Lovejoy, not telling anyone where you were going or how long you were going to be or anything. It's nearly midnight and I didn't even get so much as a phone call!'

Jane hadn't expected to be met by such a barrage of anger on her return; so now, her sleepy mind was alert and her hackles were up. She knew that it wasn't the fact that she'd been out all day that was bothering him so much, it was the fact that it had been Lovejoy that she had been with.

'I'm sorry that you feel that way Alexander, but I was busy. Lovejoy's niece in London has just lost her mother to cancer. The poor dear has no one left in the world to help her except Lovejoy, as her father died when she was very little. Lovejoy needed my help as he didn't have a clue what to say or do to help her, so I said I would do what I could!' She snapped back irritably.

'Well I'm sorry for the girl's loss, that must be terribly hard on her,' Alexander replied with a slightly softer tone, 'but that does not mean that Lovejoy should be dragging you into his family dilemmas.'

'What was I supposed to do Alex? Tell him to deal with the poor girl himself? It's hard enough to lose your parents when you are our age, but it is something quite different to lose them when you're barely an adult yourself,' she said as she undressed with exaggerated movements, as she threw her clothes into a heap on the floor, which was very unlike her.

'Is she very young?' Alexander asked after a few moments of awkward silence, his tone much softer than it had been before.

'Young enough; I'd say she's in her late teens, early twenties perhaps,' she replied vaguely as she climbed into bed beside him and he sighed deeply.

'Jane, I don't mean to sound harsh or unfeeling, I just don't want you to be getting involved in something that isn't our business and I don't want Lovejoy or his niece to take advantage of you, that's all.'

Jane didn't say anything further to him, but turned off her lamp and turned her back on him, leaving him in no doubt that she wasn't impressed by him or his actions. He thought about kissing her goodnight on the cheek, but thought better of it and she certainly said nothing more to him after that.

They didn't speak of the incident further the next day, although the atmosphere between them was very icy; she barely spoke to him at breakfast, but he did at least get a kiss goodbye from her before he left for work. When the mood struck her, Jane could really hold a grudge.

The fantastic mood she had been in about Jess had been rather tarnished by Alexander's words, but each time she thought about having only one more week to wait to be reunited with her daughter, it lifted up her spirits and put that familiar spring back into her step. Alexander did try to make his peace with her that evening though, which did slightly improve Jane's feelings.

Jane stood in the kitchen preparing dinner for them, just a very simple meal, when she felt Alexander's arm wrap around her shoulders and a bouquet of her favourite flowers in his other hand, which she took from him with an apologetic smile. He always knew how to win her round.

'Thank you Alex, they're beautiful,' she said, as she smelt the red roses amongst the lilies.

'I'm sorry about last night,' he kissed her cheek, 'I was tired and irritated, but I shouldn't have taken it out on you.'

'I'm sorry too darling; I should have phoned you and told you where I was. I didn't mean to worry you,' Jane replied as she turned round to face him and he wrapped his arms tighter around her, once she had placed the flowers on the side. She cupped his face lovingly and kissed him sweetly, melting into him.

By the end of the week, she was speaking to Alexander normally again, their quarrel quite forgotten, along with her anger and the reason she had been mad with him in the first place. Her anger was replaced with something much nicer; she now felt excited as she prepared for Alexander's departure and Jess's arrival.

He was going to be away for almost a whole month, which meant that Jess would be with her for almost a whole month; a whole month with her daughter, with no interruptions or secrets, just plenty of time for them to spend some quality mother and daughter time together. However, her happiness was always slightly marred. She had to keep reminding herself that she needed to take things slowly, for both of their sakes; this was as much about helping Jess in her grief as it was about building their relationship and friendship. However, sometimes, her excitement would get the better of her, as she planned all of the lovely things that they would do together.

On the morning of Jess's arrival, Alexander paced round the house and checked that he had everything that he needed, whilst Jane was just putting on the finishing touches to her makeup. Just as she was concentrating on her eyeliner, the phone began to ring, which she answered with a happy, cheery greeting, which grew when she heard Jess on the other end.

'Morning Jane,' Jess said brightly, with the same cheery voice. She had to admit that, much to her surprise, she was just as excited as Jane was about their time together. 'I just thought I'd give you a quick ring before I set off, make sure that you're still alright with me coming to stay.'

'Yes of course, I've got everything organised. I'm taking Alexander to the airport and then I should be home around three o'clock.'

'Great! Well Toby and I should be there roughly half one, two o'clock, depending on the traffic, that's if it's still alright for Toby to come too?'

'Of course it is; he's a sweet little thing and more than welcome,' Jane replied with a smile. She loved how much Jess adored her pet. 'Take care on those roads Jess and take your time, there's no rush for you to get here,' she added with a caring, motherly tone.

'I promise I'll take it easy Jane,' Jess replied with a playful roll of her eyes, but she was a little pleased to hear Jane's caring tone.

They both then said their goodbyes and hung up. Jane gave a little excited squeak as she thought about how delighted Jess sounded and felt relieved that this really was what she wanted. Even though it had been Jess's idea in the first place, Jane still feared that she would change her mind.

'Who was that on the phone darling?' Alexander asked as he came into the bedroom.

'Lovejoy,' she replied simply.

Alexander's face fell into a frown as he moved to grab his suitcase from behind the door, as he said, 'I suppose he was after more money? He usually is.'

'Alexander that's terribly unfair! He rarely asks for money, it's me who offers him and I always get it back,' she replied irritably. She didn't want to fight him, but this was an argument that they had often.

'So what did he want then?' Alexander asked with exasperation; he never did understand his wife's friendship with Lovejoy, nor did he really try to.

'His niece, the one who recently lost her mother, is coming to stay with him and he just wanted some advice. He just wondered if I would talk to her and try to get her to open up,' she said with a much calmer tone.

'Alright Jane, I'm sorry for jumping to conclusions; but just make sure that Lovejoy or his niece don't take advantage of you,' he replied as he then picked up his bag and began to make his way outside, not noticing the glare he got from Jane.

Once she and Alexander were ready, they got into her car and began the hour and a half drive to Luton, just as Jess was setting off from Tottenham. She knew that she would arrive long before Jane got back, but she wanted the opportunity to get her bearings and she wanted to call in on Lovejoy as well.

It was such a lovely day as Jess drove down all of the small country roads, with her windows down and Toby with his head hanging out, panting with happy excitement. However, her happiness was slightly tainted. Although she was quite excited about spending time with Jane and learning more about where she came from, she also felt great guilt and sadness.

'I hope you don't mind me doing this Mum, I hope it won't hurt you; I would never do anything to hurt you, but I need to do this. Jane seems like a really nice person, I really want to get to know her properly and Lovejoy too, but you will always be my mum, no matter what,' she whispered as several tears rolled down her cheeks, before her grief became all too much for her and she had to pull over into the entrance to a field. Toby cocked his head at her and watched her with worried confusion, as she sobbed uncontrollably. He didn't like it when she cried and he began to whine and pace on the seat, before making his way onto Jess's knee. 'It's alright boy; I'm just being silly,' she said softly as she hugged him tightly and kissed his head.

She didn't drive off straight away, but sat silently as she looked out of the window into the field of wheat. It was peaceful here and she liked that. She worried that she would miss the busy, noisy, polluted streets of Tottenham, but she really was glad to be back in Suffolk. She wasn't too sure how long she sat and stared before she realised that a rabbit was sat staring back at her in the hedgerow. Toby obviously hadn't spotted it at first either, but when he did he literally started to salivate and made little barking sounds. He tried to tug himself from Jess's arms, but she kept a firm hold of him.

'Oh no mister, no chasing the rabbits today; we've got some people to go and visit,' she said as she turned her ignition back on, wiped her eyes with the back of her hand and moved swiftly off before Toby got any more ideas.

It wasn't too much longer before she finally found the road to Lovejoy's house, after taking several wrong turnings. Toby seemed very delighted to get out and stretch his legs when she eventually opened the door. He immediately jumped out and went sniffing around in the shrubbery, whilst Jess knocked on the front door, but she received no answer. She opened it and peered in, but the house looked quite empty.

'Lovejoy? Lovejoy are you here?' She shouted, but there was no reply. She was about to go in search of him when she heard an almighty yelp and Toby barking.

'Gerroff me you stupid mutt!' Eric yelled as he came hopping out of the barn, which had the sign "Lovejoy Antiques" hanging above the door.

'Toby, that's enough; come here boy!' Jess said sternly as she ordered her dog to her side, who obediently did as he was told. 'Sorry about that, he can be a bit over protective sometimes.'

'That's alright,' Eric replied as he looked at Jess with vague recollection.

'Eric who's there?' Lovejoy's disembodied voice shouted from somewhere inside the vast barn.

'Um…er…it's…'

'Will you spit it out Eric,' Lovejoy said irritably as he came to the barn door and whacked Eric on the back of the head, before his tone changed completely. 'Jess!' He exclaimed with delight.

'Hello Lovejoy,' she said with a beaming smile, as Lovejoy quickly brushed passed Eric and went to hug the young woman, who embraced him tightly, with genuine affection and delight.

'You're early; I wasn't expecting you for another few hours yet,' he said.

'Well I wanted to get here in plenty of time, so that I wasn't rushing,' Jess replied.

'Oh this, is Eric,' Lovejoy said as he turned round and pointed at Eric. 'Eric this is my niece Jess.'

'We've already met actually; Eric helped to blow up my tyres for me the last time I was here, after some vandal let the air out of them,' Jess explained with a small, knowing glare in Lovejoy's direction, who gave her a subtle shrug and a wink.

'Oh that's why I recognise you! Forgive me Jess, I don't usually forget a pretty face,' Eric flirted and received a death glare from Lovejoy.

'What's with all of this frivolity? It's far too early in the day for such things…oh hello!' Tinker said as he made an appearance and squinted against the bright sunlight, slightly hungover and possibly still a little drunk from the night before.

'Tinker, may I introduce my niece, Jess Carter,' Lovejoy said and watched as Tinker lifted Jess's hand to his lips.

'It's a pleasure my dear,' he said with a smile and he doffed his hat at her in greeting. 'You never told me that you had a niece Lovejoy.'

'Well it's complicated Tink; but she's coming to stay with me for a while,' Lovejoy explained as he led her into his workshop, closely followed by Tinker and then Eric.

'So what were you up to before Toby and I interrupted you?'

'We were talking about shifting some merchandise…'

'For the last time Eric; this is not stuff, stock or merchandise, these items are antiques and they do not get shifted!' Lovejoy interjected sharply, which made Jess giggle, it clearly wasn't the first time that they'd had this argument.

'Well whatever you want to call it, Lovejoy here is talking about restoring an item of furniture; restoring it to one hundred years before it was even made!' Eric said with a raised voice in Lovejoy's direction.

'Eric, Gimbert wouldn't know the difference; as long as he thinks he's getting a great deal or that he's fleecing me, then he's going to want to swap me the Grigori painting for this, which, I hasten to add, he cheated me out of in the first place.' Lovejoy was furious about that con. 'I swear; my life was easier whilst he was out of the country.'

'So who is Gimbert?' Jess asked with great intrigue. From what Jane had told her about Lovejoy, and the impression she got from him, he was a little bit of a rogue and liked to bend the rules, almost to breaking point.

'He's just a fowl git who thinks he knows lots about antiques, but he just sees the money and knows very little at all about the real value. He also really likes to do what he can to fleece, cheat, lie to me and generally make my life a living hell,' Lovejoy explained as he then took Jess by the shoulders and began to lead her outside again.

'Lovejoy, where are you going now?' Eric asked with frustration.

'Out to lunch with my niece Eric; you are going to get that finished,' Lovejoy replied as he pointed to the cabinet, whilst Jess quickly put Toby into the house and closed the door behind her. They then disappeared in Miriam, as Tinker and Eric looked on.

'Never takes us out to lunch,' Eric muttered under his breath, as he once again began sanding the cabinet and felt a hard whack to the back of his head from Tinker, who settled himself back into his chair by the phone, where he sat back and drifted off to sleep.

Elsewhere, Lovejoy and Jess were sweeping down the road, feeling the rush of wind through their hair and the warmth of the glorious sunshine beating down on them and the joy of each other's company.

'Jane won't be back for another couple of hours yet, but she should be home by the time we finish lunch. I will take you straight there once we've had something to eat, my treat,' Lovejoy explained.

'That's kind of you,' Jess replied with a smile. 'Is she really as excited as she sounded on the phone?'

'She's beside herself Jess; she's talked of nothing else with me all week. You really have made her very happy by wanting to build a friendship with her.'

'I'm glad; I've been really excited too. You don't mind me staying with you when her husband is back do you?'

'No, not at all Jess; it'll be nice to have female company for a change. My daughter, Vicky, she comes round occasionally, but not very often these days,' he explained.

'Oh, I didn't know you had a daughter.'

'She's a few years older than you are…er…let me think now, she's 72…so she must be…'

'Well you're wearing well then aren't you? For someone who would be in their nineties if they had a daughter of seventy-two,' Jess cut in cheekily, her north London lilt becoming that little more prominent as she stifled a giggle, as she glanced mischievously at Lovejoy.

'Cheeky madam; I meant that Vicky was born in 72, so she's twenty four this year,' he replied with a laugh.

'So what's he like? Jane's husband?' She asked after a short while of silence and Lovejoy noticed that her smile had slightly faded.

'Alexander? He's alright I suppose,' Lovejoy commented casually with a shrug of his shoulder.

'He sounds like a bit of a bastard to me,' Jess replied, which made Lovejoy laugh again, but he hoped that she might start opening up to him a little. 'Sorry, that probably sounds awful; I realise that he's your friend and…'

'He's not my friend, well, not exactly; it's Janey who is and always has been my friend,' he cut in.

'How did you meet her?'

'Oh we met about ten years ago; I had asked Eric to publish an advertisement in the local newspaper, requesting a bible box, if I remember correctly. I told him not to put my name to it and to choose one at random; he, of course, thought it would be a great idea to use Lady Felsham at Felsham Hall; I could have killed him. However, had I done that, I would never have met her,' he explained and it was very clear to Jess, from the way he spoke about her, that Lovejoy thought a great deal about Jane, perhaps more than he would care to admit.

Before she could quiz him further about his friendship with her natural mother, Lovejoy turned Miriam into the car park of the Six Bells, a quaint country pub and one of his usual haunts. He led her passed the people sat outside, with sunglasses on and pints of cider in their hands. Music was blasting from inside, filtering out through the windows, flung open in the heat of the summer, and mingled with the sound of busy chatter. It was very busy, but Jess didn't mind; she was really delighted to say that she felt quite at home.

'Come on, I'll find us a table near the back; the landlord usually keeps one reserved for us,' Lovejoy said as they sidled through the crowd.

'Regulars here are you?' Jess asked with a laugh.

They eventually found their table, tucked away in the far corner. He handed Jess a menu whilst he returned to the bar to order their drinks. Everything looked and sounded delicious, she couldn't remember the last time someone had treated her to a meal out. Her mum had been so ill for so long and money so tight, that they rarely went anywhere together in the latter years of her life; but the sudden recollection of her mum, forced Jess to shake her thoughts from her mind, otherwise she would have burst into tears again and she didn't want that, because she did feel genuinely happy to be there.

As Lovejoy joined her again, with a pint in one hand and a vodka and orange in the other, she hastily decided what she was going to have to eat, her demeanour returning to her usual bubbly bright self, with a large beguiling smile on her face. She felt so happy to be in his company, as she felt that she could better associate herself with him. He seemed wild and carefree, a risk taker, just like she was; whereas Jane, seemed more straight laced than that, much more the Lady that Jess wasn't.

'It seems strange,' she said as she took a sip of her drink, 'to think that my biological parents are from the aristocracy. I'm the least ladylike person you will ever meet; mum often complained about how much of a tomboy I was,' she giggled.

'I can imagine. I bet you were always up to no good, weren't you?'

'Of course, but never anything too serious, harmless mischief mainly,' she explained with a smile. 'I can vaguely recollect being a toddler and small child, dressed in the loveliest of dresses, cute little dolly shoes and my hair neatly pinned up, but I never did stay that way for long. I was a shocker for either stripping off and walking around in my vest and nappy, or getting absolutely filthy in a matter of seconds. Mum soon gave up trying to make me act the lady and just accepted me for the messy, unorganised and unkempt person that I am,' she laughed.

Lovejoy laughed with her and imagined what it would have been like if it had been Jane who has raised her like that and imagined how much mischief they would have gotten up to together, which made the smile on his face even bigger, which faltered slightly when he saw her frown.

'Do you think Jane is disappointed in me? I'm probably not her idea of an ideal daughter am I? I'm just a penniless artist, not exactly the prim and proper daughter she probably wanted or expected,' she said sadly and even though her pain was quite evident, Lovejoy smiled at the fact that she had referred to herself as daughter.

'Jane loves you just the way you are Jess and is so delighted with all that you have achieved and everything that you have overcome. Anyway, I think you get your artistic nature from her; she's quite the artist when she lets herself be. You should see some of the things that she does for her clients. I have seen her turn a ramshackle of a barn into a stunning house, full of taste, character and class with just an added hint of quirky. She's more proud of you then you will ever know Jess and I know that she's dying to know more about you. She doesn't want you to change for her, if anything, she wants to be the one who changes for you,' he explained and it really touched Jess. 'Come on, let's order something, or Jane will be back long before we've even had our first mouthful,' he smiled.

They chatted some more about Jess's work, her inspirations and what it was that made her want to pursue her desire and passion for art. She asked him about how he got into antiques and even, the very elusive question, what his first name really is, which, naturally, he dodged and was saved just in time by the arrival of their lunch.

'Can you tell me more about Alexander?' Jess asked after a while, as she spooned a little tomato sauce onto her plate.

'Well what is it that you want to know? Perhaps you would be better asking Jane; he is her husband after all,' Lovejoy replied as he tried his best to dodge the question.

'I know and that's why I'm asking you. I've heard from Jane that he didn't want children and it sounds to me like he manipulated her into giving me up; if that is the case then I don't understand why she is still with him. To be honest, I still don't understand how any woman can choose a man over their child, even if it's their own husband!' Jess explained with annoyance and obvious bitterness.

'If that's what you truly think, then why do you want her to be part of your life?' He asked, not with an unkind tone; it was said calmly and with genuine conviction.

'There's a few reasons Lovejoy; although part of me does still feel betrayed by her and does feel like she chose him over me, I did see the look in her eye when she was talking to me and when she showed me the photograph. I think she does love me and I think that she did want me and…I don't know, I can't really explain it, but that means something, well, to me it does. However, it's not only that; the only family I have left in the world is my granddad. He's a really great man, but he's not getting any younger, which means one day I will lose him too. I've now been offered an opportunity to get to know another family, another life that I may have had, if we had only taken another path and I do want to get to know that life. Does any of that make any sense to you?' She explained with watery eyes.

'She does love you and Jane really is a fantastic person when you get to know her. I know that it must be difficult to be going through this, so what you have said does make sense, but just give her a chance and you will get to know that she's a wonderful woman, with a very big heart.'

'Lovejoy, don't worry, I'm not about to take off into the night again, I wouldn't build Jane's hopes up like I have to do that to her now. I may do a lot of things in my life, but destroying people isn't one of them. However, you have to understand that this is all so very hard for me. I have so many questions and so few answers, and far too many feelings to deal with,' she explained as a couple of tears ran down her cheeks.

'I'm sorry Jess, I didn't mean to upset you,' he said softly as he passed a tissue to her.

'Thank you,' she said graciously as she wiped her eyes.

They sat in contemplated silence for a while until it was broken by Lovejoy, who had thought carefully about what he was about to say.

'He is a good man, I suppose, Alexander and I don't doubt that he does love Jane,'

'But?'

'He puts a lot of effort into his work; he is away a lot and I know Janey sometimes finds it difficult, but she puts a lot of effort into her business, well, our business and throws herself into life. Do you think you will ever want to meet him?' He asked as he finished his steak pie and chips.

'I don't know; I mean, wanting to meet Jane felt very different, I felt like it was something I had to do, rather than wanted to do…I mean I wanted to meet her…but…' Jess struggled to find the words to say, uncertain how to express herself. She took a few calming breaths before she continued and soon found it much easier to know what to say. 'As soon as I found out who Jane was and where she lived, I instantly felt drawn to her, like I just had to meet her, to get to know her.

'The first day I saw her, I'd gone into Kinley to ask around and see if I could find out a little more about her. I went into the post office to ask about her, post office clerks always no everything about anyone, so it seemed like a great idea. As I walked in I had to step aside to let a tall, slim, very pretty woman, with wavy, auburn coloured hair, pass me. She thanked me and said something about it being a lovely morning. I went inside and waited until the woman behind the counter called me. I asked about Lady Felsham and that was when the she told me that I had just missed Jane, it turns out she'd been the woman that had just passed me. I soon found her again as she disappeared into the chemist shop on the high street,' Jess explained as she recalled the day she first met her natural mother.

'That must have been quite a shock for you,' Lovejoy said.

'It was in a way; I don't know what I was expecting really, but I thought she looked absolutely stunning and a lot younger than I had anticipated, with style and grace I certainly didn't inherit,' Jess laughed. 'I am very much looking forward to getting to know her properly now, without skulking around the streets,' she added.

'Well, Jane has talked of nothing else all week, believe me. Actually, I think she has visited me more times in the last week than she ever has in the ten years that I have known her, and I think that it was just so she could talk about you,' Lovejoy explained and was delighted to see Jess smile with delight.

Lovejoy had their orders put on his tab and they left, giggling and smiling. All Jess wanted to do now was get to Felsham Hall. She was surprised at her own excitement and she willed Miriam on faster as they drove through Kinley and onto the familiar back road to Jane's.

As the car turned into the driveway, Jess's heart began to race when she saw the green range over parked outside. Jane was just as excited and had been watching for them out of the window and she felt her own heart skip several beats when she saw them speeding up the driveway. She rushed to the door, just as Miriam skidded to a halt and laughed as Jess leapt out of the car, without even opening the car door. She ran towards Jane with her arms outstretched and they embraced tightly with genuine delight and warmth.

Lovejoy waited a few moments to give them a chance to greet each other properly and could see, even from where he was standing, that Jane was on the verge of tears already. She looked up at him from over Jess's shoulder and mouthed the words "thank you" to him. He then opened Miriam's door and climbed back in, the sound of which made Jess turned round.

'Aren't you coming in Lovejoy?' She asked, as she wiped tears away from her own cheeks.

'No Jess, not this time; I think you and Jane should spend some proper time together. I'll come back later, with Toby and your suitcase,' he said as he began to back the car away. 'Betty can stay at mine, she'll be safe enough,' he added.

Jane looked at Jess with a perplexed look, as Miriam disappeared onto the main road and out of sight.

'Who on earth is Betty?' She asked, which made Jess laugh as they walked together into the house.


	7. Chapter 7

'I've given Mrs Cameron the afternoon off, so we're quite alone. I wasn't too sure if you would want to do anything today or if you just wanted to sit and talk,' Jane said a little awkwardly, as she and Jess sat together in the sitting room.

'Well, I thought we could, perhaps, go for a walk and that you might show me the house and gardens and things,' Jess replied, a little shyly. For all of their excitement that they had felt beforehand, now that they were alone together, neither knew exactly what to say or do.

'I think that would be lovely. Shall we go outside first? Whilst it is still a nice afternoon?' Jane asked as she got up from the sofa and walked towards the front door, where her wellies sat, covered in mud, which made Jess smile a bit. Maybe Jane wasn't quite the Lady that she had thought, just as Lovejoy had said.

Jane, kicked off her comfortable slip on shoes and put the wellies on, after putting on her thick wellie socks. Jess smiled at how down to earth Jane looked today, wearing jeans and a simple, light coloured jumper. Previously she had only seen Jane wearing her nicely tailored suits and designer shoes; but this change, which seemed to come quite naturally to Jane, was a welcome one and made Jess feel more comfortable about her own appearance, which was toned down a little from when she had last been in Felsham Hall, but still carried her quirky personality.

Today she wore a plain pair of denim dungarees, with a tie-dyed t-shirt on underneath and her long hair loose around her shoulders, with earrings in the shape of cats, wearing a berry and holding a paint pallet. This matched the necklace she was wearing, which also featured a berry wearing, pallet holding cat, surrounded by another paint pallet, an easel with a painting and a couple of paint brushes. Her individuality made Jane smile and she was delighted to see that other people's opinions didn't seem to matter to her.

'Would you like a pair? It's nice out today, but we have had some rain in the last couple of days, so it is rather muddy outside,' Jane said.

'If you have another pair, I wouldn't mind,' Jess beamed.

'What shoe size are you?'

'A six or a seven, depending on the shoe really,'

'Perfect; I'm a six too, so these should fit you without difficulty,' Jane said as she pulled open a closet door and found an older pair of purple boots that she rarely used. 'You can keep those,' she added.

'Thanks!' Jess replied and already, just like that, the awkwardness that had been between them was gone.

Outside the sun was just as hot as ever. Jane had on, what Lovejoy called, her signature red sunglasses, whilst Jess, naturally, wore a pair that was bright yellow. Jane's two dogs ran through the trees that sat at the back of Felsham hall and jumped in and out of the tall grass and foliage, whilst the two women sauntered behind them, chatting and gossiping, almost as if they'd done it all of their lives.

'Ruthie and Monty know this route better than anyone, we've walked it that often, I think we could walk it in our sleep,' Jane laughed.

'Toby's walk isn't quite as nice as this one; usually it's just a couple of times around the playing field at the back of our house and through the play park,' Jess replied.

'Have you always lived there?'

'Only since Dad died; before that we lived in the barracks, somewhere in Kent if I remember correctly,' Jess explained. 'I don't have too many memories of us living there though, one or two perhaps; like the Christmas party that they held for the children on Christmas Eve and the summer barbeques, we used to have a lovely time together really. Do you do anything like that here?'

'Oh well, there are the spring and summer fetes in the village and I often have an event at the house, although, I don't think I've ever had a barbeque; perhaps we could have one?' Jane asked enthusiastically and was delighted by the beaming smile she received from Jess.

'Oh can we? We could invite Lovejoy, Eric and Tinker,' Jess replied.

'I think that would be lovely; we could have it as a "welcome to Felsham" celebration for you, if you'd like,' Jane said with a smile that reciprocated Jess's.

'Would you really do that just for me?'

'Yes of course, it would be my absolute pleasure,' Jane smiled before her brow creased. 'Jess, I know that we will only ever be friends and that you were obviously very close to your parents and I am very glad of that, truly I am; but I am so happy to have you are here with me now, knowing that you want to be a part of my life, regardless of what capacity that is in. I really want to celebrate that with you and introduce you to a few of my friends,' she explained proudly. 'Wait a minute; did you mention Eric and Tinker? Have you already met them?'

'Yeah I met them earlier, when I went to Lovejoy's; actually, I had met Eric when I was here before. Lovejoy had let the air out of Betty's tyres so that I couldn't leave and Eric helped me to blow them up again,' Jess laughed.

'Well, I still think it would be lovely to have a barbeque, this weekend perhaps. Lovejoy can do it, he loves doing that sort of thing. What do you think?'

'I think it would be great. Could I invite Allison? She's dying to meet you and everyone else and I'd love for you to meet her too,' Jess explained.

'Yes of course you can Jess, I'd love to meet her,' Jane replied with a smile, which faltered slightly as she tried to form the words to her next question. 'Does Allison know who I am?' She asked tentatively.

'You mean, have I told her you're my biological mother?'

Jane nodded, 'yes; it's fine if you haven't told her, but I was just wondering how much she knows.'

'She knows; she was the first person I turned to when I discovered my papers and everything and she tried to talk me out of coming up the first time I came,' Jess explained.

'Have you known her long?'

'Almost all of my life. We met in our first year of school; she was being picked on by a couple of boys and I saw them pushing her around. I can't stand that sort of thing, so I went up to them, clobbered them with my lunch box, which smashed the front and broke the handle, and they ran off crying and Allison and I became lifelong friends,' Jess laughed as she recalled the first meeting with her best friend. 'I was so worried about what Mum would say when I got home, that Allison and I came up with this whole story as we walked round the playground, then, when Mum came to pick me up, I couldn't lie to her, burst into tears and told her the truth. I didn't get a telling off as such, but she wasn't exactly pleased about it. A couple of years ago she told me that she didn't know whether to feel proud or worried. I think my fiery temper used to infuriate her sometimes; she was never like that. She was always calm and it would take a lot to truly piss her off.' It was the first time, since her mum's death, that she felt able to share a memory that wasn't full of sadness afterwards.

'Well I can't wait to meet Allison,' Jane replied with a smile.

'So, tell me about Felsham Hall; did you always have a title before you came here?' Jess enquired, genuinely interested to learn about Jane's heritage, which was as much hers now.

'I had an honorary title before I married Alexander, but I have always belonged to the aristocracy. My parents held the title of Lord and Lady Derbyshire, although, when my father passed away a few years ago, the title passed to my cousin, Michael. That title isn't as old as Felsham though. The house and almost half of Suffolk have belonged to the Felsham family for almost four hundred years, but the current house isn't as old as that,' Jane explained.

'Oh, I see; I'm sorry about your dad, but your mum is still alive?'

'Yes, she's still alive; she now lives in Norfolk, closer to my sister, Prue. Neither of them know anything about you I'm afraid, I am sorry. Alexander insisted that no one else was to know...' Jane said quietly, before trailing off again and the awkward silence descended between them again, as they stopped in the middle of the trees and turned to face each other. Jane's eyes glistened as she thought about her actions and Jess's were burning with tears of anger once more.

'Jane, if I ask you something, will you give me an honest answer?'

'If I can, yes,'

'Why did you let Alexander manipulate you into giving me up? Why are you still with him, when you've made it so clear that you love and wanted me?' Jess asked tearfully.

Jane didn't reply straight away, but turned and began to walk towards her dogs as she tried to think of the answer she was going to give and Jess slowly followed beside her.

'He didn't manipulate me Jess; I just didn't take his feelings into consideration before I became pregnant. I never asked him about having children, I just assumed that he would want them and he assumed that I wouldn't. We wanted different things, but we wanted each other desperately and it wasn't fair for you to grow up without a mother and a father,' Jane said and it still annoyed Jess that Jane was defending Alexander, again, and still couldn't see that he had manipulated her.

Their silence grew more awkward as they walked a few steps further. There was so much Jess wanted to say, she wanted to let Jane know exactly how much she was still hurting by her actions, but, at the same time, she didn't want to hurt Jane. They continued to walk in silence, which began to become oppressive with every step they took.

'I'm sorry Jane, I didn't mean to offend you; I do want to build a friendship with you, but you have got to understand that I'm still getting my head around all this and there's still plenty that I'm trying to understand,' Jess explained with frustration.

Jane stopped again and allowed a few tears to run down her cheeks; she hadn't meant to sound so harsh and blushed with shame at her own words. She turned towards her daughter, 'you don't need to apologise Jess; I can't possibly imagine what you've been through in the last few months and I realise that it's partly been at my hands,' she replied apologetically.

They didn't say anything else for a long while, as they walked through the trees, until the path became wider and opened out onto the lawn of Felsham Hall. Jess though carefully about how she could move their conversation back onto comfortable territory as she then came face to face with Felsham Hall.

'It really is a beautiful house,' Jess said as she stared up at, what was effectively, her new home. 'I can't believe it's where I was born.'

'Well, I do hope that you can think of it as your home; you're welcome here for as long as you like,' Jane said and felt stunned to feel Jess thread her arm through hers.

'Thanks,' Jess beamed. 'It really is a lovely place; I can't wait to start painting. I'll take my camera for a walk later in the week, get some pictures I can paint from,' she explained before her face crumpled with disappointment.

'What is it?'

'I forgot that I haven't got a studio,' she replied.

'Oh don't worry about that; I'll clear one of the spare rooms and you can paint until your heart is content,' Jane said

'I couldn't ask you to do that; besides, I might get paint on your carpets or on the walls, knowing me probably both. I wouldn't want to ruin your home,' Jess grimaced.

'You can let me worry about that and believe me, this house has had far worse spilt on it, Jane laughed as she guided Jess through the beautifully landscaped garden.

'This garden is stunning; do you do any of it yourself?'

'I quite enjoy gardening, although it's far too big for me to do it all myself, so I have a small area over here,' Jane explained as she led Jess away from the house and towards a small greenhouse and planted area. It was full of bright flowers, lilies, orchids and roses.

'Jane it's beautiful!' Jess said with delight as she allowed the scent to fill her senses.

'Thank you, it's one way I like to escape,' Jane smiled, which faltered slightly as she sat on a bench hidden between some plants and Jess sat next to her. 'I don't pretend to know how you must feel Jess and can't imagine what it must be like, to lose both your parents so young and to discover you were adopted. I am truly sorry for the pain that I have caused you; but please believe me when I say that I do love you and I only ever wanted what was best for you. However, I really hope that you can talk to me, regardless of what your thoughts may be, I really want us to be able to talk to each other.'

Jess looked tearfully at Jane, as she tried to find the words to say to her. There was so much that she wanted to tell her, so much she wanted to convey, but the last thing that she wanted to do was hurt her.

'I do want us to be friends Jane and I do want to get to know you; the thing is, well some days I'm absolutely fine, then something happens and I think about Mum and then I get sad and then I think about you and...I don't know...there's still so much that I don't understand,' Jess explained calmly, but tearfully.

'I don't really know what to say,' Jane replied as she gently placed her arms around Jess's shoulders. Jess rested her head against Jane's chest and allowed herself to cry. The two women sobbed for a while, with each comforting the other; it seemed that they were crying for their own pain as well as each other's.

'Wow, this isn't exactly how I wanted our first day to go,' Jess said with a muffled voice into Jane's shoulder.

'I'm so sorry Jess, I didn't want to upset you; I do want you to feel that you can talk to me, about anything that's on your mind,' Jane said as she brushed a tendril of Jess's hair from her face. 'I need you to know that your happiness is more important to me than anything else, so if you're not happy, then I need to know.' Jess smiled weakly at her and brushed a few stray tears from her own face, before composing herself. She took a deep breath and allowed herself a few minutes to relax.

'Maybe we could start over?' She suggested as she held tightly onto Jane's hands.

'I tell you what, why don't we go inside and I'll make us a cup of tea and I'll let you order a take-away; how does that sound?' Jane said as she wiped away her own tears.

'Alright,' Jess replied with a broad smile as they then walked back towards the house.

Later that night, Jane sat on the floor in the sitting room with Jess, in front of the roaring fire, their foil trays placed on the coffee table and a bottle of wine between them. The atmosphere was relaxed as they chatted about each other, their earlier painful words quite forgotten.

'So what were you like at school?' Jane asked as she took a sip of her cabernet sauvignon.

'I did alright I suppose; I was better at the creative subjects rather than the academic ones, although I was good at history, science and English. They were three of my favourite subjects,' Jess explained in between mouthfuls of her takeaway. 'I bet you were really good at school.'

'I was very good at languages and loved history and English too, but I wasn't very good at sport. I did play hockey for the school team though and I was a prefect in my latter years, then head girl in my last year,' Jane said proudly.

'I left school as soon as I could, so I never made it to be a prefect.'

'Did you not want to do your O levels or A levels?'

'I might have done had Mum not fallen ill. She needed quite a bit of care and I knew I didn't have much longer with her; sometimes, certain things are more important than exam marks aren't they?'

'Absolutely; but I'm sure your mother was very proud of you, I know that I am,' Jane replied with a proud smile.

'Thanks,' Jess smiled at the thought of making Jane proud of her. 'I know Mum worried about me a lot before she died, about my career choice; but she knew art is my life and I was never happier than when painting. Much like your gardening, painting is my escape. It was one of the only things that made Mum's illness bearable sometimes.'

'I do understand some of your pain; my father had bowl cancer.'

'I'm sorry, but it's nice to know that I'm not on my own. 'Nother glass of wine?' Jess asked as she held up the already half empty bottle.

'Go on, why not?' Jane replied as she held out her glass.

By half past nine, the sky outside was now a murky, dark blue. Jane and Jess were now half way through their second bottle, when Lovejoy arrived with Toby and Jess's cases and received the surprise of his life.

He walked straight into the living room, where Toby ran in, delighted to find his owner, whom he greeted with a swift lick to the face and an excited bark. Lovejoy smiled as he heard Jess giggle with delight and then he saw the empty bottle and a half of red wine sat on Jane's coffee table, the empty cartons of Chinese takeaway and Jane sitting on the floor. Yep, there was no doubt about it, Jane was more relaxed now than she ever had been before and seemed to be embracing her relationship with Jess more than he had thought possible. It made him wonder if he was only now getting to see the real Jane.

'Hello Lovejoy, would you like a drink?' She asked, her words only ever so slightly slurred from the numbness of her tongue.

'Well you two seem to be having a good time with each other, so I wouldn't want to interrupt,' he said.

'Oh nonsense Lovejoy; since when have you ever passed on the opportunity for a fun time,' Jane replied and Jess giggled.

'You should join us before Jane has the chance to finish the rest of the bottle,' she laughed.

'Oh don't you worry about Janey; it isn't the first time she's finished off a whole bottle, is it dear?' He replied with a broad, mischievous grin.

'It's usually only because of your bad influence Lovejoy,' she replied with narrow eyes, which made Lovejoy and Jess laugh all the more.

The rest of their evening passed in a blur of laughter and storytelling, as they each shared tales of the other. Jess was beginning to feel a lot more relaxed and she was starting to see a side to Jane that she had not expected. Lovejoy was right about her not being the Lady everyone expected.

Eventually they all parted for bed, with Lovejoy passing out on the sofa and Jane and Jess retiring to their respective bedrooms. As she laid back against the large, squishy pillows, Jess thought about how different this large, spacious bedroom was in comparison to her room in Somerset Close. It had an en-suit bathroom and large four-poster bed, something she had always dreamed of having as a child, and massive built in wardrobes. _In the morning, I'll have a proper look round_ , she thought, as she then allowed herself to drift off to sleep.

Down the hall, Jane was laid in her bed and felt truly at peace for the first time in twenty years. It was the first night where she wasn't constantly wondering where Jess was and if she was safe. She knew, now, where she was, she knew that her welfare was good and she knew that she was relatively happy; now all she had to do was to build on their friendship. She drifted off into the best night's sleep she had had in a long time, smiling happily and having pleasant dreams of her and her daughter.

When the morning dawned Jess glanced at her watch on the bedside cabinet; seven o'clock. She loved to be up early, but it was a rare occurrence for her to wake naturally, as it was usually Toby who woke her; so she was dismayed to realise that her door was slightly ajar and that there was no sign of her beloved pet.

On realising that he was missing, she sprang out of bed and went in search of him, but having had no time to be shown where everything was the previous night, she soon became disorientated. She also didn't want to wake Jane if she could avoid it, afraid of what Toby may have done and afraid of angering Jane, especially since their previous night had gone so well. She called out his name as quietly as she could, but there was no sign of him upstairs and all the doors were firmly closed; so she quietly crept downstairs, where she was met with a myriad of corridors and doors, something that she hadn't previously paid attention to.

'Toby, I could really curse you right now,' she whispered to herself as she chose a corridor to go down, which only had two doors at the end of it, but to know prevail as all of the doors were closed. She turned round as was about to go down one of the other corridors when she heard a loud scream towards the back of the house. She ran to where she had heard the sound and found her way into a room, where Toby was cowering in a corner, snarling his teeth and Mrs Cameron standing in the middle of the room. 'Toby, there you are!' She said with blessed relief, but succeeded in startling the housekeeper again, who let out another loud scream.

'Who are you and what is THIS doing here?' She said with a disgusted tone as she pointed at the little dog, who instantly ran to Jess and she scooped him up lovingly, just as they were joined by a half dressed Lovejoy.

'What the hell is going on here?' He asked, clearly confused at having been woken by the commotion.

'Mr Lovejoy, I should have known this would have had something to do with you!' Mrs Cameron chastised and looked him up and down, coming to her own, wrong, conclusions as to why his clothes were in a state of disarray.

'I haven't the foggiest as to what you are on about; I was asleep and was woken by you wailing like a banshee!'

'What on earth is going on in here?' Jane exclaimed as she rushed in, still tying her dressing gown together and Toby gave a little whine.

'Lady Felsham; I came in here to do some cleaning before I started on breakfast and found this animal, sleeping in your chair,' Mrs Cameron explained as she then looked from Jane to Lovejoy and Jane knew exactly what it was the housekeeper was accusing her of, without the older woman evening having to say it.

'I see, Mrs Cameron; well Toby here is Miss Carter's dog and Miss Carter is going to be my guest for a while. You may remember meeting her a few weeks ago,'

'She's my niece,' Lovejoy interrupted, trying to derail Mrs Cameron's train of thought, as he could also see where her mind was taking her.

'She's going to stay with me whilst she is visiting her uncle,' Jane finished explaining.

'I see; well would you like me to go ahead with my cleaning?' Mrs Cameron replied sniffily.

'No thank you Mrs Cameron; if you wouldn't mind starting on breakfast for us,' Jane said as she dismissed the housekeeper and waited until she was out of the room and out of earshot before she spoke again. 'I'm sorry about that Jess.'

'No it's my fault Jane; I should have kept a better eye on him, I'm terribly sorry,' Jess replied as she still hung on tightly to Toby and kissed him on the head.

'There's no harm done; the poor little thing probably wanted to explore and got lost. Isn't that right Toby?' Jane asked the young dog affectionately as she rubbed him behind the ear and he cocked his head at her in response, panting with excitement.

'So where are we?' Jess asked as she looked around the large, bright, spacious room, filled with drawing boards, portfolios and other drawing implements.

'Oh this is my study; it's where I do most of my working drawings for my clients,' Jane explained proudly as Jess looked at some of her work.

'These are really good Jane,' she said as she lifted a working example of a mural that Jane had once planned for a client, which, sadly, was never used. 'I can see where I get my artistic talent from,' she added casually, which surprised both Jane and Lovejoy; neither of them had expected her to refer, whether directly or indirectly, to her natural parentage.

'Thank you,' Jane replied simply, with a large, bemused smile. 'Shall we go and recuperate in the sitting room? I'll get Mrs Cameron to make us some tea before breakfast.'

'Do you think she's going to be problematic for us Jane? I mean, she doesn't exactly hide her dislike for me, does she? And maybe it's a bit odd that Lovejoy's niece is staying with you as opposed to him,' Jess worried.

'You don't need to worry about that Jess; it's none of her business who I choose to have as my guest, or why they are staying; I pay her to cook and clean, that's it,' Jane replied, although she feared that her tone may have made her sound snobbish. 'I'm sorry if that sounds terribly upper class of me, but I will not have my life ruled by her or anyone else,' she said, and added under her breath, 'not anymore.' Clearly it was the dawning of a new age for Jane and in such a short space of time, Lovejoy had noticed a massive change in his friend.

The three of them sat together again, as they had done the previous night and Jess couldn't miss the way Lovejoy and Jane would look at each other, which made her question if there wasn't more to their friendship or, at least, the way they felt about each other.

After breakfast, Lovejoy stretched loudly and grabbed his leather jacket from the back of the sofa in the sitting room, where he had thrown it the night before. He felt rather reluctant to leave, as he was enjoying the company he was with and watching this new Janey unfold; but work was beckoning him if he was to go on eating.

'So where are you going today?' Jane asked him as she walked him to the door.

'There's an auction in Bury-St-Edmonds that Tinker and I thought we might attend,' he replied with a slightly knowing look in her direction.

'Oh yes and how do you propose to pay for these items?' Jane replied with a playful twist of her mouth.

'Janey, who said anything about buying? I'm merely going for a look,' he replied, feigning innocence.

'How much do you need Lovejoy?' She replied with a semi-serious tone.

'About two and a half should cover it,' he said with a mischievous grin, just as they were joined by Jess.

'Can we go along too Jane? I've never been to an auction before. Unless you had other plans for us?' She asked.

'Not at all; so if that is what you really want to do, I'll be more than happy with that,' Jane smiled as she went off to her study to get Lovejoy his money. 'I do want this back eventually you know Lovejoy,' she said on her return.

'Janey when have I ever let you down?' He replied as he placed a gentle kiss to her cheek and then winked at Jess, before rushing out to Miriam.

'Well then, I suppose I had better go upstairs and change,' Jane said as she looked at herself in the mirror and smiled at the fact she was still in her nightdress, something that she never usually did.

'You don't mind us going to the auction do you?' Jess asked as they walked up the stairs together.

'Not in the least; I quite like a Saturday morning auction as they're not usually as busy as during the week days and sometimes you can pick up a real gem.'

'Do you go to the auctions with Lovejoy often?'

'Quite often, usually to pay for him,' Jane said with a laugh, 'but I quite enjoy them myself and it's a good way to get furniture for my clients.'

Jess smiled wildly with excitement at the thought of spending the day with Jane and Lovejoy, doing something that they loved and for her to try something new; so it didn't take either of them especially long to get ready and to be at the range rover and ready to leave.

'Have you got everything?' Jane asked as she threw her keys into her bag.

'Yes I think so. Are you sure about leaving Toby in the kitchen on his own? I don't want him to wreck anything,' Jess replied as she bit her bottom lip with concern.

'I'm sure he'll be absolutely fine and I don't want you to worry about anything whilst you are here you know. I want you to be able to feel comfortable. Despite Mrs Cameron's reaction this morning, I don't care where Toby goes; he'll soon get used to the place and, hopefully, so will you,' Jane said reassuringly.

'I'm sure I will,' Jess replied with a smile back.

The journey to Bury-St-Edmonds was very pleasant, as Jane showed Jess areas of Felsham that she hadn't seen on her previous visit and told her some more of the history of the place. Jess was in her element, she loved hearing about new areas and the places that were special to Jane.

'That's where Alexander used to work,' Jane said casually as she pointed at the bank as they drove passed it. 'That's where he started out and now he is on the board of directors.' Jess thought that she might have been wrong, but as Jane made the comment, she thought that she could hear a certain edge to Jane's tone; a bitterness that she hadn't properly heard before. However, as she continued to stare straight ahead of her, Jane gave no other indication of any bitterness that she might have felt for her husband and she returned to normal almost as soon as it had happened.

'After the auction we can go out for lunch if you like; I know a really great restaurant, well, it's more of a country pub now than a restaurant, but it's an old converted mill, with a water wheel. I think that you will love it.'

'You know Janey, before I decided that I wanted to get to know you, I would never have thought that you were the pub visiting type. You surprise me,' Jess said with a smile, which wasn't quite as big as Jane's when she heard Jess refer to her as "Janey"; an affectionate term that was used only by one or two people in her life. 'Oh you don't mind that I called you Janey do you? Only, I have heard Lovejoy call you it a few times and, I dunno, Jane just sounds too formal.'

'Janey is fine, absolutely fine,' Jane beamed, which made Jess's faltering smile return tenfold.

When they arrived at the auction house they walked towards the building together, with Jess's arm linked through Jane's. She was in an exceptionally good mood and Jane was thriving on the fact that this had been the first day they had spent together, which wasn't marred with pain and angst. It was just a day out like any other, her and her daughter; although she had to keep reminding herself that that wasn't quite the case. Jess wanted them to be friends, just friends and nothing else.

When they got inside Jess was over-awed by the beauty of the antiquities before her; items of furniture, paintings, ornaments, the list was endless. She started to wander off whilst Jane greeted Lovejoy and she instantly became mesmerised by some paintings. She picked one up in a frame of a little girl on a swing and was staring at it intently when Lovejoy came up behind her.

'What are you doing?' He whispered, which made her jump, but she smiled as she turned to face him.

'This is exquisite!' She exclaimed as she showed it to him.

'The kid's got a good eye Janey,' he said as he examined it closer. 'Sarah Clelland, 1896, "Lily", it's called.'

'How can you possibly know that?!' Jess was astounded.

'Oh Lovejoy just knows these things; he's what is known as a divvy, which is someone in the antiques trade who has a sixth sense about antiques. So is the genuine article?'

'It sure is Janey and it has a very sad tale behind it. See, the little girl in the painting is Clelland's daughter, Lily, she died when she was just a few days old,'

'But she looks like she might have been about six in this picture,' Jess said.

'Well she never had any more children after that. Her husband ran off with another woman shortly after Lily's death, so she created this world for herself in her paintings. They depict the life that she wish she had led with her daughter, before she succumbed to TB just two years later,' he explained and at his words, Jess looked up at Jane and gave her a knowing smile, who looked back at her with a pained expression. She too had created a world in her head, of the life she could have led with her daughter and now she looked on the painting with even more fondness.

'Come on, we better be heading inside, otherwise they'll start the auction without us,' she said as she then guided Jess into the next room, where there were more items, catalogued and waiting for sale.

'Oh wait a moment, this is bloody fantastic!' Jess half shouted with excitement. 'Oops, sorry, didn't mean to swear, or say that so loudly, but look at these vintage cameras,' she explained as she guided them over to a job lot of cameras. 'This is a folding Kodak, an autographic special from 1914 to 1917,' she said as she picked up a camera with a concertina lens. 'It's a shame that it's missing the range finder though,' she added as she closely examined it.

'Do you know much about cameras then Jess?' Lovejoy asked; impressed by the knowledge and enthusiasm she had already imparted.

'Oh quite a bit; photography is one of my passions and I just love vintage photography. I think I first got the bug for it when my granddad gave me his old box brownie,' she explained as she then saw a much larger camera towards the back. 'Good Lord they have a National!'

Jane found Jess's excitement thoroughly catching and found herself smiling and laughing until her face ached. All in all there were five cameras and Jess knew something about each and every one of them, which impressed both Jane and Lovejoy.

As they headed towards the auction room, Jane grabbed hold of Lovejoy's arm and pulled him back slightly, just out of ear shot of Jess and whispered, 'I want you to bid for those cameras. I don't care how much; I just want you to get me them!'

Jess was completely oblivious to Jane's request, as she stood at the back of the small room and listened to what was going on. She was amazed at how quick some of the bids for things came in and some items were sold within minutes, whereas some took a little longer to sell.

'Lot number two-seventeen; a watercolour painting by Sarah Clelland circa 1896, titled "Lily"; who will start me with a bid of one hundred pounds? Anyone? Alright, any bids at fifty? Have I got fifty? Thank you madam; do I hear sixty; seventy; eighty; ninety; one hundred; one fifty; two hundred; three hundred…' Jess watched intently as the price increased; it was so fast paced that she couldn't see everyone that was placing a bid and was astonished at how quickly the amount rose to one thousand pounds. 'Last chance, at one thousand pounds; are we all done at one thousand pounds? Sold.' The gavel was banged loudly and the sale was done. There were excited and disappointed murmurings in the room, until the auctioneer called for silence again as the next lot was displayed.

This went on for some time until they were joined by Tinker; who looked a little worse for wear. His eyes were slightly bloodshot from alcohol and sleep deprivation and his complexion was slightly grey in colour.

'Tinker, where the hell have you been?' Lovejoy hissed.

'Sorry Lovejoy, I got held up; there was a lock in at the Old Bull and Bush,' he whispered back.

After a few more lots, Jane's stomach began to rumble loudly, as was Jess's. It was definitely time for their lunch.

'Shall we head off and get something to eat? Leave the boys to it,' she whispered in Jess's ear, who nodded with glee as she then turned and began to head away, closely followed by Jane. 'Just remember Lovejoy, whatever it takes to get those cameras,' Jane reminded him once Jess was out of earshot.

With the sounds of the auction still ringing in their ears Jess and Jane disappeared down the country roads again. Jess had really enjoyed her experience at the auction house and had enjoyed sharing something that both Lovejoy and Jane really loved.

'So what will happen to the stuff Lovejoy has bought?' She asked.

'Well he'll take it back to his workshop and either restore them, and then sell them on, or he'll have a buyer already in mind.'

'Do you often pay for him?' Jane laughed at that comment; she had already decided that one of the things she liked most about Jess was her blunt honesty.

'Well, yes, to be honest; I think it's always been the nature of our relationship, even when I first met him. He and Tinker were up in court on some charge or other; they needed someone to cough up the bail money, so he phoned me. I don't know what it was that made me do it, as I had only met him a couple of days earlier, but I still went down to the court and I did pay his and Tinker's bail; Alexander was furious when he got home. He was the JP presiding over the cases that day,' she laughed mischievously.

'I forgot that Alexander was a JP as well,' Jess commented casually.

'I didn't realise that you knew.'

'Eric told me, whilst he was repairing my tyres. He was talking about the guy who mugged you and made a comment about you being the wife of the JP,' Jess explained. 'Did they ever catch that bloke?'

'No sadly not. After everything that had happened, well, between us, I never thought to report it to the police and by the time I remembered, it was too late for them to do anything about it,' Jane replied, just as she pulled into the car park of the pub.

'It's funny to think that that was only a few weeks ago, as it feels like a lifetime now,' Jess commented and again this brought a smile to Jane's face. Today was definitely a good sign and a step in the right direction for their relationship.

Jess seemed a lot more relaxed now in Jane's company than she ever had been before; there was something more natural between them and Jess was starting to feel it too. She was starting to see the real Jane shining through, that had spent many years being supressed and hidden and a different Jane dragged into the Felsham world.

Once inside, they perused the menu before a young waitress approached them and took their orders. Jane ordered a bottle of champagne, she felt like celebrating, and they sat and chatted happily until Lovejoy and Tinker joined them a short time later.

'Did you get everything sorted Lovejoy?' Jane asked with a raised brow.

'I sure did Janey; our purchases are currently in the car and I put yours into the range rover,' he replied, still giving no indication to Jess as to what it was that he had purchased on Jane's behalf.

'Excellent, thank you Lovejoy!' Jane said with great delight.

When the waitress returned with Jess and Jane's starters, she took Tinker and Lovejoy's orders. They all chatted happily about how lovely the pub was after its refurbishment, courtesy of Jane's hard work, and then Jane remembered her plans for the barbeque and how excited Jess had been.

'Tinker, what are your plans for next weekend?' She asked.

'The usual I suspect,' he replied mischievously, referring to his routine pub crawls.

'Well how would you like to come up to my place instead on Saturday afternoon? I thought we could have a barbeque.'

'That sounds like an excellent idea Janey,' Lovejoy said with genuine delight at the idea and his smile broadened when he saw the look of joy on Jess's face.

By the time they had all eaten and shared Jane's bottle of champagne it was late afternoon, and even though Jess was enjoying Tinker and Lovejoy's company, she really wanted to return to Felsham Hall to spend time with just her and Jane. Clearly, Jane had the same idea, as she inclined her head to Lovejoy and indicated to him that she wanted to go.

'Right well, come on Tink I think it's time we left the ladies to the rest of their day,' he said as he clapped his hands together and took Jane's hint.

'But is your niece not coming back with us?' Tinker asked with confusion, thinking it odd that Lovejoy's niece should be spending so much time away from him; but his confused look was met with a warm comforting smile from Jane, who gently placed a kiss to his cheek as they walked towards Miriam.

'I will explain it to you one day Tinker, I promise you that; but just not now,' she said and he nodded his acknowledgement to her, but still felt very bemused.

Lovejoy and Tinker then said goodbye to Jess, who gave them both warm hugs before she began to walk back to Jane's car. Jane wasn't far behind her, but she just needed a few moments to compose herself. Sometimes she had to keep reminding herself that Jess was real and really there in front of her.

She watched as Lovejoy and Tinker drove away before she unlocked the car doors and called Jess back just as she was getting into the passenger's seat; 'could you come here just a moment please Jess?' She said as she stood at the tailgate; a playful smile forming on her lips, she looked at the box of camera's Lovejoy had bought for her. 'These are for you,' she added once Jess was by her side and she felt delighted by Jess's beaming smile.

'Oh Janey I can't believe you did that for me; you didn't have to do that, but I do love 'em!' Jess exclaimed with obvious joy and she could barely contain her excitement as she threw her arms round Jane's neck and gave her the biggest hug she could manage.

'You're very welcome Jess; I know that I didn't have to, but I wanted to. When I saw how much you loved them, well, I just knew I had to get them for you,' Jane said once Jess had released her from her chokehold. 'Perhaps we can stop off at the chemist on our way home and pick up some film, see if they're still working. What do you think?'

'Can we really?'

'Yes of course we can; we have the rest of the day to ourselves, so why not?' Jane replied with a smile as they both got back into the car.

By the time they returned home to Felsham Hall it was mid-afternoon, but they had indeed stopped off at the chemist and bought several rolls of film, which Jess was now putting into her lovely, vintage cameras. She sat at the kitchen table whilst Jane watched her intently. Once her task was complete and all cameras now had film, including her more modern SLR, she looked up at Jane with a broad smile.

'Fancy coming for a walk?' She asked as she held her camera in front of her and at the mere mention of the word "walk", Toby gave a little delighted bark from underneath the table.

They walked the same route as the day before, but this time the atmosphere was completely different between them. They walked much closer together, except for when Jess stopped to take pictures of the flowers and trees, and the dogs ran in front of them. She never noticed how Jane would look at her as she concentrated on the subject she was photographing; it was a look of nothing but motherly pride and disbelief. She was enjoying the sensation of having so much time with her daughter, but she couldn't help allowing her mind to fast forward and wondered how things would be once Alexander returned and what would happen once Jess moved into Lovejoy's.

The thought unnerved her a little, but as soon as she saw the look on Jess's face, her thoughts melted away into nothing and she felt the warmth of love wash over her again. Her heart skipped a beat when Jess threaded her arm through hers, as she so often did now; but it still took Jane by surprise each time she did it.

'Sorry to keep holding you up; I just get so carried away when I'm with my camera that I usually forget everything else around me,' Jess said as they walked a little further.

'Not at all; it's lovely to see you enjoying yourself,' Jane replied.

'It used to drive Mum mad sometimes, when we went out for walks together; not that she could get out in the later days mind, but before that we used to walk together all of the time.'

They walked a little further than they had the day before, until they came to a lane that led into a courtyard at the back of Felsham Hall, where the trees from the wood thinned out and now surrounded several fields and a paddock.

'I didn't get the chance to show you the horses before,' Jane said as she led Jess towards the stables.

'How many do you have?'

'Three, at the moment; Murphy, Hazel and Dora. Have you ever ridden a horse?'

'No, I haven't; I've ridden a donkey at Brighton beach, does that count?' Jess replied nervously, as they walked towards two of the horses in the paddock. 'Where's the third one?'

'Oh Murphy is in the stables; he's lame at the moment as he threw his shoe, again, but the blacksmith is due tomorrow,' Jane explained casually.

'Does it hurt him? Losing his shoe I mean; does it hurt him to put it back on?!' Jess said with a look of subtle fear on her features.

'No, it doesn't hurt him to have it put on and it doesn't hurt him to lose it, but it's uncomfortable for him,' Jane said as she led Jess over to the stable door where Murphy hung his head out of the door. They both stroked his nose and he nudged them with appreciation. 'Come on, let's head back up to the house and get started on some dinner,' she added as they began to walk back towards the house, which marked the start of their evening together and the end of what had been a perfect first day together.


	8. Chapter 8

By the end of their first week together, Jane and Jess had developed a comfortable friendship. Their relationship was still occasionally strained, with Jess feeling as if she was betraying her parents and Jane still racked with guilt. They were still doing this dance between them of their wants and their fears for each other, which was holding them back in so many respects, but the ice was beginning to thaw and that was the main thing.

By the time the following weekend arrived, it was another scorching day and perfect for their barbecue; something that they had all been looking forward to. Jess carried a crate of beer from her car into the cool kitchen, where the French doors were flung open, allowing what little breeze there was to waft through, and then ran back out to her car to get more boxes. Jane was inside buttering rolls when Lovejoy and Eric arrived, carrying several bags of food.

'Well boys, you've certainly cleared the shop out!' Jane exclaimed with delight as they put them down on the kitchen table.

'Janey you look fantastic! Channelling Jess are you?' Lovejoy asked as he looked her up and down, referring to the bright, lime green shirtdress she was wearing. It was plain, with gold buttons down the front, but quite different from the sort of dress she usually wore.

Actually, now that he thought about it, in the last week Jane had become almost unrecognisable. She was so much more relaxed, more down to earth than Lovejoy had ever seen her. He knew that she was less the Lady when Alexander was away, but this time it was very different. However, he liked this new Janey and he certainly wasn't complaining.

Jane smiled, 'yes it is rather bright isn't it?' She said with a slight uncertainty to her voice.

'It suits you Janey,' Lovejoy replied as he placed a gentle kiss to her cheek, just as Jess arrived with the last box.

'Thank God this is the last one!' She panted as she practically dropped it onto the counter top.

'You've sure got some muscles on you Jess,' commented Lovejoy as he released his hold on Jane and went to greet Jess with a hug and a kiss to the forehead.

'Well I should hope so, after five years of kickboxing and karate lessons,' she smiled back at him and imitated a couple of her boxing moves, slicing the air with her hand.

'Ah, kickboxing and karate huh? That explains a lot,' he said as he swiftly moved away from her and she looked at him with a quizzical look.

'What d'ya mean Lovejoy?'

'I meant your dealings with Janey's mugger that day; it makes sense now that you should be a kickboxer with the way that you flattened him.'

'Wait a minute; that was you who did that Jess?' Eric exclaimed with surprise. 'I'd heard all about the girl who had taken on that bloke from the guys down at the pub, but I would never have guessed that had been you. You never let on when we spoke about it,' he added with a wild smile and impressed tone.

Just as Jess was about to reply, Tinker walked in with a half sozzled smile on his face and a slight sway to his walk, but it wasn't exactly an usual sight and he was greeted with hugs and kisses from the girls. He blushed slightly from their attention, but smiled wildly at Jess and felt amazed at how well she fitted into the bosom of their little family; but he felt that there was still something amiss about the situation, which, in his befuddled state, he couldn't quite put his finger on.

'Allison should be here soon and I think she's bringing Ellie with her. When I phoned her this morning she sounded to be in rather a bad mood, as I think she's had a month's worth of exercise in one day thanks to the wabbit,' Jess said with a cheeky grin as she rested against the counter and nicked one of the fairy cakes Jane was placing on to plates. Jane batted Jess's hand as her daughter swiftly swiped the sweet, but smiled gleefully. Today was already turning out better than she'd ever hoped for.

They all marched outside and sat at the table Jane had pulled out for them. Jess took her place on the sun-lounger and pressed play on the cassette player beside her, where the latest Spice Girls' song came blasting out.

'Jess!' Jane protested at the loud sound.

'Sorry Janey!' Jess shouted apologetically over the racket as she swiftly turned the volume down, bringing peace to them once again. Jane gave her daughter such a wide smile, that Lovejoy couldn't help but smile with her. He found it such a pleasure to watch Jane and Jess together, admiring how relaxed they were now around each other.

As they all settled back to relaxing in their own ways or chatting whilst Lovejoy set alight the barbeque, they all heard a voice shouting out to them.

'Hello?!' The female voice shouted loudly, just as a blonde girl came round the side of the house from the front drive, with a familiar white and black rabbit hopping beside her on a lead.

'Allison, you made it!' Jess exclaimed as she ran to greet her friend and embraced her in a tight hug, before turning her attentions to her mischievous bunny. 'And hello to you too Ellie, have you missed me?' She said as she picked her up and gave her a hug, but the rabbit looked most aggrieved at having just lost her freedom.

'I'd say she 'as; little bugger. Four times this week she's escaped, FOUR and I 'ad to run after her each time down the bloody street!' Allison explained, much to Jess's amusement. 'It's not funny,' she added with a smile and a small giggle.

'Come on, let me introduce you to everyone,' Jess replied as she turned round and led Allison towards the rest of their party. 'So this is Tinker, he's Lovejoy's friend and colleague,'

'Pleasure to meet you my dear; any friend of Jess's is a friend of ours,' he replied in greeting, which made Jess laugh.

'Then this is Eric…'

'I'm Lovejoy's associate and business partner,' Eric added quickly as he shook Allison's hand.

'I'm not quite sure Lovejoy would put it like that,' Jess whispered as she led Allison away, 'but he's lovely enough.' She then walked Allison over to the barbeque where Lovejoy and Jane were standing, 'Lovejoy I want you to meet my best friend Allison.'

'Jess has told us a lot about you Allison,' he replied as he also shook the young woman's hand.

'And then finally, but certainly not least,' Jess started with a smile in Jane's direction, 'this is Lady Jane Felsham,' she said a little more formally, uncertain as to what Jane would want Allison to call her.

'Jane,' she said as she held out her hand to Allison, who gave her a guarded smile, unlike the others, and seemed a little hesitant at taking Jane's hand at first.

'It's nice to meet you all,' Allison replied after a while with her thick London accent.

'Is the bunny for the barbeque? Didn't know it was going to be that kind of party,' Lovejoy said after a few seconds of awkward silence and received playful outraged sounds from both Jane and Jess.

'Lovejoy, you're awful!' Jane exclaimed. 'Come on, we'll put Ellie into the study; she won't be able to get into much trouble in there,' she added as she began to lead Jess, with Ellie still held tightly in her arms, back into the house.

'Want a bet Jane? Ellie should be renamed bloody Houdini!' Allison said which made them all laugh.

Once Ellie was tucked away inside, Jess joined Allison at the table whilst Jane, and the others, stood around Lovejoy at the barbeque. The three dogs were now running round the garden, chasing after each other and playing with a toy and all felt right in Jess's world, but she sensed that something wasn't right with her friend.

'What's wrong?' She asked as she slouched down in her chair.

'Nothing,' came the rather short reply and Jess knew that there was something wrong, especially when Allison failed to meet her gaze. 'Oh alright; I'm just not comfortable about this and I'm worried that you're gonna get hurt. I don't wanna sound mean, but I care about you. How can a woman just get rid of her only child like that?'

'Well when you spend more time with Jane you'll realise that she actually does care a lot about me; I think Alexander, her husband, is the problem. She can't see it yet, but he manipulated her…'

'…and that's another thing; why do you have to pretend to be this Lovejoy's niece when his Lordship is home? It smacks to me that she's ashamed of you Jess.'

'Allison that's not fair! I know that I don't know her yet, and that I'm usually a crap judge of character, but I really don't think it's because she's ashamed of me…' but before Jess could explain further, Jane came striding over to them and sat down next to them; however, she soon sensed a bit of tension between Allison and herself.

Jess felt apprehensive after the conversation that she and her friend had just had. She wanted so much for Allison and Jane to get along, but she knew that her friend was struggling, more than even she was, with the idea that Jane was Jess's natural mother and that she had given away her only child. She just hoped that Allison would give Jane enough of a chance to get to know her better.

'So, Allison, I believe that you and Jess have been friends a long time,' Jane said as she tried to break the ice.

'We have,' Allison replied tersely.

'I told Janey all about the first day that we met, which, ironically enough, isn't too different to the way that I first met her,' Jess laughed nervously as she looked from her friend to Jane.

'I suppose it's not,' Jane smiled as she remembered that first encounter and recalled that moment with such fondness. 'In a way I should be glad that I was mugged, otherwise you might never have plucked up the courage to speak to me.'

'That's true,' Jess replied, but just as Allison was about to speak, their conversation was interrupted by Lovejoy, as he came trotting over to them, nearly tripping up over an excitable Toby, and the two young women giggled at his use of expletives and Jane's rather disapproving look.

'Sorry to interrupt you ladies, but can I borrow you for a moment Janey?' He asked apologectically once he was a little calmer.

'Yes of course; excuse me,' Jane said as she stood up and left the girls too it.

After a couple of hours the smell of cooking burgers and sausages filled the air, as Lovejoy skilfully flipped them over, whilst the rest of them sat on the chairs or laid in the grass, chatting, laughing and drinking copious amounts of beer and wine. Jess was having a wonderful time and was delighted that she was sharing it with her best friend. They giggled happily, as they laid side-by-side, staring up at the few clouds in the sky and talking nonsense.

'That one there looks like a dragon blowing smoke rings,' Jess laughed aloud as she looked up through her yellow sunglasses, feeling the sensation of the grass underneath her bare legs and feet and her short tie-dyed t-shirt riding up an inch to reveal some of her toned stomach. Her long hair fell loosely around her shoulders and Lovejoy noticed just how much more like Jane she suddenly looked.

'Really? I thought it looked more like a donkey being abducted by an alien spaceship!' Allison replied with a laugh, causing Jess to prop herself quickly onto her elbows and look at her with a confused look as she laughed.

'A donkey being abducted by aliens? What the f…'

'Jess, would you mind helping me with the plates?' Jane interrupted as she walked cheerily over to the girls and found their raucous laughter to be infectious.

'Yes of course Janey,' Jess spluttered through her laugher, wiping away tears from her eyes.

'Do you want me to help Jess?' Allison asked kindly.

'No, you can bloody well stay there and keep out of mischief,' Jess replied with a wink, still laughing and her ribs aching.

'That's fine by me; I'll kick back and enjoy the rays,' Allison said as she laid back down with her hands tucked behind her head after she adjusted her red dress.

'You seem to really be enjoying yourself,' Jane said with delight once she and Jess were alone and inside the kitchen.

'I am, this was a really great idea; thanks for coming up with it,' Jess replied with a broad smile. 'I'm sorry if Allison seemed a little off with you earlier…'

'I didn't think she was off with me, just a little uncertain; but from what you've told me about her, I can appreciate why she's apprehensive. I know that she's concerned about you and doesn't want you to get hurt again; but I hope that you realise that I will do everything within my power to make sure that you are never hurt again by,' Jane said as she cupped Jess's cheek lovingly, which touched Jess and made her certain that Allison, on this occasion was wrong.

Jane then turned her attentions to the plates that she had piled up on the counter top and lifted them into her arms as she made her way towards the door.

'I'll take these if you maybe want to take the cutlery.'

Jess then grabbed the knives and forks as requested and Jane headed back out into the garden, but just as Jess was about to join her, the phone began to ring; 'oh Ja…' she began to say, but it was too late, as Jane was long out of earshot. She put down the cutlery once again and cheerfully picked up the phone. 'Hello?'

'Jane?' It was Alexander.

'No I'm afraid Jane isn't available at the moment,' Jess replied innocently.

'Well who the hell are you then?' He asked rudely.

'I'm Jess,' she said meekly, realising who was on the phone and found a lump forming in her throat and tears stinging her eyes.

'Oh you're Lovejoy's niece aren't you; yes she told me about you,' he said disapprovingly. 'Where is Jane? I need to speak to her urgently.'

'I'll just get her for you,' but just as Jess was about to place the phone down on the side to fetch her, Jane came rushing back in jovially, laughing at something Lovejoy had shouted at her.

'I forgot to take out the salad,' she said with a laugh, which she dropped instantly when she noticed Jess. 'What's wrong?' She asked urgently.

'Telephone call for you; it's your husband,' Jess said with quiet sadness as she handed the phone to Jane and then disappeared sadly into the sitting room, where she sat for several minutes before Jane joined her.

'Oh darling I'm so sorry,' she whispered as she sat down beside her, a little hesitantly at first, unsure of the reception she might be about to get; but she was surprised that Jess instantly fell into her embrace and began to gently sob.

'No I'm sorry, I never thought I'd feel this overwhelmed, but it was just strange to hear his voice and for him to be so rude; I just never expected it, that's all,' Jess cried.

'I'm sorry he was rude to you, but it wasn't your fault. He was in a bad mood about something that's happened at the bank, which I need to go and sort out,' Jane explained softly as she held her daughter tightly and lovingly kissed the top of her head.

'You mean you have to go now?' Jess exclaimed as she pulled slowly away from Jane.

'No, not just now; he wanted me to, but I told him that it would have to wait until Monday, as I was busy,' she replied calmly as she gently stroked Jess's long hair and brushed away a stray tear from her cheek. She felt her own eyes stinging with angry tears that Alexander had hurt her daughter and was annoyed at him for being so rude.

'Is everything alright?' Lovejoy said cautiously as he then entered the room, tentatively aware that he might have been interrupting a tender moment between them, but concerned to see tears in both of their eyes.

'I think so Lovejoy; Jess has just had an incident with Alexander though. He was rather rude to her, I'm afraid,' Jane whispered softly as she continued to stroke Jess's hair, as Jess rested her head against Jane's shoulder.

'When did you speak to Alexander?' He asked as he glanced around him, thinking that Alexander might have returned home early from his trip.

'Just now, he phoned to speak to Jane, but you were busy outside…' Jess explained before breaking off.

'Oh Jess, try not to let him spoil your day,' Lovejoy said, replicating Jane's soft comforting tone as he sat on the arm of the sofa. 'I realise that must have been a shock for you, but you were having such a great time with us out there and with Janey, so try to hold onto that.'

'I know Lovejoy and I'm not going to let him ruin things; it's just that, well it just reminded me that he's the reason why I didn't grow up here and why Janey didn't get to be my mum. It also made me realise that if he was that rude to me when he doesn't know who I am, then what would his reaction be if he knew?' Jess sniffed.

Unbeknown to Jess, Lovejoy and Jane, Allison had come looking for them, wondering where on earth they had all disappeared to in such a hurry. At first she worried that her earlier fears about Jane may have been realised, but when she propped herself against the door frame of the living room door, she was reassured by what she heard next.

'It just made me realise that he can never find out about me, but then I'm worried about what will happen to us Janey when he's home. No doubt he'll be home longer than he's away and we won't get to spend any time together then and I'm just worried that this isn't going to work,' Jess sobbed, which made Jane's heart skip a beat and then break. She was now fearing that Jess was having second thoughts about their arrangement and that she might be about to lose her once again.

'Jess, you might not believe me, but I do love you; I always have loved you from the moment I knew you existed. I will never take you for granted now that I have you back in my life. Regardless of where Alexander is, I will always make sure that you are my priority and I will not let him come between us again,' Jane said powerfully and tearfully and after she'd said it, she felt Lovejoy rubbing his hand up and down her shoulder, a gesture full of support, love and comfort.

Allison smiled at the thought of Lovejoy and Jane supporting her friend and felt comforted by the fact that Jess had them in her life to help her through such a difficult time. She silently turned round and walked back down the long hallway, before turning round again and walking back towards the living room.

'Jess are you in here?' She called, feigning innocence.

'We're in here Allison,' Jess replied as she suddenly composed herself, wiped away here tears and regained her composure.

'Well you might all want to come out before Eric burns the rest of your burgers Lovejoy, because Ainsley Harriot he is not,' Allison joked with a laugh and a knowing smile to Jess as they all headed out to the garden again.

The rest of the afternoon passed without further incident and Jess's earlier upset no longer seemed to bother her. Her familiar fun, bubbly demeanour had returned as she laughed with her friends. If anything, it was Jane who seemed a little melancholy as she watched her daughter playing with the frisbee with Allison, Eric and the dogs, who were causing chaos amongst them.

'Is everything alright love?' Tinker asked her with paternal concern as he sat beside her in his deck chair. He been watching her watching Jess and he knew that something was amiss about this situation.

'I don't know Tinker; have you ever done something that you knew was wrong, something that you bitterly regretted with every piece of you, with no way of ever righting it?' She replied.

'Well whatever it is that's happened, I'm sure we can do something to help.'

'She's my daughter Tink,' Jane said quietly and her eyes brimmed with tears again as she looked at her friend, who didn't seem particularly surprised by this admission.

'I knew that there was something; does she know that?'

'Yes she does; she found me a couple of months ago, only our first meeting got off to a rocky start, but since then I thought that we'd really started to bond. However, today just made me wonder if I really have made any progress with her and if I ever will, thanks to Alexander.' Tinker looked at Jane sorrowfully as she tried desperately hard to subdue her tears, as both Tinker and Lovejoy tried to console her.

'Janey, Jess isn't going to go anywhere; you saw how upset she got earlier when she thought that you might be separated from each other and she wants that as little as you do,' Lovejoy comforted.

Jane quickly composed herself, realising that Jess could see her distress at any second and the last thing that she wanted to do, was draw attention to herself and ruin Jess's day.

'Is Alexander her…' Tinker began.

'Yes he is; but it's rather complicated…actually, do you know what, it isn't complicated at all. He decided that he didn't want children and that was that; he gave me an ultimatum, it was a choice between him or her and I didn't think it was right for her to grow up without a loving father. So I gave her up for adoption, which was the worst mistake of my life Tinker, and I bitterly regret ever second of it,' she explained tearfully.

Tinker wasn't sure what to say to offer her words of comfort and neither did Lovejoy. His heart ached for her and for the love he felt for her and it pained him so much to see her suffering the way she was now; but he had to remind himself that she and Jess had only been truly together for one week, which wasn't nearly enough for them to really get to know each other and settle their hurt.

Jane had thought that Jess had been oblivious to her tears that afternoon, but she was wrong; she had seen Lovejoy and Tinker comforting her and she knew that she was the cause of it, which hurt her too. She was never the kind of person to hurt anyone, so that night, once everyone had headed home, she took the opportunity to talk to Jane properly.

Jane was just getting into bed when she heard the tiniest of knocks on her door, which made her freeze and look up, 'you can come in Jess,' she said with a concerned tone. Her door opened and Jess walked sheepishly inside.

'I just wanted to make sure that you are alright after this afternoon?' She asked tentatively as she hovered by the door for a few moments.

'Of course I am, why wouldn't I be alright?' She replied quickly, trying to brush off Jess's concerns, but her daughter wasn't fooled.

Jess hesitated for a few moments before replying, until she finally made her way round to the other side of Jane's bed and climbed in beside her, which took Jane quite by surprise, but she found it a comforting move.

'I saw you with Lovejoy and Tinker earlier on, I know that you were upset and I realise that it was my fault, because of how I reacted to Alexander's call,' she explained as she settled herself under the covers.

'I'm sorry Jess, I didn't mean to get upset; it wasn't you who upset me though, it's just our situation,' Jane explained as she rolled over on to her side to face Jess. 'I never thought that for one second that I would ever see you again, but now that I have you back in my life, every time I see you upset, it just reminds me that it's all my fault.'

'But it's not all your fault is it? Alexander put you in a position where you felt like you had no other choice,' Jess replied calmly.

'I'm so sorry for the way that he spoke to you today Jess, he had no right to upset you like that,' Jane said as she softly brushed Jess's hair with her fingers.

'What would you say if I said that I wanted to meet him?' Jess asked after a few moments of silence.

'Meet him?' Jane replied quizzically, a little afraid of the suggestion.

'Well I've been thinking about this a lot in the last couple of days and I think that I want to meet him. Today has confirmed that I'll probably not like him and I'm sure he wouldn't approve of me anyway, but I do just want to meet the man who is my biological dad, I didn't think I would have done if I'm honest, but a conversation I had with Lovejoy last week got me thinking. I've never had a dad and I'm not exactly looking for him to be one, he's made it perfectly clearly that he doesn't want to be one, but it feels important to me that I should meet him.'

Jane was amazed by what she was hearing. She never thought for a moment that Jess would ever want to meet Alexander, especially after this afternoon's development, and to hear her say that now, both excited and unnerved her. She didn't want to do anything that would upset Jess more than she already had been.

'Well, we have just under a month until he's back; we'll talk about it again closer to the time, you might have changed your mind by then, but we'll certainly make it possible if that's what you really want to do,' Jane replied softly.

'Alright,' Jess replied sleepily as she shuffled further down under the cover and closed her eyes.

'Are you planning to sleep in here tonight?' Jane asked with surprise.

'Yup; I'm too tired to move,' Jess mumbled. 'Goodnight Jane,' she added groggily as she moved forward and pecked Jane on the cheek, before settling back down again.


	9. Chapter 9

Jess's request to meet Alexander had played on Jane's mind for several days after the barbecue, especially after the way he had spoken to her. Jess hadn't said much more about the phone call, but Jane could tell that it had shaken and unnerved her. This also unnerved Jane, as she still feared that her relationship with her daughter was still under threat, which wasn't helped when Jane was surprised to receive a letter from the postman, addressed to Jess about a week later.

'This came for you,' she said as she handed the white envelope to Jess, who was sat at the table in the kitchen, and Jane watched as her face lit up.

'Thank you,' Jess replied as she ripped it open and began reading the contents.

It was neatly hand written and clearly familiar to Jess who read it intently and with a small smile playing on her lips. Jane sat down opposite Jess at the end of the table and opened her own mail, but continued to watch Jess closely.

'Is everything alright Jess?' She asked once the young woman had put the letter down.

'Yes thanks; it was from my granddad in Scotland, just checking to see how I was. I told him that I was staying here, although he doesn't know my reasons; I just told him that I needed a break away so I was staying with friends, but I gave him your address and everything, I hope that was alright.'

'Of course it is,' Jane replied with a relieved tone. 'Is he well?'

'I think so; he was saying that he was having a couple of issues with one of the other crofter's dog, he keeps running into Granddad's field and chasing the sheep.'

'Oh that isn't good; what's he going to do about it?'

'I don't know and I don't think I really want to know, because it quite probably will involve a shotgun. Hopefully it won't come to that though and Granddad isn't an unkind man, so he'll only do that as a very last resort,' Jess explained.

'Have you spent a lot of time up there with him?'

'Mum and I used to go up every spring to see him and he used to let me feed the lambs and he had ducks and chickens too. I think he's struggling a bit now though; I don't like to think of him as old, but I guess I have to remember that he isn't exactly young anymore either.'

Hearing the way Jess spoke about her granddad and her mum made Jane's heart ache just a little. She always made sure that Jess spoke of her adoptive family often and for the most part she enjoyed hearing about them and listening to Jess's stories; but every now and then she would feel thins pang of guilt and grief. She grieved so desperately for the life that she and Jess could have had together and felt guilty that it was down to her own cowardice that had prevented it.

'I hope you're happy here Jess,' Jane said, which came a little out of the blue for Jess, but she could see that it had been playing on the older woman's mind.

'Janey, I am loving spending time with you and getting to know you. I won't deny that the first week I arrived was really hard and I felt that we had so much to overcome, but now I think of us as such good friends,' Jess replied with a bright smile, which then faltered slightly. 'Are you still happy and comfortable with me being here? I would never want to make things awkward for you. Is this to do with my request to meet Alexander?' She asked, but right at that moment Lovejoy came marching through the house with a large smile on his face and a skip in his step, putting an immediate end to their conversation and leaving feelings unresolved.

He placed a quick kiss to Jane's cheek and then to the top of Jess's head, making them both look at each other with confused expressions, but smiles on their faces too. The atmosphere in the room was quite different to the way it had been before, as they both found Lovejoy's clear enthusiasm catching.

'Lovejoy, what on earth…' Jane laughed.

'How do you both fancy a day trip to the beach, hmm? I've just had a commission from a Lord Archibald Fraser, do you know him Janey?'

'Yes, I know the Frasers very well; Alexander plays golf with him and the Felshams and the Frasers go back decades, generations in fact,' Jane explained.

'Well he's commissioned me to find him some naval memorabilia and I know just the place in Great Yarmouth. So I thought that we could take a road trip over there, just the three of us, and enjoy ice-cream, fish n chips by the sea and I might even have time to squeeze in some work,' Lovejoy replied with a laugh and smiled.

'I haven't been to Great Yarmouth in years,' Jane said as she bit her lip with excitement.

'I haven't been to the beach since I was a child,' Jess said brightly.

'Well that settles it then; go get your bikinis girls…'

'LOVEJOY!'

Jess giggled at Jane's response as she practically ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs, happily grabbing her rucksack and throwing on her favourite tie-dyes, some of the brightest she owned, and throwing in some shorts and a spare t-shirt. It was another fantastically sunny day outside so she hoped it would be just as blisteringly hot in Great Yarmouth. However, her joy wavered slightly when she stood up and started to walk towards her bedroom door, as she suddenly felt dizzy. She quickly had to grapple for the doorframe to steady herself and blinked a few times to refocus her vision.

'Are you alright Jess?' Jane asked as she came out of her bedroom and Jess quickly righted herself.

'Yes thanks; I was just waiting for you. Are you ready?' She replied as she quickly diverted the conversation.

'I am and Lovejoy is downstairs waiting for us. I thought we'd take my car though, I'm not exactly sure how reliable Miriam would be to get us there and back,' Jane laughed.

'Is it far to Great Yarmouth?'

'Not very far, but, depending on traffic, it should take us about an hour and a half to get there,' Jane explained as they walked down the stairs together, where Lovejoy was waiting impatiently at the bottom for them. 'Jess, I ju…'

'Come on ladies, we haven't got all day you know!' He said as he jumped up and down.

'Honestly he's like a child sometimes,' Jane whispered, making Jess laugh.

'Come on Toby,' Jess said to her beloved pet, who was sat waiting for her by the door as well. She grabbed his lead as Jane grabbed her keys and made their way outside. Jane then set the alarm and locked the door, ensuring everything was secure before getting into her car, where Jess and Lovejoy were already waiting for them.

'This was nice of you to suggest this Lovejoy,' Jane said as she drove down the winding roads.

'Well, it was an inviting excuse to spend some quality time with two of my favourite girls and too good an opportunity to miss,' he smiled and Jess noticed the loving glance that he gave to Jane, even if Jane hadn't.

She'd realised some time ago that they were madly in love with each other, it was obvious from the way they cared about each other and the looks they gave each other when they thought that the other wasn't looking. She loved how much Lovejoy clearly adored Jane and she knew that their love for each other wasn't lustful or vulgar, but a true love. Jess wanted them to be together so much, but she knew that there was nothing going on between them, despite what many others thought.

'Are you alright back there?' Jane said to Jess. Truth was that she wasn't feeling well, but she didn't want to ruin things by admitting it.

'I'm fine, I just get a bit car sick, that's all,' she replied, which wasn't a lie. She remembered the time that her mum had taken her and Allison up to Scotland, Allison had visited Jess's granddad with them quite often. Kay had to pull the car into a layby quickly, as Jess rushed to the gully to be sick; then, whilst Kay was trying to sort Jess out, Allison was busy sticking her head out of the window at them.

'Allison, what are you trying to do? Get back in your seat,' Kay had said.

'But I want to see if it's the same colour as last year!' Allison had replied. Kay hadn't known whether to laugh or feel grossed out at the suggestion, but it had cheered Jess up, who had been upset at being sick and had laughed giddily. They'd only have been about seven at the time.

Jess smiled faintly as she recalled the memory, but she did have the slightest pang of grief as she thought of her mum, something she hadn't experienced much in the last couple of days. Her grief then turned to guilt, as she realised that she hadn't been to visit her mum's grave at all since the funeral and the thoughts brought a whole host of ill-feeling to the surface. It reminded Jess of just how much she missed her mum.

'Are you sure you're alright Jess? You're very quiet back there,' Lovejoy said as he glanced round at her from the passenger seat. 'You've turned as white as a sheet.'

'I'll be fine, honest,' she said shakily; 'it's just these twisty roads. I'll be fine when we get to the beach, the sea air will soon blow away the cobwebs.'

Jess closed her eyes for a little while and drifted off into a sort of peaceful sleep and when she woke again, they were just pulling into the car park on the sea front. She felt much better than she had earlier and leapt brightly from the car. Obviously, it had been car sickness.

'Right who wants some lunch? There's a great chippy nearby or would Lady Felsham prefer something more indulgent to her taste buds?' Lovejoy joked as he grabbed Jane by the waist and waltzed her in a brief circle.

'Lovejoy, that's enough of that thank you!' She replied as she whacked him playfully on the arm. 'And fish and chips will do perfectly well thank you. I have eaten from newspaper you know.'

'And here was me thinking that the English aristocracy never ate from anything other than the finest silver plates,' Lovejoy replied mischievously and with a wink at Jess, who giggled at his playful behaviour. Jane just glared at him, but there was a playful smile forming at the corners of her mouth.

Once they had their lunch in their hands, they found a wall beside the beach to sit on. Toby was delighted to play in the sand beneath them, digging holes and upsetting the seagulls. He kept angling for a bit of fish, which Jess eventually gave to him.

'No more Toby, or you'll make yourself sick,' she laughed as she tried to put on her sternest voice, which made Lovejoy and Jane laugh. 'Honestly, he's such a moocher for food,' she added as she laughed with them.

They then walked onto the beach, where Jess kicked off her sandals and felt the soft sand in between her toes. She and Toby began to run towards the sea and her excited giggles could be heard from miles away, which made Jane smile, and Toby gave little excited yelps towards his owner as he trotted at her feet. Lovejoy and Jane then sat themselves on the sand and watched Jess galloping off, but Lovejoy soon noticed the melancholy look on Jane's face and realised that she was close to tears.

'Do you think she's happy with me Lovejoy?' She asked in a hoarse whisper after a while, pushing back tears threatening to spill from her eyes.

'I think she's having a great time with you Janey. Has she told you any different?'

'No, not exactly; it's just that she got a letter from her grandfather this morning, I hadn't even realised that she'd written to him. He knows where she is but he doesn't know why she's with me, which is absolutely fine; but it's just, well you should have seen the look on her face when she was talking about her family Lovejoy. I've tried to stop myself from thinking of her as my daughter, because I realise that I gave up that right the day I signed those damn papers, but I still wonder if I'm doing right by her now.'

'Janey, believe it or not, but Jess thinks the world of you.'

Really? Because I'm not so sure. She thinks that I don't know, but I've heard her crying in her room some nights and I feel so guilty all of the time; I know that I've upset her so much and then with Alexander last weekend…' Jane broke off as she became more and more upset. Lovejoy placed his arm around her shoulders and she rested her head against his. 'I fear that the more she is getting to know me, the less likely she is to tell me she is unhappy. I need to know how she feels, but at the same time I don't want her to be unhappy or feel that she has to pretend.'

'Oh Janey; you've just got to give yourselves time. You've only been together a couple of weeks, of course you are both going to have moments of uncertainty with each other. You've just got to make the most of the time that you are spending together and get to know each other better.'

'Will you speak to her for me Lovejoy and find out for sure? She seems more open with you and is more likely to tell you if she's unhappy,' Jane pleaded and gave him a look that he couldn't ignore, just as Jess ran back to them.

'Is everything alright Janey?' She said with concern as she flumped down in front of them, out of breath and soggy, just as Lovejoy and Jane uncoiled themselves from each other.

'Janey was just saying that she fancied an ice cream Jess, do you want one?' Lovejoy asked as he avoided her question.

'Oh yes please,' Jess replied brightly.

'Right, well come on then, I'll need some help carrying them,' he said and gave Jess a look that said she needed to follow him. 'Janey's going to stay here with the stuff and with Toby. We won't be long,' he added and gave Jane a knowing look as the two of them walked away and she gave him a grateful smile back.

Once they were out of earshot of Jane, Lovejoy was about to ask Jess how she was, but Jess interrupted; 'is Janey alright? She seemed a little upset back there,' she asked with genuine concern.

'I would say she's unsettled more than upset,' he replied cautiously.

'Is it something I've done? If it is, I never meant to; the last thing I want to do is hurt her.'

'That's what I said to her,' Lovejoy smiled, 'but it isn't something you've done to her. She just worries that you're not happy and that she's not doing right by you.'

'Why would she think that? I'm loving the time that I'm getting to spend with her, although I think the fact that I suggested meeting Alexander might have upset her, which I didn't mean to do.'

'I don't think the request itself upset her, I think it was his reaction to you and the fact you want to meet him has unnerved her, even if she wouldn't admit it. But how are you finding things with Jane? She mentioned that she's heard you crying some nights.'

'Has she? I was trying to hide it,' she replied sadly. 'I don't really know how to explain what's happened because I can't even really explain it to myself, but something has changed for me…'

'Do you not want to be with us anymore?'

'Yes of course I do Lovejoy!' She felt astounded that he could even think that and threaded her arm through his. 'That's the point, I love being at Felsham Hall, I love being with you and Tinker and Eric, I love everything about Felsham, but what surprises me the most is how much I love Janey.'

'Really?'

'Yes Lovejoy, really; when I first went looking for her, when I first met her and when I first agreed to this situation we're now in, I never once thought that I could think of her as anything else than a friend. For a short while, I wasn't even sure that I could think of her as that; but I first sort of felt it at the barbeque last weekend. She was standing with you talking and I happened to look over and, it wasn't even like a conscious thought exactly, but it was like a sudden realisation that she's my mum and I haven't stopped thinking about it all week. However, I feel guilty because I loved and adored my own mum and I just feel so conflicted!' Now it was Lovejoy's turn to comfort Jess, who, like Jane, looked like she was on the verge of tears. He just wished that they would talk to each other rather than through him.

'You need to talk to Jane and tell her more about how you feel you know and about your thoughts, she needs to do it too, because she fears that your disappointed in her or that this situation isn't working out as you had hoped. She fears that she's pushing you in directions that you don't want to go in.'

'Has she said that?'

'She doesn't have to, I can just tell; you forget, I've known Janey a very long time, so I know what she's thinking, long before she even knows it herself,' he smiled as they finally reached the ice-cream van.

They began to walk back to where Jane was sitting, both carrying an ice cream in each hand, and Jane smiled when she saw them. She tried to act as if she hadn't been in deep contemplation, worrying about her and Jess and Jess was trying to pretend that she wasn't feeling unwell.

'Who's the fourth ice-cream for?' Jane asked as she shielded her eyes against the sun.

'Toby of course; he loves an ice cream, don't you boy?' She replied as she held the much smaller ice cream out to him, which he lapped at happily.

'Are you feeling alright Jess? You're awfully pale,' Jane said after a while and raised her hand to Jess's forehead. 'You have a slight temperature! What do you think Lovejoy?' He also then placed his hand against Jess's forehead and indeed, she was running a temperature.

'That doesn't feel good Jess; I think we best get you home,' he said as he went to stand up.

'I'm fine, honestly,' she lied, not wanting to worry either of them too much.

'No arguments Jess,' he replied as he helped her to her feet.

'But what about your commission? We still have to find something for that Lord Fraser guy,' she protested.

'He can wait Jess; you're more important to me than any commission is.'

Jane watched as Lovejoy helped to escort Jess from the beach and she held on tightly to Toby's leash. As she watched him with her daughter, she found herself wishing that he was Jess's father, a thought that she ashamedly shook from her mind.

The journey back to Felsham was quiet as Jess slept in the back and Jane ordered her straight to bed once they arrived at Felsham Hall. Jane was amazed to hear no protests from her, who went up immediately, closely followed by Toby.

'Would you like some tea Lovejoy?' Jane asked with tiredness.

'Only if you want me to stay,' he replied softly.

'Of course, you're always welcome here, you know that,' she replied with a smile as she then disappeared into the kitchen.

When she returned with a tray of tea and biscuits, Lovejoy had made himself comfortable on the sofa and he smiled at the thought of spending some time alone with her. Despite what many thought, and probably Jane herself, his love for her was genuine and true. It wasn't lust, but something much purer.

'Thank you for speaking to Jess for me. I know you probably think I was being over sensitive, but I can't begin to make you or anyone else understand what this all feels like,' she said as she poured the hot tea into both cups.

'Janey, nothing is going to be fixed between you by Tuesday, is it? You have to give yourselves time, but you also need to talk to each other more. She's a really great kid, who's been through hell in such a short time. She's questioning everything in her life and she just needs to know that we're all here for her.' Jane looked at Lovejoy with quiet understanding and his words finally resonated something with her.

'She's more wonderful than I could ever have imagined Lovejoy and I can't tell you how proud I am of her. She has dealt with everything beautifully, I'm not sure that I could have been that strong at her age.'

'Yes you were Janey; you had to have been as strong as that to be able to make the decision you did and to survive it. That's where she gets her courage from, her mother,' he complimented and she blushed, just a little. She gazed at him and felt a surge of love and affection for him, but stopped herself from going any further when she leaned in to kiss him.

'Lovejoy I…'

'Yes Janey?' He whispered.

'…I think I had better go up and check on Jess,' she replied as she pulled herself quickly away and marched out of the room. Her heart felt to be racing beneath her ribs at the thought of what she had nearly allowed to happen, but she tried to push the thoughts away as she entered Jess's room.

Jess was no better than she had been earlier; if anything, she looked a lot worse. She was as white as a sheet and shivering intensely, even though she was wrapped up in several layers, with sweat running down her face.

'Good Lord Jess; when did you become as bad as this?' She asked her daughter with grave concern as she placed her hand to her forehead, but Jess didn't reply. She turned a funny green colour and launched herself out of the bed, running straight for her bathroom, her feet barely touching the floor.

Her usually well kept, thick auburn hair stuck to her clammy face as she vomited into the sink. She was sat on the edge of her bath as she retched. Jane then walked through and held her daughter's hair for her, lovingly stroking her back with her other hand and whispering words of comfort to her.

'Is everything alright Janey?' Lovejoy asked as he knocked on the open bedroom door. 'I thought I just heard Jess being sick,' he added.

'You did,' she answered simply as she then led Jess, who was very weak and shivering again, back to her bed once the sickness had stopped. 'Lovejoy, perhaps you could get the thermometer from the cupboard in my bathroom,' she instructed as she helped to settle Jess again.

She then disappeared into Jess's bathroom again and washed out the glass that she usually had beside her bed. She also grabbed a face cloth and soaked it in cold water. By the time she returned to Jess's bedside, the young woman had resumed her shivering and was barely awake. It was clearly going to be a long night.

Jane perched herself on the bed next to Jess, just as Lovejoy re-joined her with the thermometer, 'here you go Janey,' he said as he handed it to her and she placed it into Jess's mouth. Jess didn't contest the termometer, but she objected when Jane tried to place the cold cloth to her forehead, by batting away Jane's hands.

'Jess, we need to start lowering your temperature,' she said softly.

'Nooooo!' Jess mumbled with a furrowed brow, her eyes shut tight.

Jane then took the thermometer out of Jess's mouth and was dismayed to see it was up to thirty-nine degrees celcius. She was already starting to get delirious from the fever, which was starting to get a firm grip. Jane could feel her heart racing beneath her ribs, with fear and concern, which only increased as Jess began to mumble and mutter incoherently in her semi-conscious state. However, she felt comforted when she felt Lovejoy's hands resting on her shoulders.

He then walked over to the large windows and threw them open, trying to let as much air into the room as possible. The room felt stuffy in the early autumn heat, but when he returned to Jane, she was finally able to mop Jess's forehead. She looked at him with grave concern and fear, as Jess's forehead felt to be on fire and when Jess suddenly started retching again, he was on hand to quickly run for the bucket and returned just in time. Again, Jane lovingly held Jess's long hair back and soothed her in the best way that she could, making gentle shushing sounds and stroking her cheek.

'It's alright Jess, just let it come, I'm here for you, it's alright,' she whispered lovingly, but her heart was nearly broken when she heard what Jess managed to mutter next.

'My mum, I want my mum, get her for me,' she whispered hoarsely as she fell back against her sodden pillows, her eyes squeezed shut once more.

Although Jess's words had hurt her, Jane tried to remind herself that Jess didn't realise exactly what she was saying. It was the fever that was talking, for she knew that her mother wasn't alive, but it was still only natural that she would want to ask for her mother at a time of need. Jane tried to push her tears and hurt away, as Jess was soothed into silence for a time, but after all the bonding they had done together over the past couple of months, Jane had thought that she would mean more to her now, than just a friend.

Once Jess was asleep again, Lovejoy pulled Jane into the hallway to offer her words of comfort. He could see that Jess's cries had hurt Jane and he wished he could do something to help her pain.

'She wouldn't have meant to hurt you Janey,' he said as he placed his hand on her shoulders, rubbed her arms and kissed her forehead.

'I know Lovejoy; it's fine, really it is' she whispered with exhaustion. 'You don't have to stay by the way.'

'Of course I'll stay Janey, I want to make sure that you're both alright.'

When they returned to the bedroom, they sat either side of Jess; Jane on the bed and Lovejoy in the chair in the corner. The hours ticked by slowly with Jess flitting between a state of unconsciousness and semi-consciousness and constantly calling for her mother each time she was sick. Jane was really great with her though, calm and reassuring, regardless of her own distress, she didn't let it show at any time and Lovejoy felt so proud of her.

'It's alright Jess; I know you want your mum, but she'll always be with you. In the meantime, you have to put up with me I'm afraid, a poor substitute I'm sure,' Jane whispered as she placed another dampened cloth on Jess's forehead.

When she next checked her temperature, it was much lower and Jess had stopped shaking. By the time dawn arrived, both Jane and Lovejoy were exhausted, but Jess had stopped vomiting and was sleeping more soundly, allowing them to breath an exhausted sigh of relief. However, Jane still didn't want to leave Jess's side, just in case she relapsed or needed anything. She didn't want her to wake in a confused state, wondering where she was or who it was that was looking after her.

She moved from the bed and sat in the seat beside Jess's bed and started to drift off to sleep herself as she watched her daughter sleeping peacefully. Lovejoy was already asleep in the corner and she wasn't certain how long she had nodded off for or if, indeed, she had at all, but she next opened her eyes to hear Jess's mumbles again.

'Mum? Mum are you there?' She whispered.

'Jess it's Jane, you're alright, everything is going be alright now; you just need to rest and take it easy,' Jane said as she leaned a little closer and then felt Jess's hand clasp hers and her eyes fluttered open ever so slightly, but looked straight into Jane's once she had them focussed.

'Thank you for taking care of me Mum,' she said, before closing her eyes again and drifted back to sleep, leaving Jane sobbing with exhausted glee. It hadn't been her adoptive mother she had been calling for during the night, it had been her.


	10. Chapter 10

The next morning Jane and Lovejoy were exhausted after their night, but Jane was delighted and ecstatic by the fact that Jess had called her mum. Even if it was only a one off, she didn't mind, because it made her feel more accepted by Jess than she could have imagined possible. It was as if everything that had happened no longer mattered, she had a definitive answer about how Jess truly felt; all Jane had to do now was work on her own insecurities and continue to build the lovely bond that they'd started to form. Thank God they still had a little more time before Alexander was back.

Jess had no recollection of the words she had spoken; in fact, she had very little recollection of any of the events that had happened that night. She just vaguely remembered someone mopping her forehead every now and then and Jane occasionally speaking to her, although what was said, she couldn't be sure.

She spent the whole of the next day in bed, sleeping and resting. Jane slept for most of the next day as well, whilst Lovejoy returned to his own cottage, on the understanding that, "should you need anything Janey, anything at all, day or night, give me a call; alright?" He had then kissed her lovingly on the forehead before leaving her.

She sat, for what she thought was a few moments, staring out of the bay window in the living room. With her eyes, she traced the tracks in the gravel left by Miriam when Lovejoy had driven off and with thought of him; she rested her head against the cool glass of the window pain. He had been so wonderful last night, well, over the last few months, and she had no idea how she would have managed without him; but her thoughts were rudely interrupted by the ringing of the telephone.

'7265,' she answered a little sharply as she pushed the receiver to her ear.

'Jane it's me,' Alexander replied. 'I haven't got long I'm afraid darling, as I'm just about to go into a meeting, but I thought you'd be glad to know that I'm coming home earlier than planned.'

'Oh really,' she said with a tone of sadness.

'Well I thought you'd be delighted Jane.'

She righted herself and put on a big smile, 'of course I'm delighted darling. I'm sorry; I'm just a little tired, that's all. Do you need me to pick you up from the airport?'

'No don't worry about that, the client has organised a car for us. I'll be heading to Paris tomorrow morning but should be home late tomorrow evening,' he said with glee, oblivious to the pain his announcement had just caused Jane.

'Well I will look forward to seeing you tomorrow night then darling,' she said and then put the receiver down with a tear in her eye. She had been looking forward to having at least another week with her daughter and now she had to break the news to her that that wasn't going to be the case.

She moved onto the sofa, where she stretched out and allowed herself to cry a little, her previous good mood complete evaporating. Of course, she was being silly, as Jess would just move into Lovejoy's as they had agreed; but what if she didn't want to do that anymore? What if, as soon as she mentioned Alexander's return to her, she decided to go back…

'Janey is everything alright?' Jess asked groggily as she entered the sitting room and interrupted Jane's train of thought completely. Her hair was standing at odd angles and she had dark rings under eyes. Jane hadn't realised how long she had been laid out on the sofa until Jess pulled her from her thoughts, but she was grateful that she had. As soon as Jane saw her daughter, a smile formed naturally on her lips, almost immediately. It was now dusky outside and Jess had been asleep all day. She still looked pale, but she looked a little more like her usual self.

Jess had seen the tears in Jane's eyes and the ponderous look on her face when she had walked into the room and she felt very concerned about her friend. She feared that she had done something to upset her natural mother, which was the very last thing that she wanted to do.

'Are you alright darling? Can I get you something to eat or drink?' Jane asked as she turned away from Jess briefly, wiping her eyes and ignoring Jess's question.

'Actually that would be quite nice; I only fancy something really light though,' Jess replied with a tired smile.

'How about a boiled egg and toasted soldiers? I always used to enjoy that when I wasn't well,' Jane said as she stood and went to walk out of the room, but was stopped by Jess, who gave her a tight and loving hug, which took Jane completely by surprise, but she enjoyed the sensation of enveloping her child in a loving embrace just the same.

'Thank you for taking such good care of me Janey, I really appreciate it,' Jess said and felt Jane squeeze her tighter, 'and whatever it is that's on your mind and has upset you, you can talk to me about it,' she added, which made Jane cry even more.

'We will talk about it once I've made you your eggs. Now, go have a seat and rest up, alright? I'll bring in some tea in a second,' Jane whispered, wiping her eyes, as she then kissed her daughter on the forehead and disappeared into the hall, leaving Jess looking and feeling slightly bewildered; however, she did as she was instructed and went to sit on the sofa. She waited patiently for Jane to come back through to her and felt very nervous about what it was Jane was going to say to her. Jane was also clearly nervous when she reappeared with a tea tray.

'Here you go Jess; I've added a little extra sugar to give you some more energy and I've just put two eggs on for you. How do you like them?'

'Soft please,' Jess replied as she took a hold of the large mug Jane gave her. 'Now are you going to tell me what's worrying you?' Jane hummed for a moment, but gave in to the look that Jess was giving her. She sat down beside her and smiled as Jess snuggled into her side.

'I got a call from Alex earlier; his trip has been cut short, which means that he's coming home sooner than expected,' she explained tearfully and felt Jess's head lift slightly from her shoulder.

'But I thought he wouldn't be back for ages yet; we've not even had any time together!' Jess said angrily, but she realised that it wasn't Jane's fault, who looked just as hurt and as upset as she did, if not more so.

'I know and I am sorry; truly I am, but there's nothing I can do about it I'm afraid.'

'I understand Janey; I know it's not your fault. It's just, well I was really starting to feel like we were getting somewhere. I like it just being you and me, with Lovejoy sometimes joining us.' Jess was so honest with her explanation, that it made Jane's heart skip and reconfirmed that what she had heard the other night, was truly how Jess felt. Jane clasped Jess's hands in hers as she tried to find her voice. 'So when is he home?'

'Tomorrow night I'm afraid.'

'Tomorrow?!' Jess was really upset and angry now, but tried desperately hard to conceal it. 'So where does that leave me exactly?'

'Well, I very much hope that you are still happy to go to Lovejoy's; I'm sure that Alexander won't be home for much more than a couple of weeks, he rarely is, and then we can move you back in.' Jane was frightened. Here she was, sat beside her daughter, someone that she thought she would never see again, let alone be having a conversation with. They'd worked so hard together to become friends and she loved her more than anyone else in the world; but now she felt sure that she was about to lose her.

'Have you spoken to Lovejoy yet?'

'Not yet; I wanted to tell you first and to discuss it with you. If you aren't comfortable with any of this, then please tell me; I'm not sure what I can do to help, but I will do whatever it takes Jess,' Jane said tearfully, clutching tightly onto Jess' hands.

'I know that Janey. I realise that you want me at Lovejoy's as little as I do, not that I don't want to go to Lovejoy's exactly, you know that I really like him and think a lot of him; it's just, I don't want to be separated from you.' Jess's words really touched Jane and she reached out to hold her daughter tightly.

'I do love you Jess, more than you will ever know and just because you are with Lovejoy, doesn't mean I won't be thinking of you. I will make sure that I get down to see you every day, I promise you that,' she said as she continued to hold Jess, who squeezed her tightly.

'I know you will Janey; besides, maybe it'll be a good thing, as Lovejoy can have the pleasure of teaching me all about antiques,' Jess joked trying to lighten the mood, which did put a small smile on Jane's face until she suddenly remembered something.

'Oh Heavens above, your eggs,' she said as she ran out of the room, making Jess laugh. There were a few minutes of silence before she reappeared sheepishly at the door. 'I rather hard boiled those ones I'm afraid, so I've put you on two more.' Both she and Jess laughed and in that moment, everything between them was as it had been before.

The next morning Jane phoned Lovejoy. She didn't explain what it was she wanted, but she didn't need to. As soon as she told him that she needed him, he was there in a heartbeat. Jane was a lot calmer than she had been the night before, but on his arrival, Lovejoy could still tell that she was nervous and uncomfortable.

'Oh Lovejoy, thank God you're here,' she said as she greeted him warmly.

'Is everything alright Janey?' He asked with concern.

'Yes and no, I suppose,' she replied despondently as she turned away from him.

'Where's Jess?' He asked as they walked into the living room.

'She's still asleep. This sickness bug has really taken it out of her, but I am glad to say that she's a lot better than she was the other night,' she said with a small smile.

'So what's happened?' He asked as he sat beside her on the sofa and watched as she poured them both some coffee.

'Alexander phoned last night; he's on his way home.'

'Oh,' came his only, saddened, reply.

'I broke the news to her shortly after he phoned.'

'Did she take it badly?'

'In a way she did, but not quite as I expected her too. She grew upset because she's afraid that she and I won't be able to spend as much time together as we've been used to. If you're still happy for her to do so, she still wants to stay with you until Alexander leaves again, that is something that she has no problem with,' Jane explained nervously.

'So what does she have a problem with?' Lovejoy asked cautiously, as he watched Jane wring her hands together.

'Well, Alexander of course. She still wants to meet him but she's still so angry with him, and I suppose with me too, that I worry what meeting him might achieve. What if he says something that upsets her? What if he recognises her or suspects something's going on? Lovejoy I've upset that poor girl enough, I can't bear to upset her anymore.' Jane began to cry.

'Shhh Janey it's alright,' he said softly as he held her tightly. 'We just need to think of a way for us to be able to take control of the situation. Have you had any thoughts about how you're going to introduce them?'

'No, not yet.'

'Well we'll think of something, something where we can keep control of the situation,' he said as he held her by the shoulders.

'Are you sure Lovejoy?' Jane asked as she sniffed.

'Honestly Janey, when have I ever let you down?' He replied as he used his thumbs to wipe away her tears from her cheeks.

'Not interrupting anything am I?' Jess asked as she joined them; she had clearly seen their actions and a part of her secretly hoped that there was something happening for her to interrupt.

'No, not at all Jess; I was just filling Lovejoy in.' Jane moved away from his grasp, realising how inappropriate their actions would have looked if anyone else had seen them.

'Oh, are you here to pick me up?' Jess' tone was full of sadness.

'Yes, but we don't have to go anywhere just yet. Alexander isn't home until tonight, so we still have several more hours.' He replied and watched as Jane smiled at the thought of having at least a few more hours of it just being the three of them. However, she still dreaded that moment she would have to say goodbye.

'Come on Jess, let's go and shoot some pool; we can see if you're as good as your mother here,' Lovejoy said as he guided Jess into the pool room, somewhere she hadn't been into yet.

The phrase about Jane being Jess' mother had slipped easily from his lips; they'd all noticed it, but both he and Jane were surprised to hear no correction from Jess.

'Can you really play Janey?' Jess asked as she grabbed a cue stick that was propped up against the wall.

'She can indeed Jess; better than many men I know. I told you before, she's not the Lady people would have you believe,' Lovejoy replied as he also grabbed a cue and Jane didn't respond, but giggled slightly.

She watched as Lovejoy set the table and as Jess then broke the set. She was a natural. Lovejoy looked up at Jess with dissatisfaction as he realised that she was just as good as Jane was, and certainly much better than he was. She pocketed a few balls before it was his turn. He was very impressed. He also pocketed a couple before he missed and then Jess handed the cue to Jane.

'Come on then Janey, let's see what you're capable of.'

Jane took up Jess' challenge and began potting balls. She smiled when she heard a small groan from Lovejoy's mouth. He followed her around the table and glanced at an impressed looking Jess.

'You have a remarkable shot Janey,' she said with glee.

'She has a remarkable ass too,' Lovejoy commented as Jane bent over the table to make her shot.

'Not an antique Lovejoy; well, not yet anyway,' she flirted, with a mischievous glint in her eye and the corners of her mouth twitched in response. She was about to make further comment when Mrs Cameron, wearing her usual disapproving look, came in.

'There's a telephone call for Mr Lovejoy your Ladyship, asking if he is here,' she said.

'Well you can see that he is here Mrs Cameron,' Jane replied with polite, restrained sternness.

'Very good Lady Felsham, it's just that I wasn't sure if he was here, officially.'

Jane didn't appreciate the tone Mrs Cameron was using with her, but knew better that to retaliate to her goading. She kept quiet, but flared her nostrils in annoyance, until Lovejoy spoke.

'Thank you Mrs C,' he said as he walked towards the door. He held it open for her, giving her no real option but to follow him. After a few moments, Jess then voiced one of her many concerns.

'She isn't going to tell Alexander about all this is she? I wouldn't like to cause you problems Janey.'

'You let me worry about Mrs Cameron; after all, it is my house and who I want to have stay in it is my decision. It isn't her business,' Jane replied sharply; perhaps, a little too sharply. She saw the look of hurt on Jess' face that her tone had caused and instantly felt guilty. 'I'm sorry Jess; I didn't mean to sound so blunt. I just want you to know, that no matter what happens…' she paused briefly, '…I love you, more than anything else in the world and I don't care about anyone else.' She then embraced Jess tightly.

'I love you too Janey,' Jess said as she held onto Jane tightly. She had no idea how much four little words had just affected Jane. Her heart felt like it was about to burst. Her daughter loved her and that meant more to her than anyone could possibly imagine. 'I don't want us to be separated. I've gotten used to our routine and I'm enjoying the life that we're building together,' Jess continued as a few stray tears fell down her cheek.

'We will still spend every day together, I promise you that. I'll tell Alexander that I've got an account that I'm working on. Are you sure that you still want to meet him?'

'Yeah, I'm sure; I'm not sure how to do it yet though. I know you're not comfortable with the idea, but I just want to meet him, even if it is only the once.'

'I am uncomfortable with the idea, but only because I don't want to cause you more pain. I know that you are a very strong, very independent young woman Jess, but you've been through so much already, that I don't want to put you through any more.'

'Thanks Janey.'

'But, if you really are certain about doing this, then Lovejoy and I will come up with something. We'll let you get settled in with him at his place first and then we'll think of how we are going to facilitate it.' At that moment, just as Jane was holding her daughter tightly and not wanting to let her go, Lovejoy returned to them with a broad smile and rubbing his hands together, making them smile brightly. Something had obviously happened to make him extra happy. 'Good news?'

'Oh just Tinker with some news about a piece of furniture he's found at an auction; a genuine Sheraton sideboard,' he replied with glee, which made the girls laugh slightly.

The three of them stayed together for the rest of that morning, playing pool and relaxing, until around three, when Jane went to help Jess collect her things. Lovejoy took Ellie and Toby down to his, along with their basket and food; when he returned it was time for the girls to say goodbye. It was a scene in reverse to Jess' arrival.

They all stood out on the gravel outside Felsham Hall, with Jane and Jess both trying to be brave and hold back their tears, whilst Lovejoy stood by Miriam. Mother and daughter were holding on tightly to each other, neither wanting to let go.

'Oh this is silly; I will be down to see you first thing in the morning Jess, I promise you, but the way I'm reacting anyone would think that I was never going to see you again,' Jane said as her eyes watered painfully.

'Well you did think that once, didn't you? But I promise Janey, I'm not going anywhere. I think it has taken me until now to realise it, but Felsham Hall is my home,' Jess whispered back, which made Jane smile. She kissed Jane on the cheek and gave her another tight squeeze.

'Go on, you'd better go; just make sure that he cooks you something proper for tea and that he doesn't just feed you take away. And remember, if you need me for anything, day or night, I'm just on the end of the phone, alright? Even if you just want to chat.' Jane found it hard to say goodbye. She felt as if it was the day the social worker came all over again, which she knew was silly. She knew that she was, of course, going to see Jess again, probably in a matter of hours; but it didn't stop the feelings beating hard within her, that were screaming "this is wrong". When she walked into the house again, it was quiet and she hated it.

She walked into her sitting room and glanced at her wedding photograph and for the first time, it didn't fill her with feelings of love and devotion; when she looked at it this time, she was filled with resentment and it shocked her to feel this way. She hated everything about this situation.

Jess hated it too. She felt frustrated as she dumped her things into Lovejoy's spare room and flopped onto the bed, which groaned slightly under her weight. She felt tired and her heart was heavy. It wasn't that she didn't want to be with Lovejoy, she loved him and appreciated his company. She felt like he was the father she never had, but it couldn't make up for the fact that he wasn't Jane.

A month ago Jess would never have guessed that she would have felt this way, but her heart ached to be with her birth mother, and as she leaned against the pillows, she wondered if Jane was thinking about her.

Of course the answer to that question was yes. Jane was trying to busy herself and distance herself from her negative feelings by taking the dogs for a walk, but without Jess and Toby for company, it just wasn't the same. She retired early to bed when she returned home, feeling lost and angry. She fell into a restless sleep until she was woken a couple of hours later.

'Hello darling,' Alexander whispered as he woke her.

'Alexander? What time is it?'

'It's almost half one. I would have been home sooner, but our flight was delayed.' He kissed her on the cheek before he then began to undress. She watched him silently and pretended to have fallen asleep again once he was in bed beside her.

The next morning she was first to wake. She turned to look at her clock and realised that it was only seven o'clock, but Alexander wouldn't be awake for hours yet and she couldn't bear to be separated from Jess any longer. She threw on a pair of old jeans and her yellow woolly jumper. She glanced at her reflection in her full-length mirror, laughing slightly at her bed hair. It reminded her of Jess and the many mornings she appeared with her hair in a mess. She took the brush from her dressing table and ran it loosely through her locks.

Ruthie and Monty were sleeping in the kitchen and looked confused to see her so early, but got excited when they saw her holding their leads. When she opened the back door, they immediately went to walk their usual route.

'No, no, this way you two,' she encouraged as she led them away from the backfields and towards the main road instead. Her wellies squelched as she walked down the wet, muddy lanes and she enjoyed the sounds of the birds tweeting in the trees and hedgerows.

It took her almost an hour to walk down to Lovejoy's cottage. He was still asleep, but, like her mother, Jess was awake early. She'd been awake since five. She'd thrown open the top half of the back door to the kitchen and had turned on the soft sounds of classic fm playing on the radio. The smell of eggs was in the air and the sudden sound of the kettle whistling pierced the calm.

'Morning Jess,' Jane said with a proud, motherly smile when she saw her daughter, who whipped round at the sound of Jane's voice.

'Janey!' She exclaimed with glee and practically threw herself at her as she walked in, wrapping her arms tightly around Jane. 'I feel so ridiculous, since we've only been separated for one night, but I've really missed you.'

'Don't worry darling, I've missed you too,' Jane whispered with delight. She was glad to see her daughter, but she was also glad to hear that she'd been missed.

'Won't Alexander wonder where you are?'

'Well he didn't get in until the early hours of the morning, so he won't be awake anytime soon.' Jane sat at the table as Jess poured hot water into two mugs for them. 'Did you sleep alright?'

'Sort of. I'm still feeling a bit crap after that bug, so I was in bed pretty early, but it just felt weird being in another bed, away from you and away from home,' Jess explained as she then joined Jane at the table.

As they sipped their morning coffee, Toby, who had been hard and fast asleep in the corner of the kitchen, suddenly shot up and out of his bed when he heard a couple of soft, playful barks from outside. Ruthie and Monty had stayed out in the garden, playing with a rope toy Jane had brought with her. Apparently, he had also missed his friends.

Jess was about to speak again, when Lovejoy then appeared, yawning loudly. He smiled as soon as he saw Jane, and there was that instant flash of love that he so often had when he saw her. Likewise, Jane wore the same look, which she quickly averted and glanced down at the table and onto the newspaper, which was spread out and on the jobs page. She scanned down the columns, but there was nothing more than advertisements for cleaners, housekeepers and a part-time sales assistant in one of the local shops.

'Lovejoy, you're never thinking of getting a job, are you? Earning a proper crust, is that the expression?' She teased.

'Janey!' He replied with a cheeky wink and they all gave a gentle laugh, which Jess interjected.

'It isn't Lovejoy who's been job hunting, I have,' she said and Jane was a little surprised.

'A job?'

'Yes; well I've decided that I want to start making Kinley feel more like home. My inheritance from Mum isn't going to last me long if I carry on and it wouldn't be fair to rely on you and Lovejoy; I want to be able to pay my way. So I thought I had better start job hunting,' Jess explained as Jane beamed at her daughter, her heart skipping several beats at Jess' words.

'Oh darling that really is wonderful!'

'Really? Thank God for that! I was afraid that you might find it a bit too much too soon, especially with Alexander arriving back and everything; I didn't want to do anything that would make you uncomfortable.'

'No Jess, I think it's perfect! This is how we can spend time together without anyone asking questions. I can't believe I never thought of it before; you can come and work for me as my apprentice. Alex wouldn't question us being together then and it wouldn't raise suspicion of anything. Also, if anyone then makes comment about you being up at the house, you've got good reason to be, as my employee!' Jane was so excited by her idea, and the look on Jess' face, that she felt she could explode; she now had a believable plan together and she would get to teach Jess at the same time. It was perfect!

'Really Janey? Would you do that for me?' Jess asked, both delighted and astounded by the suggestion.

'Yes of course. I would give you the world if I could.' Jane lovingly cupped Jess' cheek and still couldn't believe how much they had bonded in such a short time, it was as if twenty years had evaporated and nothing else existed but the now. 'So what do say?'

'I'd love to!'

The words were music to Jane's ears. Whilst she had been pregnant, and confined to Felsham Hall, she had thought a lot about her future; not just about her unborn child but about her career as well, which was really when she started Felsham Interiors. She'd had the idea, during that time, that if her baby was a girl then she'd make her part of the business. If Jess had have been a boy, he'd have gone to work with Alexander. So now, her dream was coming true.

'Well I think that's something to celebrate! Are you staying for breakfast Janey?' Lovejoy asked as he took out a frying pan.

'Absolutely, why not?'

He cooked them all eggs, bacon, sausages, beans and tomatoes. He made Jess her favourite, eggy bread and they sat and chatted happily. The dogs were still running around outside, occasionally barking happily.

'I can't believe we're going to work together Janey, although I don't know the first thing about interior design.' Jess was nervous. She wanted to work with Jane more than anything, but she was afraid that she might prove to be a disappointment. What if she wasn't good at interior design? Painting and art was one thing, but design was something else.

'Oh don't you worry about that, I'll teach you everything you need to know,' Jane said proudly.

They sat together and ate their breakfast, chatting animatedly about Jane's clients and about how they planned to approach Alexander. Jess was still adamant that she wanted to meet him, and now that she was to be Jane's apprentice, they had a more natural way of introducing them; but Jane wanted to wait until the right moment. Part of her was still hoping that Jess would change her mind.

'Right, I had better head back up to the house. I'm sure Alexander will be awake by now and will be wondering where I am.' Jane walked towards the kitchen door, grabbing the dogs' toys and their leashes again. 'I will telephone you tonight, but I will try to get down later, if I can get away,' she added as she gave Jess a hug and looked at Lovejoy from over her daughter's shoulder. 'Make sure you take good care of her Lovejoy.'

'I will Janey, I promise,' he said encouragingly, giving her a cheeky wink and holding onto Jess' shoulder.

Jane returned to Felsham Hall a lot slower than she had left it; her heart felt so heavy to be leaving Jess and she couldn't believe how much her life had changed in such a short space of time. She now felt so much love for Jess, than it felt to consume and overwhelm her and as she turned to walk through the gates of Felsham Hall, she felt her stomach lurch up into her chest and then sink lower than she could imagine. It didn't feel to have any comfort for her and even the sight of Alexander waiting in the sitting room, didn't provide her with much comfort.

'Hello darling, did you sleep well?' She asked as she placed a kiss to his cheek.

'I still feel rather jet lagged, but it'll pass in a few days I'm sure,' he replied.

'Have you had something to eat?'

'Yes, Mrs Cameron was here when I woke, so she made me something.' He was standing in front of the fireplace with his hands in his pockets, a habit that really annoyed Jane. 'Did you have a nice walk?'

'It was a very pleasant morning, so I took Ruthie and Monty further than I usually do.'

Mrs Cameron then brought tea and cakes in for them both and they chatted about some of the things that had been happening in Hong Kong. Alexander seemed most excited by them, Jane, wasn't as enthusiastic. Her mind kept wandering to the cottage down the road to her daughter, to their daughter, their only child. As she watched him, she wondered if he ever thought about Jess. She wondered if he had ever laid awake at night, asking himself where she was, if she was safe and if she knew that they even existed. These were all questions that Jane had asked herself since the night she'd handed her daughter over, but she doubted Alexander had ever given it a moment's thought and with that thought, she suddenly felt a pang of resentment towards the man in front of her.

'Jane?' He'd obviously been trying to get her attention for some time.

'I'm sorry darling, what were you saying?' She said as she gave him her attention again.

'I was just saying that this is a massive account which could make our investors millions and secure business for the bank for at least the next ten years. It's crucial that this dinner goes well, so that we can show Mr Summers the potential in us working together.'

'Hmmm…' she hummed in response, still not wholly listening to him. 'Wait, what dinner?'

'Honestly darling, have you listened to anything I've just said? Desmond Summers and his wife Beverly are coming to dinner, the day after tomorrow. They want to get to know me better, to know what I'm like and my family. If the dinner is a success and he likes what he sees, then he will give his account to us,' he explained. 'It's very important that we can prove to Mr Summers that we can support his business during this time of transition.'

'Hmmm...' Jane acknowledged again, but she wasn't really listening. Her mind was still very much back at Lovejoy's with her daughter and she just couldn't shake thought of her out of her mind.

'He's a very moral man, strong family connections are vitally important to him,' Alexander rattled on, but that last statement seemed to resonate with Jane.

'A family man is he? I see,' she scoffed, her fragile emotions starting to get the better of her.

'What's wrong?' Alexander replied in a tone that quickly matched her impatience.

'Nothing,' she said as she stormed from her position on the sofa to window, catching one of her large earrings with her hair, so she ripped out the other one too, before sitting in the bay window seat, starring out onto the gravel and front lawn. Alexander approached her and placed his hands on her shoulders, gently massaging her and rubbing her neck.

'I know that you've found these last few weeks difficult, I've been away...'

'Do you ever think about her?' She demanded absentmindedly, completely ignoring what it was he was about to say and interrupting him.

'What? Think about who?' He asked with frustrated confusion.

'Our daughter,' she said bluntly, tears in her eyes as she finally turned to look at him. She hadn't meant to say it, but she was hoping that now, after twenty years, they would be able to sit and talk about it properly. Poor Jess had never once been mentioned between them after the night she'd been taken away from them.

'Oh for God's sake Jane,' he replied, frustrated and pissed off. 'Why the hell are you bringing that up? We don't have a daughter. She belongs to some other couple and is of no concern of ours.'

Jane wanted to discuss Jess. She desperately wanted to tell him all about her and still, after all these years, had hoped that his attitude about their child had changed and that they could talk properly about her; but his reaction made it clear that that was never going to be the case. She turned back towards the window and ignored him as he poured himself a glass of whisky from its crystal decanter. He took several calming sips before he spoke again.

'I'm sorry darling. It's just that Desmond Summers is a massive client and it's a multi-million pound deal. Family is a very big deal to him and it's this very thing that could ruin it for me.' Once again everything was about him, not about her feelings or concern for Jess. 'That's why it's so very important that this dinner on Friday goes well. I want him to see that I have got the love and support of my gorgeous wife and show him that his account is in good hands.'

'I'm quite sure I'll manage to perform to your standards,' Jane replied irritability, before turning away from him again. She remained silent for the rest of the afternoon, choosing to return to her study to work on some portfolios. Occasionally she manged a few words on a report, but that was all she managed.

That night she didn't sleep at all. She counted down the seconds until she could be with Jess again. She never imagined that, after going through the daily pain of separation for twenty years, being separated for just a few short hours, in comparison, could cause her so much anguish, but the pain now felt almost worse. She'd gotten used to having her daughter in her life and seeing what her life could have been like. She now asked herself how she'd borne this pain for so long and how much longer she could hold it all in, now that that wound had been opened. The only good thing that her sleepless night gave her, was that Alexander's dinner had given her an idea of how to facilitate Jess' request to meet her biological father. The fact that Jess was now her apprentice and trainee, gave her the perfect reason to invite Jess and Lovejoy to dinner too.

Once again, Jane was up early, long before Alexander and almost before dawn. She was desperate to see Jess and to tell her of her idea, but Alexander's reaction the previous night had increased Jane's concerns. She'd really hoped that he might have felt differently after all this time and that Jess' introduction to him could have been as his daughter.

'Lady Jane you're up early,' Mrs Cameron said as Jane walked down the stairs, fully dressed and ready to head out.

'Yes, I've got a lot of work to do on an account. In fact I need to head to London for a few hours. Could you tell Lord Felsham when he wakes?'

'Of course your Ladyship,' the housekeeper replied.

Jane then grabbed her keys and trotted out to her car. Mrs Cameron watched as Jane left and thought it odd that Jane was going to work for a client; she wasn't dressed in her usual suits. In fact, she was wearing an outfit she hadn't worn in a long time.

She drove to Lovejoy's and hummed as she turned the corner, his cottage coming into view and she felt that desperate pang in her chest when she realised she was just metres from her daughter. No one was up yet, so when she opened the back door, she crept inside and found Jess' room. She gently opened the door, which creaked slightly as the light from the hall created a small pencil of light, which fell onto Jess' face. She was already stirring as Jane sat on the edge of the bed and brushed a curl from Jess' face.

'Jess,' she whispered lightly as the fog of sleep began to lift from the younger woman. Jess' eyes remained tightly shut, but sounds around her started to become clearer; she knew someone was calling her name.

'Mum is that you?' She asked sleepily, her eyes still closed.

Jane wasn't quite sure how to reply, whether or not it was her who Jess meant; 'Jess, it's Jane,' she whispered in response.

'What choo doin' 'ere?' Mumbled Jess as she tried to sit up, her accent much thicker than normal, giving her a distinctive London twang.

'Yes I'm sorry it's rather early, but I have so much news for you and an idea.' By now Jess was almost completely awake and excited to see Jane, even if it was a complete surprise. 'I've had an idea about how you can meet Alexander, but it's quite soon I'm afraid, maybe too soon, it's tomorrow in fact.' Jess wasn't quite sure what it was Jane was referring to, but at this stage Jane had Jess' full attention.

'So what idea have you had?'

'Well Alexander is working on some big corporate deal and he's struggling to get the final signature to authorise it from his client; so he's asked Mr Summers round for dinner. Alexander is keen to show Mr Summers that his account would be in safe hands, but I thought about asking you and Lovejoy to attend. That way I can introduce you as my new apprentice and to Alexander and both Lovejoy and I will be there to support you, if you need it.'

'Jane, I don't know what to say,' Jess replied in disbelief, but the look on her face made Jane fear she'd overstepped the mark.

'I'm sorry if it's all a bit too much for you…'

'No, no, it's not that at all; it's perfect! I just hadn't intended it to be so soon,' she smiled encouragingly. 'I haven't anything to wear though that would be suitable, even if I went back home I wouldn't have anything.'

'Well that's one of the reasons I came round so early. I thought I could take you down to London and we could go shopping together.'

'That would be really nice.' Jess' smile broadened further.

'I always dreamed of having a daughter I could do that with.' The comment had slipped from Jane's lips before she'd realised it. Although she felt so comfortable to call Jess her daughter, she knew that that wasn't what Jess wanted, and she feared that every time she let it slip, that it might offend Jess. However, Jess didn't mind the comment or the thought; something was changing inside her.

'Mum was always too ill to take me shopping. She tried once or twice, and occasionally we'd have a pamper day maybe, but it always felt sad because we were counting down really,' she explained sadly. She was trying to say that she was glad to have a mum she could go shopping with, but she still couldn't quite bring herself to say it in those exact words. Jane grabbed a hold of her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze when they both heard a knock on the door. Lovejoy walked in yawning, dressed only in his white t-shirt and black boxer shorts.

'Morning Janey, I thought I heard voices,' he said in between his yawn, making Jess giggle.

'Sorry if I disturbed you Lovejoy, but I'm taking Jess out for the day. We're going down to London for a few hours to get some things,' Jane explained as she then stood from the bed. 'I'll let you get ready whilst I fill Lovejoy in on the details.' She then led Lovejoy out of the room and downstairs to the kitchen.

Lovejoy made them both some coffee, whilst Jane explained everything that had happened with Alexander. He was just as furious as she was and Jane really appreciated having his support. She was glad that he felt so paternally towards Jess, she deserved a strong father figure in her life, one she wouldn't get from Alexander.

'It'll be nice for the two of you to spend some time together. She's been fretting ever since she left Felsham Hall that you wouldn't be able to, now that Alexander is back.'

'Well I intend to spend as much time with her as I can, regardless of what Alexander is going to do whilst he is home, for however long that's going to be.'

Lovejoy noticed the distinct sound of distain in Jane's voice regarding her husband, something more than just anger. It was clear that the love and protection she felt for her daughter, far outweighed her feelings for her husband, and Lovejoy knew that if Alexander wasn't careful, he was about to lose his wife. He wasn't exactly sure how he felt about that, since he really loved and adored Janey more than anyone could possibly know, nothing would delight him more than to have a chance to show that to her, but he also knew that Jane would be devastated by the loss of her marriage should anything happen.

'Right I'm ready to go!' Jess said as she trotted down the stairs, a beaming smile on her face and a giddy Toby at her heels. 'Do you mind looking after Toby whilst I'm away Lovejoy?'

'Not at all Jess,' Lovejoy replied as he stooped down and petted Toby between the ears. It was clear that Lovejoy had made a friend of the little dog since their first meeting.

'Thanks,' she said as she kissed him on the cheek and threw her arms around his neck in a tight embrace, and Jane smiled as she watched them together and thought about how much it really looked like a father and daughter saying goodbye to each other.

Jane and Jess chatted excitedly all the way to London, with Jess explaining to Jane all the usual shops she used to visit. Eventually, they arrived in London, and Jane smiled at her daughter as she parked. Jess was so excited to be able to spend this time with Jane. She knew that this would be just the thing that they needed to seal their bond.

'So where would you like to go first?' Jane asked as she grabbed her bag from the back seat of the car and Jess hopped out of the passenger seat.

'Can we go to the market? It's my usual haunt and they've usually got some great stuff.'

'I've never been to Camden Market before.'

'What, never?!'

Jane shook her head and Jess smiled. She knew Camden almost better than anywhere else in London; she enjoyed the backstreet stalls and the food market, there were even a few antiques to be had in the basement of the old stables. It was definitely the sort of place that Jane had never experienced before. She found herself surrounded by all sorts of people, hippies and goths mainly, all in either bright colours or black respectively.

Jess led Jane into the market first, which was filled with hooded tops, bags, bangles and other sparkly jewellery. Jane was enjoying their leisurely walk and found Jess' bubbly excitement infectious. Most of the stallholders seemed to know exactly who Jess was, which amused Jane.

'You come here a lot do you?' Jane joked.

'Pretty much every weekend,' Jess smirked.

After purchasing more tie-dyed tops and odd pieces of jewellery, Jess led Jane towards the food market. The aroma was tantalising, with mouth-watering dishes on display, definitely not Jane's usual.

'I don't know about you Janey but I'm starving!' Jess exclaimed over the sizzling sound of fresh cooking, with her arm threaded through Jane's. 'We can either eat here or go somewhere else.'

'I think here looks wonderful!'

'Really? Because it isn't exactly what you're used to you know.'

'I know the voice, the clothes and the name are deceptive Jess, but I'm not as posh as you think. Give me the choice between this and a seven course banquet and this will win every time.' Jane smiled broadly, which was matched by her daughter, who had been feeling a little unnerved that Jane might have found all this a bit too much to deal with. 'So where do you recommend?'

Jess showed Jane around each stall. There were several Chinese and Cantonese stalls, Indian, Mexican and Jamaican too. Eventually they settled on an Indian stall and sat on a bench outside, by Camden Locks, with their silver trays of food. The sun was beating down on them, and even though they were surrounded by people, they felt as if they were the only ones there.

'Shall we have a look at the antique stalls next?' Jane asked once they'd finished and Jess led her deeper into the depths of the market.

As they entered the bottom floor of the Old Stables, a familiar scent hit Jane's nostrils. It was a scent that she experienced almost every day at the auctions with Lovejoy, and as she thought about him, she felt her heart jump. She knew it was wrong to think or feel such things, she was a married woman and despite her strained feelings for Alexander, at the moment, she was his wife for better or worse. But, at the same time, she couldn't deny what a God send Lovejoy had been with Jess.

As they walked past several stalls of tat, disguised as valuable antiques, Jane was amazed to see, not only how much interest Jess was taking in the items, but how much she had learnt from Lovejoy in such a short space of time.

'Hey Janey look at this!' Jess exclaimed as she flipped a gold pocket watch over in her hands. 'It's a genuine Samuel Pemberton.'

'Really? How can you tell?' Jane asked as she went to take a closer look.

'Easily, well, if you know what you're looking for; look at these markings on the back. Pemberton made those on his later pieces, and they're exactly one millimetre from the base of the latch release. The design on the front is also clearly the work he did ten years prior to his death, because it is intricate and ornate but not garish.'

'Jess, how on earth...'

'Lovejoy taught me the other day.' She had that same excited glint in her eye that Lovejoy gets when he has found something of value, and it amused Jane to think of Jess as being like Lovejoy and she wondered if this is what Jess would have been like had Lovejoy been her father.

Jane watched as Jess took the watch to the stallholder and smiled at the look of pure delight on Jess' face when she returned.

'He was wanting eighty for it, but I haggled him down to fifty-five. I reckon Lovejoy can sell it for at least twice that.'

'You really have learnt a lot from him haven't you?'

'Yes I have, and I really want to know more too. I love the craftsmanship of the pieces and I appreciate the work that it has taken to create that piece, whereas most of this lot don't care about the value of a piece, just its price tag.'

'You know something Jess, for someone so young you've got a very wise head on your shoulders,' Jane said as she led Jess back out onto the bustling, noisy Camden streets, and noticed Jess give a special smile. 'What is it?'

'Mum used to say that about me all the time.'

It was a simple statement but it had really touched Jane. She realised that Jess had been through so much in her relatively short life and had dealt with things most adults couldn't have coped with, so it was no wonder that she had such a wise head.

With their purchases in hand they headed back to Jane's car. They were both pleasantly exhausted after their day's shopping and began the two-hour journey home. However, just as they were heading out of Camden Jess made a request.

'Do you mind if I take us on a little detour first?'

'No not at all Jess, anything you want.' So Jane followed the directions Jess gave her, although she didn't yet divulge where it was that they were going. However, the atmosphere between them had become a little tenser, so Jane knew that it was important to Jess, so she didn't need to know where she was going, she just wanted to make her daughter happy.

'There's parking just here on the left Janey,' Jess said after a while, as she led Jane down a very quiet street with old houses on one side and a high wall on the other.

As they got out and Jane went to buy a parking ticket, Jess walked across the road to a florist's stand and purchased a small bunch of sunflowers, and Jane realised where it was that Jess was going.

'Do you want to be alone?' She asked her.

'No, I want you to come with me,' came the simple reply as Jess took hold of Jane's hand and led her through the ornate gates and into the old cemetery.

It didn't take long for Jess to lead Jane passed the centuries old standing stones until they reached the newer stones. Jess had walked this path so often in fifteen years that her feet did it automatically, as she walked towards the back of the cemetery to the far corner by the back wall, where a tall black granite headstone was placed, with bold gold writing. As they approached it, Jane dropped Jess' hand, and allowed her to approach the grave herself, out of respect for Jess and her family.

'Hi Mum, hi Dad,' Jess said softly as she felt tears spring to her eyes. 'I'm sorry I haven't been to see you in a while.' She placed the sunflowers on top of the grave and then turned to Jane, who took a couple of steps forward and looped her arm through hers. 'This is Jane…she's my biological mum.'

Again, Jess had made such a simple statement, but it was one that had a profound effect on Jane. This gesture was massive from Jess, and Jane knew that it had taken her a lot of courage to come to the graveside of her parents and to tell them that, but it was the final gesture that Jess needed to do to show Jane that she had truly accepted her biological mother into her life.


	11. Chapter 11

After the emotional scene at the cemetery, things between Jane and Jess were perfect. Jess's visit to her mum and dad had put to rest a lot of demons she had and she had also realised when doing it, that she had finally accepted Jane into her life, and all the guilt that she had felt, yet had never verbalised, had dissipated. For the first time in months she felt free.

However, in their exhaustion from shopping and the emotional reunion, the girls had forgotten to get Jess a nice dress for the big dinner. But Jane had calmly come up with the solution, and whilst Alexander was out playing golf with his client, Jane took Jess into her bedroom and rifled through her wardrobe.

'I've been meaning to do this for ages. I haven't worn some of these dresses for years, and it seems a waste to have them sitting there doing nothing,' she said as she pulled several out and placed them on the bed beside Jess. 'Have a look and see if there's any you like, and feel free to try any on.'

Jess smiled at the sight of some of the dresses, noting the sparkly sequins on a floor length black dress, the frill on a long purple strapless dress, and the monochromatic, figure hugging dress that Jane now held in her hands. It was slightly shorter than the others, but still very modest. It was backless, white with black roses detailed on the sides, with black trim on the bottom.

'I love the purple one Janey,' Jess said as she held it up against Jane's chest and imagined her in it, 'I bet you look smashing in this one.'

'I used to love this dress,' Jane took the dress and walked over to the mirror to admire her reflection. 'It was one of my favourites many years ago. Do you know, I think this was the dress I wore when I first met Lovejoy? I remember that day as if it was yesterday. I was hosting some party or other, probably something for Alexander, but about an hour before anyone else arrived someone came to my door. It was Lovejoy. Someone had phoned me up to enquire about a box that I was supposedly after, but I knew nothing about it; so I made some inquiries and found out that Eric had put the advert into the paper for Lovejoy. I thought it was quite amusing myself, but I wanted to meet the man who had the gall to pull such a trick. So I invited him up to the house, and there he was, bold as brass wearing wellies, which he of course joked about when I answered the door in this.'

Jess loved hearing the story of how Jane and Lovejoy met, even though he had told it to her over a month ago, she enjoyed hearing and seeing the love that went with the memory, something that they both had when they talked about it.

'He ended up getting arrested if I remember correctly,' she continued, 'and Alexander was the JP on his case. He wasn't best pleased when he discovered that Lovejoy had phoned me and asked for the bail money.' Jane laughed at the memory. 'I should have known being friends with Lovejoy was going be trouble back then,' she laughed, she wasn't angry at all, and Jess knew that.

'Why don't you try it on Janey? Go on, I want to see what you look like in it.'

'Oh I don't know Jess; I doubt I'd even fit…'

'Aw please Janey?'

'Oh alright then,' Janey replied with an excited, mischievous look, before disappearing into her dressing room. She wasn't gone long before she reappeared and Jess' jaw dropped.

'Wow Janey you look stunning!' She exclaimed.

'Would you mind zipping me up?' She asked as she turned round and moved her hair from her back and Jess zipped it. 'I can't believe it still fits after ten years.'

'Honestly Janey you look amazing; no wonder Lovejoy fell in love with you when he saw you in it.' Oops, she hadn't meant to say that, it had just slipped out, but Jane didn't seem put out by it, nor did she deny it.

'You know Jess, despite what anyone thinks, nothing has ever happened between myself and Lovejoy, nor is anything ever going to happen; regardless of how he or I feel, I'm married and have a very different life, it would never work.'

Jess wasn't convinced by Jane's argument and felt as if her explanation was more for her own benefit that hers. But, at least she knew one thing, Jane did love Lovejoy as much as he loved her. Even though neither of them had admitted it, what they weren't saying was far more powerful than what they were saying.

'Do you think he'd remember this dress Janey?'

'I don't know, maybe. Perhaps I should wear it tonight instead of the green one I had originally planned, see if he says anything.' Jane looked so excited by that thought, and Jess found it amusing that someone who had just said that nothing was ever going to happen between her and Lovejoy, she was thinking about wearing a dress for the benefit of a man not her husband. 'So, in that case, which one are going to choose Jess?'

'Well, believe it or not, I really like this monochromatic one.'

'Well, go try it on, make sure it fits you.'

So Jess did just that, and when she came out, she nearly stole Jane's breath away. She was the spitting image of her mother, especially since she had her long auburn hair flung over one shoulder, in waves cascading down her neck. And it was at that moment that a gentle knock came to the door and in walked Lovejoy, who stood looking at Jess like a proud father. Thankfully Jane had changed back into her jeans and jumper whilst Jess had been changing, so their surprise was still just that.

'Good God Jess, you look stunning! She's the absolute image of you Janey,' he gushed, stunned by just how much like Jane she looked, and Jane smiled with pride, whilst Jess hid her face in embarrassment.

'Thank you,' she mumbled as she then went to check her reflection in the mirror and was stunned to see that Lovejoy was right. And as she admired her reflection, Lovejoy came up behind her and placed a necklace round her neck.

'After you mentioned that you were coming up here to look for a dress, I remembered that I had this in the shop,' he explained as he fiddled with the clasp. 'It's from the 20s. I got it in a house clearance a couple of years ago.' He finally got the fine chain together and stood back to gauge Jess' reaction.

She was bowled over by the intricate design on the pendant, a gold heart with silver roses surrounding a pearl centre, and couldn't believe he'd lend her something so valuable.

'Lovejoy, I can't borrow this; suppose I lose it or break it!'

'It's given, not lent Jess, and you deserve it. You did great with that watch yesterday; I just sold it to Dandy Jack for two-hundred and sixty-five pounds!'

'Are you serious Lovejoy? That's amazing!'

'It sure is kid, meaning that I want you to have that.'

'Lovejoy, I don't know what to say,' she said as she threw her arms around him in a tight hug. 'Thank you.'

'You're very welcome Jess. Now go get changed and I'll take you back to mine before Alexander gets home.'

Jess disappeared happily into the dressing room, whilst Jane and Lovejoy sat on the bed. Jane gave him a knowing look, which he tried to avoid, but knew he couldn't.

'That wasn't the necklace you got from a house clearance; I remember you got that necklace after your mother died. It was your grandmother's,' she said.

'I know that, but I wanted Jess to have it. She's something special, so I wanted to give her something special. I've been hanging onto it for a long time, wanting to find someone special to give it to, and now I have.'

'Oh Lovejoy, that's the sweetest thing I think you've ever done,' Jane replied as she glanced lovingly into his eyes, he gazed back of course, and she placed a gentle kiss to his cheek, but he lingered for a few moments just millimetres from her lips, just as Jess came back in, making them pull quickly apart.

'Right, are you ready to hit the road toots?' He asked in his best American voice.

'I sure am Sam,' she replied cheekily.

'You know that film too?' Lovejoy sounded surprised.

'It's one of my faves,' beamed Jess.

Jane smiled as she said goodbye to her friend and daughter, and watched them talking animatedly about the film. They got on so well together and had such similar tastes, Jane could quite easily, and quite happily, forget who her real father was. Speaking of which, it wasn't too much longer before Alexander arrived home, in good spirits with a silly smile that oozed confidence that he had nailed the deal, the dinner was going to be the final deal clincher.

'Did you have a good day?' Jane asked, not particularly interested.

'It was great. I haven't played in a long time, but it gave us a good chance to talk about the deal and he is very much looking forward to meeting you; but I was a bit concerned that I wouldn't come across as enough of a family man for him, so I've invited Levinia to dinner too.'

'Levinia?!' Jane exclaimed. Levinia was their rather spoilt niece, one of Alexander's brother's daughters, who Jane had had the rather unpleasant task of babysitting many times when she was growing up.

'She's been saying that she hasn't seen enough of us lately, so I thought that it would kill two birds with one stone, and would create the perfect family feeling that Summers is looking for.'

'Well, if it's family Summers is looking for, it's just as well that I have invited Lovejoy and his niece to dinner as well,' she replied, although her tone conveyed some ill-feeling and annoyance.

'Lovejoy?! Darling he really isn't a suitable dinner guest. I know that he is your friend and supposed business partner, but Summers is a massive client and I can't risk losing his contract, just because you've invited Lovejoy!'

'Alexander that is hardly fair! Lovejoy might be a little rough around the edges, but he is a good man, better than most we know and I have decided to take Jess on as an apprentice, so he and his niece are the perfect dinner guests!' She retorted sharply, before disappearing into her dressing room, slamming the door behind her and locking it.

She looked at herself in the mirror and cursed herself for her outburst. Tonight was going to be much harder than she thought to keep her emotions under control. She had to convince herself that she wasn't Jess' mother, but that was easier said than done.

She and Alexander barely spoke until their guests began arriving, and she put the demeanour that everything was alright, and acted as the dutiful and loving wife that Alexander was trying to present her as. Mr Summers and his wife were the first to arrive and Jane fixed them both with drinks, then Levinia arrived. She had changed a little since Jane had last seen her. She was slightly taller and her red hair was slightly longer, although she had it tied up, which made her long face look even longer; the dress she was wearing also wasn't particularly complimentary to her figure, since it hung relatively loosely on her far too skinny frame. She had hugged Jane on her arrival and tried to talk to her all about her studies, but Jane wasn't listening. She was looking out of the window and hoping that Jess would arrive soon, and worried when they were late.

'I should have known Lovejoy would be late,' Alexander muttered in annoyance, and Jane didn't even attempt to reply. She ignored him and drew her attentions back to the window.

When she finally saw Jess' car coming up the drive she was delighted and relieved. She didn't even properly excuse herself from Levinia, who looked most aggrieved at her aunt for walking away from her, just as she was explaining about how amazing everyone thought she was at university. Jane hadn't been listening anyway, she'd only been standing by the window talking to Levinia so that she could keep an eye out for her daughter and pass the time, and when the car finally pulled up, Jane rushed out to meet them; however, with Alexander and Levinia watching from the sitting room, she couldn't quite greet them the way she would have liked to.

'Darling you look an absolute picture! You're stunning,' Jane said as she gave her daughter a brief squeeze and led them inside. And indeed Jess did look amazing. She'd gone into Kinley to have her hair done properly, so that it was pinned up with long curls cascading down her shoulders, with silver and gold flower clips in her hair. And unlike her cousin, her makeup was minimal, just the right amount to give her some colour, with a light dusting of dark eyeshadow that gave her a sultry look, and deep red lipstick that complimented the look to make her look like a 50s star.

'Do I really look alright? I feel like a dog's dinner in it, I'm sure I can't be doing your dress justice Janey,' Jess worried.

'You don't look like a dog's dinner, don't be so hard on yourself,' Jane whispered. 'Ah Mrs Cameron would you take Lovejoy's and Miss Carter's coats please.'

The housekeeper looked at Jess with amazement, taking in just how stunning she looked, although she could see that the young woman looked concerned and uncomfortable.

'My, my Miss Carter, you do indeed make a pretty picture.' Jess was shocked by the genuine compliment from the usually spiky housekeeper, who took Jess's coat without the usual glare of disapproval.

'Now, before we go in, I must warn you that Alexander has invited his niece, Levinia, to dinner. She's rather highly strung I'm afraid, but just be yourself, no matter what.'

'I'll do my best,' Jess whispered nervously.

'And don't forget, Janey and I will be right here with you...'

'That's right, if it gets too much for you just tell me, I won't think bad of you if you need to.'

'Darling what are you doing?' Alexander said from the living room as he placed his empty drink's glass on the side for Mrs Cameron to pick up, and then joined his wife in the hallway, coming face to face, unbeknown to him, with his daughter.

Jess was speechless and felt a sudden wave of heat overcome her; her throat went dry and felt sharp, like barbed wire prickling at her. She never thought that she would feel so overwhelmed at meeting him, since meeting Jane, or even seeing her, never once felt like this. She felt sick and light headed and had no idea how to react. She could see him looking at her and vaguely heard Jane giving some sort of introduction, but everything to Jess now sounded distorted, as if everything had been slowed down, and for the first time, she felt as if all of her strength and determination had been sapped from her.

'Excuse me…' she barely mumbled before rushing away to the nearest bathroom, leaving Alexander in total shock at this sudden rudeness, as he saw it; but neither Jane nor Lovejoy saw it as rude, and Lovejoy instantly went after her. Jane tried to follow, but felt Alexander's hand grab her wrist.

'Leave him to deal with it darling,' he said as he tried to pull her into the living room.

'I will not leave him to deal with it!' She responded sharply, wriggling her wrist free from his grasp.

'Jane, what is the matter with you? She's not your problem, she's Lovejoy's; now come inside and talk to our guests and leave Lovejoy and his niece to talk. I'm not unsympathetic, but obviously something has upset her and he is the only one who is going to be able to deal with it; there's nothing you can do.'

'Of course there's something I can do Alexander!' And making that her parting comment, she walked abruptly away from him, with her fist clenched in anger. As soon as she was out of Alexander's sight, she ran down the corridor to the downstairs toilet near the back of the house. She didn't need to go too far before she could hear Lovejoy's low, calming voice talking to Jess.

'Come on Jess, take some nice deep breaths for me, in…and then out,' he said as he inhaled and exhaled with Jess, trying to calm her down as she sat on the lid of the toilet. Her face looked flushed, although she didn't appear to be too clammy, but she was visibly quivering, and breathing in quick, shallow breaths.

'Oh my God Jess!' Jane said softly, but tearfully, with her hand covering her mouth as she tried to stop herself from crying. She knelt beside her and softly stroked her hair, soothing her gently. Her own heart was racing, and seeing her baby in this state panicked her, but she knew that she couldn't panic herself. However, having Lovejoy there for comfort and support was all she needed to remain strong.

Eventually Jess began to calm down and her breaths began to even out. She was no longer quivering, but her colour was still a bit peaky. She looked shocked and felt exhausted, but she was glad to have her mum and Lovejoy there with her for support, but as she came round more, she began to feel ashamed and guilty.

'I'm sorry. I don't know what the hell is wrong with me; I just didn't expect to feel so overwhelmed when I saw him,' she said.

'Darling don't you be sorry. It's me who should be sorry. I should have known that it'd all be too much for you, I should never have agreed to this, I should never have suggested it,' Jane said as she tried to stop herself from crying.

'Come on Jess, let's get you home,' Lovejoy encouraged as he stood up and offered his hand to help Jess up, but was shocked to see her shaking her head.

'No, I came here to meet Alexander, and that's what I intend to do!'

'Jess I don't think that's a good idea…' Jane began to say.

'Yes it is. I want to look him in the eyes, the man who basically took me away from my mother,' Jess replied as she took a hold of Jane's hand and looked at her. 'Because of Alexander you missed out on twenty years of a having a child. If it wasn't for him being a bastard I'd have had a dad, I wouldn't be going through the emotional ringer of losing my mum and gaining another one, but feeling like I lost my parents twice, and if it wasn't for him, I wouldn't be stuck in this fucking toilet!' She shouted, and Jane was taken aback, Jess had never sworn in front of Jane, ever. 'I'm sorry Janey, I didn't mean to swear in front of you. It's just that this situation frustrates the hell out of me sometimes. I'm tired of hiding who I am, I am tired of hiding away from you and of us being separated; I'm tired of feeling like I'm an outsider to my own life. We have such lovely times together Janey, and sometimes I get a glimpse of what our life would have been like if things had been different and hurts me, to think that we're playing catch up all the time. Sometimes I lay at night and I realise that there's things about me that you don't know. Like the fact that I'm allergic to strawberries, even though I love them, they make me sick and bring me out in a rash. When I was eight I fell out a tree and broke my leg; when I was twelve I fell of my bike and broke my arm. There's so much about me that you don't know, but you're my mum and you should know this stuff and it hurts me…'

'Jess, my darling, I am so sorry. You have no idea how much it hurts me every day, to know that I have failed you as a mother, that I was the one who made the decision to choose him over you and I can't even begin to tell you how much I regret that decision, and how much I regretted it every second since the moment I gave you to someone else. It didn't matter how much I yearned for children after that, because I only ever wanted you.'

Jane and Jess hugged tightly, both on the verge of tears and both squashing Lovejoy uncomfortably, for which they apologised sheepishly, but he wrapped them both in a tight hug and kissed Jess on the forehead and then went to kiss Jane's, which was a little softer, and lingered for just a second or two longer.

'Right, come on you two, let's get this over and done with before I chicken out.'

By the time they re-joined the party, everyone was already sat to the table. Jane sat at the end of the table, with Jess to her right opposite Levinia, whereas Lovejoy was placed at the other end of the table, near to Alexander.

'I thought I'd placed Lovejoy up here darling,' Jane enquired casually, knowing that Alexander moved him deliberately.

'Yes darling, you did, but I thought it'd be nicer for Levinia at Lovejoy's niece to sit near each other beside you. I know what you women are like for wanting to gossip,' he joked in reply, extracting a small chuckle from Mr Summers, but a slight glare from his wife.

'Your niece was just telling us about her studies Lady Felsham, sounds like she's going to be quite the accountant,' Mr Summers said, to a very proud looking Levinia. 'Your uncle had better watch his step.'

'It would be a privilege to work for Uncle Alexander one day Mr Summers. It is he who has taught me most of what I know. I used to spend a lot of time here over the summer holidays as a child, so if it wasn't Uncle Alexander teaching me how to crunch numbers, it was Auntie Jane teaching me how to paint.'

Jess could feel her skin crawling as she listened to Levinia gush about her happy childhood with the Felshams, but she tried her best to ignore it, but Mr Summer's next questioned made her heart stop.

'But you don't have any children of your own Lord Felsham?' He asked casually, and for a moment, there was deathly silence between Lovejoy, Jane and Jess. Alexander could see that Jane was uncomfortable, and after the way she had been acting lately, he didn't really want this subject to linger for too long.

'No, sadly we don't; we wanted them, but it just never seemed to happen for us. I guess it was just one of those things,' he replied quickly.

'Oh that is sad for you both. Having my children was the best thing that ever happened to me. We have two, Alistair and Charlie, much older than you two girls. But it must have been nice for you to have your niece here with you, you seem like a lovely girl Levinia dear,' Mrs Summers said.

'Well, as I say, I was here a lot during my childhood. Uncle Alex and Aunt Jane have been like second parents to me.'

Jess could see her knuckles turning white as she gripped the handles of her knife and fork and didn't let up when Jane gently placed her hand over hers in an attempt to comfort her daughter. Jane was about to try to say something to divert the conversation, when Levinia decided to address Jess directly.

'And what is it exactly that you do Miss Carter,' she said in her very fake, high pitched clipped tones. 'Are you studying somewhere?'

'No, I'm not studying, but I am an artist,' Jess replied simply and quietly.

'Oh really? What do you paint?' Levinia replied.

'Landscapes.'

'Do you ever paint any portraits?' Mrs Summers asked.

'No I don't I'm afraid, although it is something I would love to get into.'

'I shouldn't think that art would pay particularly well, do you have another job?' Levinia goaded.

'I've actually just taken Jess on as my apprentice,' Jane interrupted.

'Oh that is lovely for you both,' Mrs Summers said.

'Yes, I'm really looking forward to working with Janey, and I think she'll teach me a lot,' Jess replied with a brief smile to Jane, but Levinia's goading was really starting to get to Jess.

'I'm certain Lady Felsham,' she said with particular emphasis on Jane's title, 'will be able to teach you a lot, even someone with no formal qualifications or training. I had initially intended to follow in Auntie Jane's footsteps myself, but discovered that I had more of an aptitude for numbers than art.'

Levinia's voice was really starting to get to Jess, and everything that she was saying, but it was what Alexander said next that really got to her.

'Yes, I'm greatful that I could show her the true direction to go into; not that there's anything wrong with art you understand, but Da Vinci and Picasso certainly never had anything to fear. I do, however, still have a painting that she made for me one father's day when she was five. Levinia has been more like a daughter to me than a niece.'

His words really crushed Jess because she knew that she and Levinia were the same age, meaning that the year she lost her dad, was the year that this bint was giving her biological father pictures that she should have been giving him. It should have been her spending her summers in this house and have Alexander show her how to crunch numbers. And with that thought she just couldn't take any more.

'I'm sorry, but will you excuse me for a moment. Janey, do you mind if I use your bathroom?' She asked.

'Of course,' Jane replied and watched as Jess disappeared out. She made the decision to wait for five minutes, and if Jess didn't return, then she would go looking for her; she just hoped that she was wrong and that Jess had genuinely gone to the bathroom. But, of course, Jess hadn't gone to the bathroom. She had gone to find a quiet place to be by herself and to think about what she wanted. 'Will you also excuse me; I just want to make sure that Jess is alright.'

She left the table, regardless of whether or not anyone thought it alright, and even when Alexander followed her out, she still pursued her daughter unperturbed.

'Jane, what is the matter with you?' He asked sternly.

'That poor girl has lost everything lately Alexander, is it any wonder she is upset when we are sat around talking about your niece's childhood with us, and about how wonderful Levinia is; Jess has single handily cared for her dying mother since she was fifteen, she lost her father when she was young and found out things about herself that even I can't comprehend. You have done nothing to make her feel welcome tonight Alexander, and this situation is entirely your fault…' she said angrily in the hallway, just as Lovejoy joined her, which interrupted exactly what she wanted to say to him, what she had waited twenty years to say.

'It's OK Janey, you go back to your guests, I'll find her,' Lovejoy said, but Jane was close to being inconsolable.

'No Lovejoy, I want to find her. Alexander, you go back to your precious guests. This is your dinner after all, but that's it, I'm done!' She said as she stormed off. She went upstairs to see if Jess had run up there, but there was no sign of her in any of the bedrooms or bathrooms. Lovejoy decided to look outside for her. He went out the front of the house first and walked a short while down the road, knowing that if she was walking on foot, she couldn't have gone too far in her dress and heels, but with no sign of her, he began to walk back towards Felsham House.

He decided to go round the back in case she had gone into the back garden, and he eventually found her sat on the steps beside the stables, feeding the horses some carrots. She was in floods of tears and it broke his heart to see her so distressed. He instantly went to her and sat down, placing an arm around her shoulders, and she allowed her head to rest against his shoulder, where she began to release a fresh wave of sobs. He allowed her to cry for a while, reminding him of the first night after they had met and after her row with Jane and he allowed himself a small smile.

'I'm sorry Lovejoy, I didn't mean to disappear on you, but I just couldn't handle being in that house with that girl any longer.' Lovejoy chose not yet to reply, but waited for her to speak further. 'I hate this stupid arrangement, I hate "Miss Goody two shoes" in there and I hate Alexander for putting us in this mess!'

'What about Janey? She's worried that she's the one who's hurt you the most.'

'I love Janey, I don't blame her, not really,' Jess was much calmer now. 'I just wish that it was just me, her and you; I wish you were my dad Lovejoy, you would never hurt me the way he has.'

'I know Jess, I wish you'd been mine and Janey's too, but if it makes you feel better, I have found myself thinking of you more and more as if you were my own daughter.' He lightly kissed her on the forehead and his words meant so much to her. 'Come on, we better get you back inside, Jane is frantic with worry.'

'Is mum terribly cross with me?' It had barely registered with Lovejoy that she had just referred to Jane as mum, but after he realised, he began to notice that she had now used the term several times.

'No, she's not cross; to be honest, I don't think Janey could ever get cross with you, but she is sorry that you had to hear all that from Levinia.'

They drew closer towards the backdoor of Felsham Hall where they saw the silhouette of someone waiting for them, of course it was Jane, who looked as white as a sheet. They saw her before she saw them in the dark, and as Jess watched her mother pacing, she felt guilty.

'Jess darling, I am sorry, I am so sorry,' she said as she reached out for Jess and embraced her lovingly.

'I'm sorry for disappearing, but I just couldn't take anymore. I'm sorry I've upset you Janey, I didn't mean to, but I couldn't listen to any more of that crap about you and him being like parents to her.'

'I know, and you should never have had to have listened to that in the first place, but so much of that was said for his client's benefit, not yours; but that does not excuse that,' Jane said as she cuddled Jess even tighter. 'I love you Jess.'

'I love you too Janey, and I wish I could spend some more time with you, but I don't want to be here anymore. I think I've had enough encounters with Alexander and Levinia for one night.'

'Go grab your coat and I'll take you home Jess,' Lovejoy said with tired tone, and watched as Jess kissed Jane on the cheek, said goodnight, and then disappeared back inside.

'Thank you again Lovejoy. I'm sorry that I keep putting you through this,' she said awkwardly trying to find the words.

'You don't put me through anything Jane. I've always told you that I am here for you no matter what, and I'm here Jess too. You girls mean the world to me and I only have your best interests at heart,' he said.

Jane looked at him lovingly and wondered how on earth Lovejoy and Alexander could be so different. In Alexander's opinion he had it all and Lovejoy had nothing, but Jane finally realised that it was he who had nothing. He no longer had her love or respect, he didn't have a child who loved him and he didn't have the love and friendship that she had with Lovejoy.

'By the way Janey, you still look as good in that dress today as you did when I first saw you in it all those years ago,' Lovejoy said, he had remembered.

'I'm surprised you remember Lovejoy,' she whispered as he took a gentle step closer to her.

'Of course I remember Janey; how could I forget the moment that I fell in love with you?' He whispered back, and suddenly she tilted her head up towards his and allowed him to kiss her.

This wasn't a kiss like they'd shared before. This time it was full of passion and love, but was slow and sensual. It felt warm and loving, and as Jane pulled gently away, she felt a little caught off guard, because every suppressed feeling that she'd had, came rushing to the surface.

'I better get Jess home,' he whispered to her as he looked longingly into her eyes. He wanted more, but he already felt as if he had already overstepped the mark.

'Remind her that I do love her Lovejoy,' she said, as she tried to pull herself together and watched as he began to walk away. 'And Lovejoy, thank you.' He turned and gave her a cheeky wink, making her giggle and feel happy, the way she always did in his company.

As she walked back into the house, she could hear Alexander laughing with his client and it made her blood boil. She didn't want to deal with anymore of that tonight. She couldn't stop thinking about Lovejoy, or the kiss, and everything that had happened during her marriage, during the last few months, and during her time with the only person that she loved more than anything else in the world. She walked up the stairs to her bedroom window, and watched just as the red tail-lights of Jess' car disappeared from view on the dark country lane. She undressed for bed, still thinking about everything that had happened, and was awake when Alexander came to bed, although she pretended otherwise. As soon as he was asleep, she went downstairs to make herself some tea. She had a lot of decisions to make, and by the time the sun had begun to rise, her mind was set.

'Darling, you must have been awake for hours,' Alexander yawned as he entered the sitting room, whilst Jane was sat in the bay window looking out. Indeed, she had been awake for hours, since she hadn't yet been to sleep. 'Well, despite Lovejoy and his niece's interruptions last night, Summers wasn't put off. He stayed until nearly midnight talking the deal over with me and has agreed to award me the contract!' He exclaimed.

'That's lovely Alexander,' Jane replied matter of factly.

'This has secured a massive deal for us Jane; we're talking eleven million or more,' he explained, but she wasn't interested. 'This is such a massive account for me Jane and the board of directors are delighted. They want us to move right away.'

'Move? Move where?'

'Hong Kong of course. That is where the main throng of my business is now Jane.'

'Move? You don't expect me to move do you? What would I do for work? You're asking me to give up everything that I hold dear, let alone the small fact of my career!'

'There's always need of interior designers out there Jane, but with this deal now sealed, you don't need to go on working, but with my business out there, Hong Kong is where I need to be…'

'And if we're to go on being married?!'

'It's like any number of professions Jane, the army, the diplomatic service…'

'Good God Alex, do you want me living with you or not?!' She felt desperate to hear it from him. Even though her decision was already made, she felt the need for him to still fight for her, even just a little.

'Of course,' he replied casually.

'Socially, socially, you need me by your side…'

'It does help, yes.'

Jane turned away from him and looked out of the window on to the grey, dark morning, with the rain lashing down upon them, which seemed to be matching Jane's grey mood. As she stood looking out, she felt Alexander's arms wrap around her, and his cheek pressed against hers.

'The truth is, I don't like living in England anymore, I've got a distaste for it. Honk Kong is different, more vibrant, I'm different…'

'In the last twelve months Alexander do you know how many of those you have spent away? Eight! It's been like that ever since we got married…' Jane began to raise her voice with frustration and she turned round to face Alexander. Had she waited a few more minutes, she would have seen Jess running up the driveway. 'You've never stopped for one moment to actually think about what I want; you've always made every decision for me, you forced me to lose the one thing that means more to me in this life than you will ever understand, and I stupidly went along with it all!'

'Jane, what the hell are you talking about?'

'I'm talking about our daughter Alex, you forced me to choose between her and you, and I stupidly chose you. Ever since then I have played the dutiful wife, I have attended balls, I have hosted dinners, I have opened galas, I have done absolutely everything that you have wanted me to, and now, now you want me to move to the other side of the world to bloody Hong Kong!' She shouted.

'You're moving to Hong Kong!' Jess exclaimed in dismay as she hovered in the doorway.

'This is none of your business!' Alexander retorted angrily, but Jane completely ignored him as she went to her daughter.

'No sweeth…'

'Jane you promised, you promised you would never choose him over me again! I know that I'm hard work sometimes, I know that I caused a scene last night, but please don't leave me again!' Jess' plea was gut wrenching and heartfelt and Jane could feel her eyes prickling with hot angry tears.

'No sweetheart, I'm not going anywhere. I promise you. It's going to be you and me from now on,' she whispered as she held Jess tightly.

'Of course you'll be coming with me Jane! We can fly back occasionally if we must, but you will be at my side. Now Jenny, I think it's time you went back to your uncle's; this conversation does not need to concern the likes of you, or your meddlesome uncle. He has interfered with my marriage long enough…'

'Jessica, Alexander, her name is Jessica! And I will not be going to Hong Kong with you, I will not be going anywhere with you and she is the reason why…'

'For the love of God Jane, what the hell are you talking about?!'

'I am talking about our daughter, the one you chose to turn your back on, the one that you decided we didn't want. Well I will tell you this, I love our daughter, I want our daughter and I will be with our daughter, because Jess is my daughter!' Jane shouted, leaving both Jess and Alexander stunned, and her breathless with anger.

There were a few moments of angry, stunned silence between them all before anyone could speak, as Jess tried to come to terms with what she had just heard, as did Alexander. Jess was gobsmacked to hear Jane sticking up for her and defending her, and to finally hear Jane call her, her daughter to Alexander's face. Jess never thought she would feel so elated to hear those words, but now her secret was out in the open, and she wasn't entirely sure how she felt about him knowing who she really was. For her, it now made him being her father real, and she didn't want that.

'But she's, she's Lovejoy's niece…' Alexander stammered as he sunk into the nearest chair.

'No she's not. She's my daughter,' Jane began to calmly explain. 'Jess sweetheart why don't you sit down over here,' she added as she pointed to the seat beside her. 'Jess turned up a few months ago after she discovered that she was adopted and learned that I was her mother,' she said as she looked at Jess and stroked her hair. 'Both her adoptive parents have passed away, so naturally she wanted answers and when I gave them to her, at first she wanted nothing to do with me; but, after a few weeks, she agreed to give me a second chance and came to live here. Whilst you've been away she has stayed here at the house with me, where she belongs, but when you came back, she moved down to Lovejoy's. We told everyone that she was Lovejoy's niece because I knew that you wouldn't react to her return the same way that I have,' Jane explained calmly, but it was the calm before the storm.

'Jane, how could you lie to me? Why did you not tell me any of this?' He exclaimed in astonishment.

'Because I knew that it would change nothing! You have made your feelings felt time and time again, but you have never once taken into consideration what I wanted or how I felt! You made the decision for me that I didn't want children and you forced me to make the decision between you and her!' shouted Jane. 'I told you that I wanted my baby, but you made me feel like I was never going to be a good mother and then, you have acted as if she didn't exist for the last twenty years Alexander! You've never once asked me if I felt alright, or wanted to talk about her with me; you've probably never even thought about her!'

'Of course I haven't even thought about her! She's not my daughter, we gave up those rights twenty years ago, but it was the right decision to make Jane! You are the county's best interior designer, everyone wants to work with you, you couldn't have done that with some child hanging around your legs!' He retorted angrily.

Jess sat in tearful silence as she watched the argument unfold. She had never wanted this to happen. Although she'd wanted Jane to herself, she hadn't wanted it at the cost of her marriage, not really. The shouting was becoming unbearable, until finally, Jess snuck out into the hallway, through the kitchen and out into the back. Even though it was raining, she could shelter under the awning and out of the way of their argument. She felt so much guilt for what was happening back inside between Jane and Alexander.

Jane hadn't yet noticed that Jess had left, since she was finally saying everything to Alexander that she had wanted to during their twenty-one-year marriage. He had never seen her this angry before.

'I should never have let you tell me what to do! I should never have given Jess away. I have missed out on twenty years of her life because of you, that's time I will never get back!'

'Jane I thought I was doing what was right for you, and you agreed with me!'

'No I didn't! You made things so awkward for me that I didn't feel like I had a choice! I wanted Jess to have a mother AND father to love her and treat her the way that she deserved. That poor child has been to hell and back, but now I have her back in my life and I will not give her up again! So you can go to Hong Kong if you want to, but I am staying here, with our daughter!'

'And with Lovejoy I suppose! I am surprised that he's not here to back you up!'

'Don't you dare bring Lovejoy into this! He has been more of a father to Jess than you ever will be.'

'Well then why don't you go to him then!'

'That's exactly where I am going! At least he loves me for who I am and cares about what I want! Come on Je…Jess? JESS?!' Jane's heart began to race and lurched into her mouth at the loss of her daughter again. She didn't even look back at Alexander as she rushed out into the hall and around the room in search of her. 'Jess?! Jess?!' She shouted.

'I'm here!' Jess said meekly from her position on the patio, and Jane breathed a sigh of relief.

'Jess I'm sorry, I didn't mean for you to walk in on world war three,' Jane said as she held her daughter tightly and kissed her head.

'I didn't mean to destroy your marriage Janey, I don't want Alexander to leave, he's important to you…'

'But not as important as you are. I should have made this decision years ago Jess, the day that you were born. He should never have made me choose between him and you, but today I am choosing you, and no matter what, I will always choose you.'

Jane hugged Jess silently for quite a while, with the occasional sob escaping one of them from time to time, until they heard the almighty slam of the front doors. They both ran back into the house to the front windows, just in time to see Alexander driving off. It now really hit Jane what had just happened. Her marriage was over and it left her feeling destroyed and empty. Jane tried to walk upstairs, but practically collapsed with distress and pent up anger; she was exhausted and Jess felt responsible. There was only one man that either of them wanted now. Jess picked up the telephone receiver, and dialled the familiar number.

'Please come,' she said sadly when his gruff voiced answered, and then she hung up.

Lovejoy didn't need to know who it was or why she was calling him, he instantly knew that it was Jess. So he quickly threw on his once white t-shirt and fading jeans, along with his black, cracked leather jacket, and drove as quickly as Miriam could take him to Felsham Hall. He burst through the doors, and was surprised to see the two girls sad on the stairs, with Jess resting her head in Jane's lap.

'What's happened?' He panted.

'Alexander's gone.' Jane said in an exhausted state.

'Gone? Gone where?' He asked as he sat beside Jane and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

'I don't know where he'll go just now, his club I suppose, but he's moving to Hong Kong, permanently.'

'Hong Kong?!'

'He and Janey have just had a massive fight about it Lovejoy…'

'And now he's gone,' Jane finished Jess' sentence, 'but only after I told him that Jess is our daughter,' she added angrily.

'Oh Janey,' Lovejoy said, 'I am so sorry.'

'Don't be Lovejoy, I'm not…well, I don't think I am. I have the one thing that matters most in the world to me,' she said as she stroked Jess' hair.

They talked for a while longer in great detail about exactly what had transpired and Jess couldn't believe what she was hearing. She couldn't believe that Jane had thrown away her whole marriage for her. It took Lovejoy a long time to calm both the girls down properly, but he eventually managed to get them to the sitting room, where he had a fresh pot of tea ready, just the thing for frayed nerves.

Eventually, late into the afternoon, emotional exhaustion set in, and Lovejoy found himself sprawled on one sofa with Jane draped across his chest, and Jess on the other sofa, both hard and fast asleep. His arm was dead from where Jane was resting on him, but he was too afraid to move in case he woke her. He might have been uncomfortable, but he finally had the woman that he loved and adored in his arms. However, he knew that now was not the time to profess his undying love for her, that was going to have to wait just a little bit longer.


	12. Chapter 12

The following morning Jane felt emotionally wrecked. She did feel saddened that her marriage was over. She had always loved Alexander and had always wanted the best for him, but she realised now that her marriage without Jess had been a lie, because she'd spent so long just going through the motions. It felt strange for her to think of herself as a single woman again, as she had only ever been with Alexander, which, in a way, made her feel alone and vulnerable, but she didn't want to voice these concerns to Jess, who already felt guilty enough; but now she had Jess back properly, with no more secrets, no more lies, and it didn't matter now if people found out. She didn't care what anyone else thought, well, anyone except Jess.

She and Jane had sat up for a lot of the night talking. Jane wasn't the only one whose emotions were all over the place. Jess felt delighted that she and Jane could be together at last, because even though they now had a close friendship, they still had so much catching up to do and things to learn about each other, as Jess had realised the night before. She was delighted that she didn't have to lie to anyone or be afraid of the wrong people finding out, but she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt, because she felt responsible for Alexander finding out, and for breaking up Jane and Alexander's marriage. So even though she was delighted to have Jane to herself, she felt devastated at causing Jane pain.

'Jess, my darling, it's been a long time coming; you have absolutely nothing to feel guilty about. I can't ever express the love that I feel for you, and I feel ashamed for ever having doubted the relationship that I could have had with you. I chose him, and it was the worst mistake of my life. But now I have the chance to put that right and we can be together properly.' Jane had said as she had tried to comfort her daughter in the early hours of the morning. They were both in need of reassurance from each other.

'Can I move back in?'

'Of course you can, you can have your room for as long as you want it,' Jane had beamed.

'Although it is kind of sad, I did quite like staying with Lovejoy. He really has been great,' Jess had said, before saying goodnight to her mother and going to bed.

Jane had then walked into the sitting room, where Lovejoy was sleeping on the sofa and watched him for a few moments. Her feelings for him were also very mixed at the moment, because she knew that Jess was right, he had been so supportive over the last few months, he'd never questioned anything that Jane had said, he'd fought for Jess as if she were his own; she'd put so much pressure on him and yet he had never once cracked, and she felt her love for him intensify. But after everything she had been through with Alexander, she couldn't face bringing someone else into her life so soon, but that night she couldn't shake Lovejoy or Jess from her mind.

Although the events of the dinner had ended positively for Jess, in the sense that she now had her mother to herself, her encounter with Levinia had still affected her quite badly. Over the next few days she began to feel less guilty about Jane and Alexander, but she still couldn't shake Levinia's comments from her mind.

'I just don't get it! Why would he say he didn't want children, but then play happy families with someone else's kids?!' Jess said in frustration out of the blue, but this had happened a few times, where there would be nothing but silence between her and Jane, then all of a sudden one of them would voice what was playing on their mind.

'Probably because they were someone else's children Jess. He could hand them back after a while, and he wasn't as hands on with them as he claimed he was. He was also less hands on with my nieces when they came to visit,' Jane explained as she laid on the sofa with Jess sat on the floor beside her. Jane had noticed that Jess seemed to sit on the floor more than anywhere else, a funny little quirk of her personality that she had previously not noticed.

'You have nieces?'

'Yes, I have three; Charlotte, Samantha and Rebecca. They're the daughters of my sister Prue,' Jane replied a little nervously, above all else, she feared hurting Jess again.

'How old are they?'

'Well, Samantha and Charlotte are twins, they're two years older than you, and Rebecca is about six months younger than you. I'm Godmother to all three girls, but I couldn't bear to be with Rebecca for the first two or three years of her life, after I lost you I found it hard to be around any children.'

Jane's heartfelt explanation really pulled at Jess' heartstrings. She could hear the pain that Jane had felt, and even though she really hated the idea of Jane doing things with her nieces that she should have done with her, she felt a little better knowing that Jane found it difficult, although that thought also made Jess feel guilty.

It took almost a week for the girls to feel less raw after the events of that dinner, but finally Jess felt ready to move back in to Felsham Hall with her mother to where she belonged. Over a period of a few days, Jess moved her belongings from London and from Lovejoy's, and he built a large rabbit hutch in the back garden for Ellie, and Toby was delighted to be reunited with Monty and Ruthie.

Lovejoy hadn't spent much time with Jane and Jess after Alexander left, he knew that they needed this time together to bond and comfort each other. He had phoned them daily to check that they were alright, and they had invited him up for dinner on several occasions, but he knew that the time just wasn't right. However, now that Jess had moved in properly, he helped with moving her belongings, and used the time to spend with them.

Now that Alexander was no longer a factor in their lives, it felt as if a weight had been lifted from all three of their shoulders. He knew that he stood a bit more of a chance with Jane, but he also knew that he couldn't ruin things by rushing it, it was going to take time. However, helping Jane with a little "welcome home" project for Jess, helped the two to bond deeply.

As Jane had promised, when Jess had first moved from London, she cleared one of the bedrooms and turned it into a studio for her. She also bought her all new equipment, with all new canvas material, easel, brushes and paints. She even thought to turn the dressing room into a dark room, which Lovejoy promised to use with Jess to teach her how to develop film properly. When Jane had inquired as to how he knew how to do it, he cheekily replied, "I learnt from an old pornographer in her Majesty's holiday camp", which earned him a swift, sharp slap to the arm.

'You've done a really great job in here Lovejoy,' Jane said as she propped herself up against the doorframe of the, now, dark room.

'Well I have to say Janey, I'm rather proud of it myself,' he replied as he walked up beside her and was rather surprised, yet delighted, to find her move from the door frame to his side, where she wrapped her arms around his waist and nestled her head under his chin. He wrapped his arms around her, and they enjoyed the sensation of holding onto each other, with the subtle smell of Jane's perfume filling his senses, he gently kissed the top of her head. She glanced lovingly up at him and their eyes lingered for a few moments.

'Janey? Lovejoy? I think that's everything from back home that I wanted to take with me,' Jess shouted up as she returned from her final trip to London. 'Some of it I've given to Lovejoy to sell, and the rest I've left for my tenants to use,' she huffed as she carried the last box and dumped it on the counter in the kitchen, where Lovejoy and Jane joined Jess, and Jane promptly began to bustle around, dressed in her blue jump suit with a bright red belt round the middle, making sure that they all had a drink.

In the last few days Lovejoy had noticed a massive change in her. She was less the Lady and much more the mother. She was more like the Janey he had first met all those years ago. Jess seemed freer too. She was happier, and bouncier, as if, all of a sudden, everything had been lifted from their shoulders and Felsham Hall seemed to have a new leash of life as well, the only problem now was, it was much too quiet for Jess' liking, so she walked over to her boom box, flicked it on and instantly Girls Just Wanna Have Fun came on, making them all dance around to it. When Tinker and Eric arrived to speak to Lovejoy, they looked at the sight of the three of them dancing with utter perplexion. They had never seen Lovejoy or Jane behave like this before.

'Come on guys, you should join in, it's very liberating don't you know,' Jess laughed as she twirled around, making her mother laugh with pure, genuine delight.

'No I don't dance,' Eric said, 'I might lay down my life for Cyndy Lauper, but dance for her I will not,' he added, but Jess gave neither man an option, and grabbed them both. After a while they were all exhausted.

'God Lovejoy, your niece hasn't half got some moves,' Eric panted as he flopped into a deck chair outside, whilst Jess made herself comfy on the grass. Jane was pouring some lemonade into some glasses for them and Jess caught her eye when Eric said "niece", and Jane gave her a subtle nod.

'Ah, Eric, about me being Lovejoy's niece…I'm not. I'm actually Jane's daughter,' she explained, and Eric was gobsmacked. 'The rest of the story doesn't really matter, because all that matters now, is that I have my family here with me and I'm back where I belong.'

'You sure are,' Jane replied as she sat in the chair behind her daughter and lovingly cupped her cheek.

That was all they did for the rest of the day, sit and eat, drink and chat. Jess was so happy because she now looked at Jane as her mother, and even though he wasn't, as far as Jess was concerned, Lovejoy was going to be her dad. She didn't yet know about the kiss that he and Jane had shared, nor had Jane and Lovejoy discussed it. He knew that Jane was hurting, even despite what she said; he also knew that if he was to stand even the smallest of chances with her, he needed to take it easy and let her come to terms with everything that had happened in such a short space of time, even if they kept having little moments together, which were just teetering on the edge of something, he was just going to have to teeter a little bit longer.

'Come on Eric, I think it's time we left; I have a hot date with a bar stool that's calling my name,' Tinker said later that evening, already slightly worse for wear, as he dragged a sleepy Eric away. 'Goodnight all.'

'Goodnight,' Lovejoy, Jane and Jess called, none of them wanting to actually move, but Jane had no choice when Mrs Cameron came out to her.

'Madam, there's a telephone call for you, it's your mother,' she said curtly.

'Excuse me for a while,' Jane said with a smile as she left Jess and Lovejoy to bask in the remnants of the late evening sun, and when Jess gave a deep sigh, Lovejoy looked at her with concern over the brim of his sunglasses.

'Is everything alright Jess?'

'It is, it really is. I feel free, for the first time in years I feel truly free, but I just hope that I'm enough for Janey and that, in a few weeks or months, she won't end up resenting me for ruining her marriage.'

'Jess, I have never seen Janey as happy as she is now. You talk about being free, well I think she is too. Since you came into her life again, I've seen her gradually becoming more and more like the Jane I first met, the Janey that didn't go in for designer suits, or hire in workmen to tile a bathroom on a job for her client. She used to do all of that herself…'

'Janey can tile a bathroom?!' Jess exclaimed with surprise.

'She sure can, but Alexander manipulated her more and more over the years so that she would be the kind of wife he wanted, a nice bit of totty to have on his arm every night, or the ideal hostess at one of his parties,' he said bitterly. 'I think Jane is a lot more like you than you maybe think, and I hope that we might finally start to see more of that shining through. So don't you ever worry about her resenting you Jess, because that will never happen.'

'Thanks Lovejoy, and thanks for being so amazing over the last few months. I don't think either of us would have gotten through this if it wasn't for your support, in fact, if you hadn't come after me that night, I would never have come back, and I would never have found out how wonderful Janey really is. I owe a lot to you.'

'Well thank you Jess, but it took a lot of courage for you too. And no matter what, I am always here for you, and Janey too,' he replied as he took a sip of his beer.

'I know you are, and I'm grateful, and I know Janey is too. Are you ever going to tell her that you love her?'

'Blimey Jess, you don't mince your words do you?' He coughed as he dripped some of his beer down his chest.

'Oh come off it Lovejoy, I know you two love each other, I knew it the first day we met, when you were standing outside the courthouse. I have never seen anyone look at someone else with as much love and devotion as you look at Janey, and when she thinks that you are not looking, she looks at you exactly the same way. Alexander never once looked at her that way.' Lovejoy didn't know what to say. He knew that Jess was right, he just hadn't realised that Jess had noticed, but the death glare she was giving him at that moment was very familiar, and he knew better than to trifle with it.

'Alright Jess, I'll level with you. I am in love with Jane and I hope she knows that, but I have to take my time. She's hurting a lot right now, even though she knows that it's the best thing for her, and I need to allow her time with you.'

Jess knew that he was right, and Jane's return to them put pay to any further discussion about it, but at least she knew that Lovejoy loved Jane, and for now that would do.

'How's your mother?' Jess asked as Jane flopped down into the chair beside Lovejoy.

'She's great, in fact she sounded in very high spirits when we spoke, Prue's with her and they were just talking about a trip up to Scotland that they're planning in a couple of months. They've invited me, which has given me an idea Jess. I want you to come with me to meet the rest of your family, if you want to of course. If it's too much for you I do understand, but I want to tell my mother and sister the truth if I can. I don't want us to have to go through any more of what we've been through in the last month,' Jane explained as her eyes watered and her voice caught in her throat, making Jess crawl towards her and hold her hand tightly, her own eyes watering a little.

'Janey I don't want any more lies either. I want to meet them, although I only want you to tell them if you're comfortable doing it; I never want to do anything that makes you uncomfortable.'

'Well they're going to be shocked, there's no point in denying that and I'm not sure how I'm going to break it to them, but I want them to know about you, and I want them to know how proud I am and how much I love you,' Jane said as Jess went to give Jane a loving hug.

'Well, no matter what, we'll always be in this together, you, me and Lovejoy too.'

 **Well, I've decided to end this story here! But don't worry, because I'm actually working on a sequel to it already, so please do stay tuned for the next story "Aisle Tango With You" which will be uploaded within the next few days. Thank you to everyone who has reviewed this story, it's much appreciated, and to those of you who have stuck with it, even when I took a hiatus. But especially big thanks to my lil sis for being my fab proof reader and for poking me every now and then to come up with new chapters =D**


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